Teenage replay

Hi there, 

Wondering if I may ask some advice please. 

I've recently moved into a share house with a mum and daughter.

It's a beautiful property with a stream running through it and two lovely dogs. I really love the land and the dogs and felt I was meant to be here for a period of time. 

However, I'm struggling with the daughter, who is only four, but who has a strong, domineering energy [she also challenges her mum]. There often can   be malice and intent to harm. It does get directed at me and if it doesn't affect me; then directed at one of the dogs [which does upset and anger me.]

My reaction is strong and takes my whole energy back to being a teenager. I lady I know who's quite empathic told me she felt like she was talking to a teenage tomboy?!" Which is what I was. She also noticed my voice was different. Uncanny. 

My reaction is to shut down emotionally, isolate myself, avoid contact and disconnect from the girl - basically what I did with my Grandfather growing up.  

I harden and often feel anger and defence the moment I see her. It was a strong pattern I also had with my Grandfather [though I loved him dearly]. I met him with anger, argued and sometimes attacked before he started anything. 

Today I was on my own and seemed to become peaceful and more embodied [with help of a benevolent energy] but the moment I feel this girl's energy it sets off something in me. I was reflecting on the importance of being in a place which brings peace - and just now reading about being still and at peace for dealing with black snake energy in a previous article - it feels important. 

Growing up - came up just once in a retreat - after we did diads and went into processing - sadness came up unexpectedly, it wasn't what I'd shared in the diad - My inner child came through with upset and the feeling I had was "why isn't anyone stopping him" [my Grandfathers anger].

When I was younger I felt no upset or fear and yelled straight back. I didn't seem to affect me much emotionally but it wasn't great for self-esteem. Part of engaging then was taking the brunt of it so it wasn't directed at my Grandmother or cousins. [Though now, I'm finding I can't seem to yet haunt the reaction with this young girl.] 

Right now - as I type this, I have the feeling of not wanting to allow it to affect me and also not wanting to have the feelings for they felt like weakness [mainly then but a little now too]. 

 

I'm not really sure what to do here ....this hasn't really come up or repeated since then....so I figure there must be something in it. 

Maybe go into it and whatever its about and then move. ?  It's just doesn't feel conducive for integrating and piecing life back together - it takes most of a day or two to stabilise after reactions. 

I wonder if it's the same entity  - it seems intent to relentlessly push and poke to upset and gain a reaction from me. Usually work when on the outside  - but this time it really is. 

It feels tense and does upset me quite a bit.  There's also this stubborn feeling of not allowing it to get to me [though right now I see it is and did.]

I guess I'm feeling upset and a bit small and maybe young and also a feeling of wanting what wasn't there growing up....maybe this is the key. 

 

Much love and many thanks, 

Jennaya 💛🙏

 

Comments

Hi Jennaya,

It sounds to me as if you attracted the experience because that's where you need to be. The environment is activating those layers of consciousness. So the key is not to project outwards, but to touch the inner frustrations and work into those - when they activate, take yourself off and express them, then work to equalise through them, using your version of the Breakthrough Approach.

When the layers are gone, you'll likely find other opportunities show up.

Really, it's all a case of accepting what we manifest, owning it, then working to open out through them.

Wishing you well in that

Open HeartPraying Emoji

 

Hi Open, 

I do own what I’m experiencing.

I came wanting to share, express ,feel some support here, guidance or anything intuitive to help work with it. 

I didn’t know whether to stay or go, since the reaction is making it challenging to stay embody and keep my centre - and I’m not sure it’s what’s best right now. 

Best wishes, 

Jennaya 💛🙏

 

 

Hi Jennaya,

When you said this...

Maybe go into it and whatever its about and then move. ?  It's just doesn't feel conducive for integrating and piecing life back together - it takes most of a day or two to stabilise after reactions. 

My point was that you created it. That's what I meant by owning it - rather than deciding just to leave. The essential thing would be to get into the deep underlying pain - as we've talked about before. So going deeper than the mind and emotional reaction to the situation.

You could of course just walk away from it, and it would be worth checking if that's what any synchronicity points to. But it does seem as if synchronicity has created a situation that reflects some of your own karmic density from childhood. The point is that some of this trauma is not easy at all - I know that. But sometime the only way out is through.

And maybe you could limit the amount of interaction with them - so something kicks off, then get into the process. But work to limit interactions for a period after that. Ultimately though, we have to process through what we keep manifesting - so that it will process out.

That's my reflective sense of it anyway.

In loving support

Open HeartPraying Emoji

Hey Jennaya,

writing is a wonderful tool to become aware of ones own issues. I sometimes reread my own journal entries a dozen times untli i really completely understand them.

 

From what you write i get the impression that you provide already a good deal of the solution to the situation.

The Little Girl seems to be just the reflection of the experience you have attracted, so it will not be beneficial for you to create an aversion towards her that you will have to look at afterwards. We all know it's hard to face the tightness but it feels so much better when the integration has taken place. Like Open says - challenge accepted and right on in the center of the tightness! :) 

It sounds like history repeats itself. Just a thought - Back then you were the little girl yelling at the grandfather - now you do experience the other side of that relationship. This might be worth exploring.

You could sit down with your inner child and work through your childhood in regards to your grandfather. How did your gradnfather feel in that relationship? You could also look ath the karmic tethering between you and your grandfather. I suppose the girl will change her behaviour once you have found the famous Nuggets of Soul Gold.

Courage and lots of heartfelt wishes,

Thomas

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Open and Thomas, 

Yes, I get what you're saying Open, thanks 🙏 Sorry, I was feeling a bit reactive/defensive [part of the teenager identity too].  I feel a bit mixed about staying or not - other energetic challenges at the same time make it difficult. 

I feel like there's probably more sadness which wasn't felt when I was younger which wants to be felt - it's just I really go into the survival pattern I did when I was young - I amazed that it's still there. 

Thanks Thomas for your input. I thought about what you said about journaling and realised it wanted to be heard [or something like that] and also acknowledged within myself - cause it hasn't really been. 

It's more age reversal - which is makes it feel strange. 

The behaves girl the same with her mother - it often swaps between the two of us. Probably stay with it and then maybe move to a more peaceful environment. When the dynamic kicks off with her mum - it still affects me energetically. I carry quite an aversion to conflict/arguing - which maybe if things can be felt, might dissipate. 

My Grandfather had a lot of anger and projected it onto the family. My Grandmother and cousins got upset and cried, my reaction was protective and stubborn and also probably from not being capable of feeling my own emotions then. It was to an extent abusive - I get shoved out of the way for standing in between them and him. I always got me back up and I aggravated him so they wouldn't be the ones coping it. There was constant criticism and nothing I did was every right. 

I felt ok myself then but I think it's still the inner child's pain of it which hasn't been felt. 

I'm not sure of anything karmic. Despite the above; the connection does and still feels clean and there was a reciprocal deep love between myself and my Grandfather. It's wasn't nasty, just angry and I always new it wasn't personal. It might be more my mum's karma - they had an identical dynamic.

The lady I live with [the mum] is quite intuitive; and told me recently my Grandfather [who passed away 7 years ago] was trying to clear the karma with my Mum in the astral before passes over. I asked my higher self if I could do anything to help and what came through was "no, it's between my Mum and my Grandfather". 

So, maybe I'm just at a point of letting go at what was stored at this time. 

Many thanks and much love, 

Jennaya 💛🙏