Wondering if I may ask some advice please.
I've recently moved into a share house with a mum and daughter.
It's a beautiful property with a stream running through it and two lovely dogs. I really love the land and the dogs and felt I was meant to be here for a period of time.
However, I'm struggling with the daughter, who is only four, but who has a strong, domineering energy [she also challenges her mum]. There often can be malice and intent to harm. It does get directed at me and if it doesn't affect me; then directed at one of the dogs [which does upset and anger me.]
My reaction is strong and takes my whole energy back to being a teenager. I lady I know who's quite empathic told me she felt like she was talking to a teenage tomboy?!" Which is what I was. She also noticed my voice was different. Uncanny.
My reaction is to shut down emotionally, isolate myself, avoid contact and disconnect from the girl - basically what I did with my Grandfather growing up.
I harden and often feel anger and defence the moment I see her. It was a strong pattern I also had with my Grandfather [though I loved him dearly]. I met him with anger, argued and sometimes attacked before he started anything.
Today I was on my own and seemed to become peaceful and more embodied [with help of a benevolent energy] but the moment I feel this girl's energy it sets off something in me. I was reflecting on the importance of being in a place which brings peace - and just now reading about being still and at peace for dealing with black snake energy in a previous article - it feels important.
Growing up - came up just once in a retreat - after we did diads and went into processing - sadness came up unexpectedly, it wasn't what I'd shared in the diad - My inner child came through with upset and the feeling I had was "why isn't anyone stopping him" [my Grandfathers anger].
When I was younger I felt no upset or fear and yelled straight back. I didn't seem to affect me much emotionally but it wasn't great for self-esteem. Part of engaging then was taking the brunt of it so it wasn't directed at my Grandmother or cousins. [Though now, I'm finding I can't seem to yet haunt the reaction with this young girl.]
Right now - as I type this, I have the feeling of not wanting to allow it to affect me and also not wanting to have the feelings for they felt like weakness [mainly then but a little now too].
I'm not really sure what to do here ....this hasn't really come up or repeated since then....so I figure there must be something in it.
Maybe go into it and whatever its about and then move. ? It's just doesn't feel conducive for integrating and piecing life back together - it takes most of a day or two to stabilise after reactions.
I wonder if it's the same entity - it seems intent to relentlessly push and poke to upset and gain a reaction from me. Usually work when on the outside - but this time it really is.
It feels tense and does upset me quite a bit. There's also this stubborn feeling of not allowing it to get to me [though right now I see it is and did.]
I guess I'm feeling upset and a bit small and maybe young and also a feeling of wanting what wasn't there growing up....maybe this is the key.
Much love and many thanks,