Sharing my experiences

I see, I can't post anymore in the last personal thread I started as it says, this is outdated. So I'm starting a new one. A new beginning maybe! Wink Emoji

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Dear Open and Tilly, 

I'd like to express my heartiest gratitude for the online courses and for keeping the donation option open so that I could participate in the last few courses. I can tell you it has been life changing for me. It's like sitting inside a cauldron of change with plentiful reflection. Simply being there and being open and honest with oneself can bring about lasting change. I feel something tangible has shifted in my perception about reality especially to do with money, self worth , expression,value of connection and community. If I could express my shift in one word I would call it freedom. I woke up today listening to my friend singing Bob marley song in the room - "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None other than we can free ourselves" 

Vimal Heartvoltage emoji icon

 

After the facilitator program I feel a catalytic energy in my field calling for more sovereignty and change. I can see the synchronicities calling for change and inviting new sense of beingness. But it's also quite destabilizing and taking me into the mind becoming overwhelming at times. Saying No to the things that I feel is no longer me. Being in the mind with a lack of acceptance of what is is driving black snake energy. I'm looking to be connected in my heart without the mind taking over the decision making. Trusting that change will happen when it's meant to. Putting one step at a time. I believe nothing in the end is worth striving for which puts me out of my sense of the sacred ground of being which is the place I want to be. Reflections are welcome. 

In reply to by Vimal V

Hi Vimal - it was excellent having you involved in the facilitator program - you have the perfect energy to support people 👍

The word that pops right out from your sharing is "destabilise". So how have you been controlling the flow? The fact that you start to let go, is it this that feels unstable? Can you be within the instability and let things simply move?

Best wishes

Open 🙏

In reply to by Open

I have been controlling the flow to support and defend my ego self. Heavy tightness in my crown and third eye. Maybe it signifies the misaligned controlling intellect. I believe I have a strong intellect. But I also resonate more with the empathic than the catalytic. Is not a strong intellect a characteristic of a catalyst ? To trust that it would simply move I have to let go of control. Also to be ok with no movement especially when its uncomfortable and wrong for the ego self. Being with the instability and let things simply move - I will see to that.

Wrote this today morning 

Touching the light with surrender 
I remind myself there is no perfection 
Only this being and continual integration 
There is no final destination and nothing to strive for 
Especially with the mind 
Realities come and go and I have a  front row seat to be a witness of this 
I'm not shaping things to fit an agenda nor am I resisting
Grateful to be alive and to take the next breath
Nothing can be achieved from a place of non acceptance 
Only continual lack. 
Trust that from this place a step will be taken 
I might falter and fall but I got a secret weapon - surrender!

 

 

 

Poverty consciousness. There isn't enough. Fear that I will end up on the street and have to depend on someone and surrender my pride and ego. Superiority complex if there was any is being brought to the surface. Things I have built up through my achievements. Let them all go. They don't serve any more. I went for a walk and saw a broken car on my right side and and a leaking pipe on the left. It's the old way of consciousness which is broken down and churned up and the new soul frequencies emerging gradually. I'm trusting the process - if I sit with the pain ,confusion ,regret something would indeed open up to reveal more of me. While writing this something did indeed open up , a perfect place to live with good company for a while. The thing is I don't want to think my way out through this problem. I don't want to fix it anymore. Trying to fix and being in the mind is much more painful than any discomfort in this moment. I realize there is lightness in this moment no matter how bad it seems and the key is not to loose sight of the joy and lightness. I keep making mistakes , do the things that I fear. Loose exactly what I was holding on to. Let it all happen! There is a part of me which doesn't want to own my shit( responsibility) instead hand it over to someone else thinking that it might be easier. It's the part of me which wants to go home desperately. Yet the soul realizes this is a game and the rule of the game is not to take it seriously. Grateful that I have a challenging and interesting game. Trusting that whatever mistakes I do ,if I stay longer in the game, I will learn what I have to learn and deepen the process. Is there anything else going on ? 

I'm in a place called Dharamsala in Himachal pradesh. The cold is getting to me big time. I knew that I had a big resistance against cold climate yet here I'm. It's like all the negative feelings get amplified in such conditions for me. And that's what's happening. The place is under lockdown for the last 2 days which came as a shocker. I'm moving through some karma with existential fear , worthlessness , feeling of no confidence like I'm not in my skin which is basically some kind of fear, regret, feeling of being abandoned by God. I wonder if its possible to l be happy under such conditions any time in the future. Then mind is in resistance distracting with thoughts desperately trying out resolutions, possible scenarios, worst ones like being on the street in extreme cold , and many solutions. I'm trying my best not to be pulled in all directions by the mind but to be in the moment and relax into the uncomfortable feeling. I can't find the trust yet I know its through such close encounter with the unknown and uncertainty you develop trust. How can you find trust when physicality is threatened. I would have preferred to go back home where it is much warmer , comfortable if it was not for my friend who seems to be really cool with whatever transpires which is a positive reflection. All guidance seems to be locked down too! Even though the place was locked down we got invited to a remote village today and whole ride in and around the village was otherworldly and at times my mind kept wondering if such places could exist in earth. I have never seen such pure and beautiful places before. 

In reply to by Vimal V

Dharamsala - wow. If you mean the same place as where the Dalai Lama lives then I've been there and found it absolutely awesome! What a magical place, a veritable Shang-ri-la. But yes, some aspects of it are a degree extreme - so I guess it's pushing the buttons it's meant to. A good thing!

I would suggest that for how ever long you are there, use it as an opportunity for transcendence. Because when you get past the contractions and the triggers, then the alchemy is simply marvellous.

Namaste

Open Praying Emoji

In reply to by Open

Hello Open,

Yes it's the same Dharamsala. In fact I'm staying at Mcleodganj where Dalai Lama used to stay. The place has a transcendent feeling for sure. But the there's a wave of fear through the air. The shops has to close by 8pm and weekends are lockdown as of now. I hope it doesn't continue. I'm moving through some karma triggered by situations. I movied through the karmic tornado yet again much less intense though. Its acting as a veil on how I relate with reality. But I had a breakthrough today. We went for a trek to a mountain called triund which had an otherworldly transcendent feeling to it. At one point I had this feeling of expansion and power and I realized I was leaning on my friend and others for support and decisions which was making me even more sad and powerless. I realized true support comes from inside. Soon I found this bone which looks like a spine of some animal. 

How was your experience?

 

 

Triund trek Bone

In reply to by Vimal V

It looks absolutely stunning Vimal - thanks for sharing the photo - how blessed you are! Thumbs Up Sign

My experience of Dharamsala was mixed. I absolutely loved the energy and the place itself - a very high vibe. I felt a strong resonance with the Tibetan presence there (even though still in India) and the feeling was so prominant, it caused me to burst into tears when I encountered the Dalai Lama's "palace".

However in witnessing the young monks, it felt like a very prescribed approach and pretty limiting in that.

A tremendous vibe though. Enjoy!

Open Praying Emoji

I think I finally understood what was the cause of my sore throat and subsequent fever. It's an identity which I was holding on to. Yesterday while singing on the stage I started to choke and couldn't sing for some time. I was inquiring into the nature of effort , enjoyment and motivation for doing what I was doing. The identity formed would give some sense of security, comfort and confidence in my case. But then it comes with the cost of obligation and conditioned response to the way of identity. I'm this, so I have to do it this way. I was looking at reflection from others and it dawned on me that , the confidence, sense of sovereignty and power are fundamental nature of the soul and we dont have to effort to attain it. It's already there and since everybody has a soul, everybody has these qualities inside. You dont have to be a great artist or master to express these qualities. Let the struggle fall away and let the reality be shaped from this new place of understanding. 

Its been a roller coaster ride last few days at goa. I was pulled to a cafe called This is it with my friend to play music and express our selves. The first show was amazing , with so much energy moving and ample support. We were deciding on renting a place outside but the guy at the cafe offered us free stay in exchange for jamming sessions. It seemed like a great offer. But it also came with some sense of obligation, responsibility and expectation which I knew before hand as I have experienced it many times before. It also killed the creative flow in music and ideas that I was with. Suddenly it became about how to satisfy the external with what I have. I can also see other ego motivation behind it. Synchronistically I was down with sore throat so that I can't sing, hand pain so that I can't play guitar and it also led to fever. Some realizations started flowing yesterday when I was contemplating on these experiences. How had I created the fever ? Its lack of trust in the universe. A belief that universe can't provide so that I have to rely on people and situations around me. And so much effecting to fulfill that. I'm glad that I can see it for what it is. Expressing the distortions so that soul can flow more freely unhindered by the ego. So I decided to move out today and stay independently and decision was backed up lot of curiosity and excitement. Let's see what the universe does this time! When I made the decision I was pulled to a beach called morjim which is a very spacious beach. It spoke about how the decision is opening up more space inside for the creativity to flow. Some years before I would have put up with whatever I created imagining that there would be lessons in it. But now I realize I have to make the change that I have to make and no one's gonna make it for me. 

Despite the injury and trouble I feel quite happy.  Situations like this helps build more trust in the divine and get my mind out of the control game. This sign came to me - your best teacher is your last mistake. 

I wonder how did I manifest the situation though. Just before the hit, I was contemplating on the various challenges on my mind and even wondering how fortunate I'm not to have something like an accident. And that's when it happened! Maybe I drew it with my own thoughts. I have heard that stuff like this happen when you are walking a misaligned path and you need a wake up call. Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it has got to do with waking myself up from being too much in the intellect. I feel it's a much ingrained conditioning from childhood possibly school days. And maybe it needs something like this to crack it open. Today morning I thought I must be the most conflicted person in the whole world. For about half an hour I drove back and forth because I couldn't make up my mind on a decision. If somebody would have observed me for that time they would have thought I was crazy! Then I finally gave up and realised,  the burden of making a mistake is less compared to the burden this conflicted mind and pressure to make a decision is placing upon me. So much investment in reality and outcome pulling on different threads at the same time. Then I went ahead with the most obvious mistake! I do understand intellectually at least that its through mistakes that you learn most and when in conflict, the key is not to try to resolve it. But the intellect can't just simply give in! And it keeps beating itself up. The conflict I'm facing especially when travelling is to so with money and spending it . It's the poverty consciousness poking its head from time to time. Finding the balance between being free to spend money but at the same time using it wisely without wasting it. 

If something like this had happened years before then I would have made myself into a victim and started complaining. It's quite a blessing that I can now see the positive side of it as well.

I welcome any reflection. I welcome any mistake!

I made this video about something that happened today -an unfortunate incident but also a blessing. After taking a week rest, I continued on my journey today morning but the flow wanted me to rest more. I will share more about the inquiry later. It's really difficult to type with my left hand . Angel Halo

 

In reply to by Vimal V

That's a great little story Vimal - a blessing indeed. When we can take the positive from situations, the learning experience, then we'll always gain. "Your best teacher is your last mistake" indeed!

And I loved the song!

I can just imagine you as a travelling singer/uplifter, on your bike with guitar on your back - what a life!

Thanks so much for sharing this little flame of light with us all.

Much love

Open HeartPraying Emoji

My journey has brought to a place where I started a conscious spiritual journey. I feel blessed to be here , having the whole farm/house for myself. It's really quiet and I have all the time in the world for meditation and contemplation. I'm putting my travel plans to a halt as I feel I like to be here for some time , eat some healthy raw food , meditate and take occasional walks along the river. And when I'm fully satisfied , I can continue the journey or not! As of now there is minimal intention/desire coming from the mind. Since I have been inquiring into my motivations from the beginning, the journey has also been one of letting go ‐ material things, desires, intentions , relationship and baggages. Interestingly it's been well reflected by letting go of some physical things as well as I felt I was carrying a lot of unnecessary weight. And it felt relaxing! One great thing about riding the bike and contemplating is that I get to see a lot of signs on the road. It feels like my thoughts and inquiries are answered by billboards. I wonder how I can see it at the perfect timing. One of those I can remember is this - I saw a sign , EGLO which obviously meant ego to me, then perfect curves followed by again GEO centre. This is something I have been working on as well - letting go of a linear, comparative way of looking at the world. Instead asking what do I really need and what's important to me. And feeling more into my uniqueness. 

 

I'm on motorcyle trip form Kerala to goa and possible beyond goa to the North, visit Himalayas. I'm already meeting interesting people on the way playing my music and sharing love. It's been quite challenging already since situations are really asking me to let go of things, beliefs, needs and desires that don't serve. Yesterday I was at kochi riding my bike through the city without really knowing what to do and it was getting to me big time. I had promised myself that I wouldn't rent rooms and only will be camping and staying over. At the beach watching the sunset I finally let it go dissolving constrictions and being ok with any choices that presented. It was interesting to see how a path opened up soon. So it's an active lesson in trust for the mind. I still don't know why I'm doing it, so I'm constantly looking at my motivations. Yesterday I was speaking to myself how the only motivation is to learn from experiences then suddenly my attention was drawn towards this bill board which clearly reflected my ego motivations as well. But I guess I have to go there to come back! I'm also seeing a lot of signs which especially happens when I'm inquiring and looking around. I believe to truly taste the moment and enjoy the simple things one has to let go of any mind led intentions. At Varkala, which is a beautiful beach in Kerala, two of my friends and I was planning to camp by the beach side and this guy offered us a place in his resort which was quite kind of him. Im quite tempted to buy certain things that I think will serve me on the journey but I don't really know if it's coming from the soul or ego. Do you trust that if it's something you really need then, you will be guided or do you go for it and learn from it later? I would share some of my upcoming experiences and inquiry here 

Always with you! 

Always with you!

A helping hand fff

​​​​offering a helping hand! 

In reply to by Vimal V

It looks like you're having a great journey Vimal - going with the flow - brilliant!

You said...

Im quite tempted to buy certain things that I think will serve me on the journey but I don't really know if it's coming from the soul or ego.

I find this a really useful inquiry. When I'm packing for a trip, I'm always in the "zone". So I pay complete attention, allowing higher dimensional knowing and the heartfelt pull to guide me to what's right. It can only come with working at it though. Plenty of times I've missed things, and then realised as I looked back that I missed an important synhronicity!

Best wishes

Open Praying Emoji

Hello and Greetings dear open, how are you, am always delighted to see your updates and thoughts. It's uplifting to see your good work and sharing. Have written to Aspasia before about my recent experience in an email, if you can go through, am better otherwise but could you suggest any self help/ meditation on how to feel more clear. Is there a way to speak to you personally

Kind Regards

misha

 

Hello,

It's been a while I have shared any personal experiences here. I need some suggestions as well. I have been continuing intermittent fasting for several months now. Almost always skipping dinner. I havnt fully overcomed the feeling of hunger at night and have been loosing body weight alarmingly yet again. Its also because I engage in a lot of physical activity like farming, hiking, sports, yoga etc. Ana the calorific intake is not just sufficient to maintain my body weight. I don't suppose spiritual evolution has to come at a cost of bodily health. So I think intermittent fasting is not everyone and certainly not for every situation. I guess it would work if you take lot of high calorific food. So I guess I will be switching back to a 'normal' diet and see what changes I might encounter. Having plentyful time when you skip meals is worth mentioning. 

These lockdown times have been generally good for me. I almost feel guilty thinking and saying it aloud as I know millions are suffering. Especially in a country like India where draconian laws are being passed without the slightest consideration of the population, majority of them being poor financially. Recently we have seen, thousands of people walking thousands of km to their hometown just because they can't afford food or water where they are. We refer to them as migrant workers. There is a feeling of powerlessness I feel, as nothing can be done in a physical sense to put brains into those who are in power. I have seen, one of my friend who has been volunteering to put food on their plate getting really frustrated as she feels nothing is ever enough. I guess for most people it's easy to just trust what the government and media is saying as challenging these may open up a Pandora's box. And there is no reference to put what is happening into some sort of sense or context. 

These times have been productive to me in a sense that I have a lot of time to engage in activities that I'm passionate about. And I'm really excited about the prospect of improving through them. I often wonder how much of this self improvement is founded on ego. It doesn't have to be. The feeling of excitement and enthusiasm is definetly a soulful feeling. When I really move from my usual ways and challenge reality to a degree, I can see it synchronistically supported by some external reflection and a sense of connection to something beyond. But it's not enough to say that I'm following the flow. How do you follow the flow and synchronicties all the time? 

I have been meditating regularly - Chakra attunement, Openhandbow, connecting with nature or just sitting and yawning by myself. And it's not something that I do anymore, it's a necessity just like drinking water or sleep. I can sense that the need to improve must be coming from an inherent sense of lack eventhough it's backed up by positive feeling. But I guess I have to just step into it and find it out myself. There are no mistakes in a spiritual path right!? 

 

In reply to by Vimal V

Hi Vimal - it sounds like things are progressing pretty well for you - no worries.

With regards the intermittant fasting, yes, if you're doing lots of bodywork like that, you'll have to intake more callories. You can eat all you like in a six hour window and still be intermittant fasting.

Remember the flow of synchronicity comes from beingness - the more you uncover and express beingness, the more the synchronicities accelerate. So keep focussing on uncovering and expressing new facets of beingness and all will be well.

Open Praying Emoji

In reply to by Open

 

Perfectionism

I think if I set up everything nicely, make it proper, finish it, arrange everything in its nice place, so that I don't have to think about again, then I could kick my shoes off and rest somewhere and I will be relieved and be happy. Its the attachment towards outcome forgetting that it's about the process than the outcome. I got a reflection where I was so happy that I completed something and was so relieved to have it almost perfectly only to know that I will have to do it again. But the great thing is that I can see through it. What's being invited to learn. I understand that I don't have to hurry myself to death, overanalyze and think too much that If I had ticked every box while I'm in the process. Maybe I will have to do it again and all of it will be a mistake even and that's ok.

Paternal projection

Another thing I'm seeing clearly is the paternal projection towards an authority, those in power, someone I could rely on, tell my answers, show me the way. Someone from which I want something in return - appreciation, acknowledgement, permission to exist, approval and acceptance. And the more I see it, more it provides the opportunity to step out of it and detach myself from it. I take back my power and soveigrenity and the freedom is incredible. This article provided a very good insight into it. How we project this paternal and maternal projection towards the government and how we can reclaim our personal soveigrenity. Thanks Megha for sharing it in Fb.

https://kellybroganmd.com/why-we-stay-asleep-when-covid-19-is-trying-to…