This is my first share here and practicing the art of expression with this loving community.
The cars rushing by, the rain dancing on the windows, the sky crashing into itself evolving and changing. My heart slowly beating, warm tears falling down my face The moment to stay in my mind or to unfold into this moment, this feeling…oh the vulnerability the fear to allow myself to open deeper underneath the sadness, beyond the story that kept playing in my mind. This story--Here I keep trying to make a plan, control it and create the desired outcome. Yet I find myself back in the same spot over and over again.
The opening, the darkness all around, the wind hollowing at my soul, the flood of emotions…. creating an opening to surrender in the perfect storm …..
Following my heart, feeling the tears, the body the pain .. the opening to a window of my soul.
A life fully connected to my body a flash in time. Feeling into the pain and sadness and a heaviness of those that were left seeing the pain in their eyes. My heart cried out in pain, “I did not know”. In that flash, the life was taken, yet the emotions stay here in my body not released and carried a message to be woven deeply down in my story today and felt in my body with great intensity.
The treasure to be discovered was the hidden message and pressure to blame myself for not knowing. Unconsciously sabotaging myself in a cycle to blame myself that I should have been more aware, known the answer, or been more present. Then moving into a cycle within to create my own punishment of unworthiness holding hands nicely with projection, neediness and disconnection. It’s a pattern interwoven throughout my life that has lead to fear taken over my voice, my actions and my ability to express. In this raw moment, I share my winter solstice moment and truly honor each of your unique journeys and the courage and strength it takes to keep unfolding and opening to this process of unconditional love ..