What do you believe are the most important qualities of evolved relating?

Hi everyone...

Our relationships are a big part of the spiritual journey, that create so much possibility for accelerated evolutionary change. Especially when buttons are pushed, we get to see our distortions. But when people are relating in an evolved way, relationships can become utterly sublime, harmonious, fulfilling and joyful.

What do you believe the most important qualities are of evolved relating?

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Wow - tremendous inquiry folks! Thumbs Up Sign

Jennaya, yes indeed... "honesty as a key for transformation and  embodiment".

B you said... "One thing I've learnt is that taking the easy approach in the short-term will mean I'll be paying for it in the long term. " Yes indeed! You then went on to say...

It's hard to give voice to my weaknesses and then not form an identity around them.

What I pick up, is that you're seeing vulnerability as some kind of static weakness. When true vulnerability opens us into the infinite potential of possibility. So true vulnerability softens into the truth of the moment, from which, other flowing qualities can arise - like contradictory will for example. So it's important not to fix in a particular state - the soul is always ebbing and flowing. Something to work with Wink Emoji

Alex - thumbs up on the emapthy - but not allowing it to become sympathy, where we then take on the suffering perspective of the other's journey.

Hi Ultraviolet - what I meant was, yes, to accept the other and their point of view. But not necessarily to fix in some kind of wishy washy state. Maybe sometimes the soul will want to arise and challenge - just as I am now!

Hi Eduardo - yes, I can see your point - acceptance of the other first - but then allowing truth to come through integrity of expression.

Awesome all round!

Open The Sun EmojiThumbs Up Sign


I confess I changed my mind after voting. I voted for "Transparency, honesty, integrity", but then I realized that true transparency can't happen if we're not accepting/allowing/not judging. In my experience, this is why I lived some years of my life without integrating spiritual wisdom and also having conflicts with my mother, who is extremely engaged in the drama.

In many occasions, I expressed my truth in a very harsh way because I was denying her very distorted point of view, which is also her truth. And what I learned is: no matter how straight to the point you go when telling the truth, if you're not coming from your heart, the other person will hardly hear anything. You will just push her buttons and her reaction will also push yours - and considering you don't have a high degree of surrendering, you will create disharmony by feeding the drama.

In short, without the female aspect, the 4th ray of diplomacy can't be harnessed, and thus the male aspect acts like a sharp blade. This is why my vote goes for "Empathy, acceptance, allowing, non-judgment", because for me it must come before core honesty.

Have a nice day The Sun Face Emoji



I feel like ever since I saw you post this formula Open, ( -1 0 1+) I've been on a quest/journey/contemplation in understanding it as much as I can. For some reason when I saw it awhile back it just jumped off the page towards me and my entire being went THAT.. that's it right there, that is the formula I need to know, so thank you!

That applies to everything in regards to positive negative absolution. It is a choice in whether or not to continue a cycle – a known condition – a story etc. It for me feels like this is exactly how something/anything evolves. Yet to go from this to 0:0:0 is ridiculously hard! Or I guess I should say that is where I personally feel I'm heading towards, yet only because of a ring I was given at birth that has this formula on the underside of it. It's been a horrendous mystery to me for a very long time and some day's I just say to my God.. Look here, I'm pretty sure you got me mistaken with the other's down the road, I don't think I signed up for this, how do I get out?!! then the formula of zero's pops back up in my head and I just say what F.. ever!!!! LOL :)


So this is how I am going to at the very least “try as I can” to apply this to everything relative to me. So as to evolve. Yet I didn't even know I was evolving until I felt I had evolved. I'm wishing myself tremendous amounts of luck in this.


Wish you all luck as well!


I find it interesting that my situations are also somewhat connected to what goes in the forums here. Or maybe I'm responding to it in a certain way. Certain things clicked which made me be honest with my mother about something today. It was difficult. It took about 6 months for this specific thing to come to the front. She was also kind of waiting for the opening to arrive. I think these open secrets are the killer of human relations,where each parties know a certain thing but are hiding it. This doesn't happen intentionally most times. I think my rational mind was questioning authenticity of wanting to be honest - if it was really necessary ,that if im unnecessary creating disruptions. I cant certainly blame her or anyone for wanting to hide the true feeling because honestly only really starts with myself. But it is also easy to be open and honest with someone who are open and honest themselves. Openhand forums are a great place to start practicing openness and honesty. 

In reply to by Vimal V

Hey Vimal,

I get what you're saying. I'd say that living our soul's path requires a lot of giving ourselves fully to the present moment, so it's ok if some things take lots of time to come up, because we're waiting for the flow to do its job. But if we're too engaged in the rational mind, it's more likely that we will try to 'fix' things – and altough that can be good, it's not aligned and thus not necessary in that moment. I understand that a long delay (e.g. 6 months) can trigger the rational mind, but it's relevant to remember that the soul is timeless.

I also think it's okay if this openness varies between relationships, because that's part of the 3D limitation. With my loving partner, I feel like nothing is left unchecked because both of us know the importance of honoring and communicating our feelings, so everything is more fluid... more 5D.

No matter in what relationship we found ourselves in, I think it's crucial to be truthful in the exact moment it is required. Otherwise, we end up walking in a minefield... and who knows when those mines will be trigged!


In reply to by Eduardo

Hi Eduardo,

I find this important :

No matter in what relationship we found ourselves in, I think it's crucial to be truthful in the exact moment it is required

With kicking in of the rational mind i meant that in the moment of saying the truth i experience a questioning from my mind. Its probably founded on fear what that might cause to the relationship - hurt to myself and others. I recognize these as the wired conditioning in our brain. Its much easier to just go along with the norm and not challenge it but increasingly i see that its this confrontation that can truly change me. So it also recognizing whats really important for me at the moment. This time i also experienced a clicking in of the synchronicities that led to the moment so i could also sense the flow and build upto it. 

Open replied to a question that i asked on my thread which it think is relevant . I like to share it here:


The path resolving by itself: Sometimes if you hold the space with active awareness and you're consciously engaging in all the steps that are unfolding, then a blockage in the flow (of your life) will resolve itself - yes. But again, it's important to be honest with oneself: "am I procrastinating because I get tight around saying or doing something that I'm uncomfortable with?" In which case, the step forwards is already clear and revealing itself - step in the direction which causes the tightness, then work into it.

I should remember that last bit. I think with time i will be more comfortable with taking chances and making mistakes and be ok with whatever that presents.

Thanks for sharing 

Vimal <3




Thank you Open for opening this space up.

I find it hard to be honest. At the back of my mind I still feel as though if I let go of the controlling strong masculine front I put up I'll be abused. I'm living with the same people where I took on this pattern, granted the situation has changed, I'm an adult now and they're elderly. I'm also about to make it on the register of people with a disability which for me is a go ahead from above that I no longer need put up with any bullshit whatsoever. Fuck it I needed to get to this point to learn. One thing I've learnt is that taking the easy approach in the short-term will mean I'll be paying for it in the long term. 

The first step is to be honest with myself and I get caught up there. I whitewash my vulnerabilities and in places I'm still proving I'm some kind of superhero. It's hard to give voice to my weaknesses and then not form an identity around them.

Hey Ultraviolet, thanks for the great contribution Thumbs Up SignThe Sun Emoji

You said...

I've learned to cherish those I love for everything they are including people making the very same mistakes I made. I've learned that often times these are a mirror deeper into what I used to do, and a window into how painful it is  to be stuck there ,  and why I should not make those same choices again.

Awesome! Seeing oneself and so being able to accept the other's distortions.

Let me ask you, is there still a place for you to be challenging whislt accepting?

Open Slightly Smiling

Thanks for joining in folks Thumbs Up Sign

Jennaya you asked a very important question, I'd say one for all of us...

Reflecting on how one goes about increases this 'self-honesty'?

It's all about internal awareness. You're with someone and expressing. If you're in partnership, for example, it's very easy to get lost in the softness of the connection - to go partially asleep. Because things are cosy and accepting. But it's always essential to be watching your own expression too. Let's say you say something which is not 100% aligned and honest (because you have a veil which you can't yet see through), if you're watching yourself, there'll be some reaction in your field - some discomfort. Watch for it especially in your own microexpressions: a twitch of the hand, a slightly nervous smile, an involuntary movement of the foot. If these things present, it's because there's some discomfort at a soul level, which what you've just expressed.

Open Praying Emoji

I believe being accepting of all that a person is, whether you agree with it or not, is a big evolved relating Factor that I've had to nurture.

Many times I see those making choices that I used to make when I was less spiritually inclined, and less open. When I was evolving and moving past those certain mindsets and actions, I would run away from people, family, friends Etc that we're still stuck in those karmic loops. But now I've learned to cherish those I love for everything they are including people making the very same mistakes I made. I've learned that often times these are a mirror deeper into what I used to do, and a window into how painful it is  to be stuck there ,  and why I should not make those same choices again. It also gives me the opportunity to help and open the mind of those who are in those very same problems I'm having, as I had been there.

I've also learned accepting those for everything they are gives you a wider view point on reality. It gives you more open mind and has even quite a few times opened my mind to a reality which I previously either closed my mind to, or had never thought of before. I've learned a lot this way.

I felt to kick this forum inquiry off with something, which for me, is probably the most important quality for evolved relating experiences, not just in partnership, but in all relationships. That is profound self honesty...

To be completely honest about who you are, what you feel, and what is important for you. That way, nothing is concealed in the interaction. The other has the chance to respond to you as you are. It breaks down sense of obligation to do, or be, something you are not. You're actually requiring people to accept you as you are. As a result, they're much more likely to do so. You don't have to put on any front. And you can be more relaxed, more authentic, more you. Thumbs Up SignHeart