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Enlightenment and the Pain of Existence

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I can feel a shift going on in the 'matrix' at this moment. Although it's a very positive shift, it's also very painful, dragging up much debris from the ancient past. Before we come into the bright lights of the new paradigm, we must venture through the darkness. So those on the path, are dredging up much density which is being unwound and released. It's painful yes. It seeps into our thoughts and emotions yes. But the only way out is through. So how do we sail through the stormy waters with the clearest possible foresight? How might we minimise any undue suffering?…

The Akashic Records

The Akashic records contain elementals of consciousness relating to everything that has ever been and existed. They are not in themselves a direct record of what took place, because what took place was like everything else - a shift of energy, a movement of consciousness. And since there is only ever one moment of now, the past is continually moving through the moment and being rearranged. We're left with elements and influences, but not the past itself.

    Imagine it like this: the universe is as one vast, amorphous jelly fish, moving through space time continuum. When it moves, all of it moves. Not one part remains the same. So in the moment of now, there are parts of the jellyfish as it once was a moment ago, and already aspects of the new form beginning to take shape for the moment that is to come. There is only ever one moment, but when you plot the course of the jellyfish, because it's form has a pattern, a flow and a sense of movement, then it looks like there is past, present and future. There isn't, it just looks that way.

    "What we do in life, Echoes in Eternity!"
    Marcus Aurelius
    (so it does, but they are only the echoes!)

So when you access the highest levels of consciousness - the least disturbed by time - you get the closest picture of what has gone before. It feels like you're looking into the past. From this vantage point, I've had many deeply profound reminiscences of the early hours of existence.

The earliest distortions

I've spoken before of some of the earliest 'distortions'. These are where unity consciousness as the soul 'forgets' itself. Instead of always expressing the memory of the original condition of oneness (it's sole purpose), there's an identification with the separation consciousness, with materiality. In a human sense, Adam is getting lost in the taste of the apple. There is 'lack of self-realisation'. The soul is not 'self-realised'. Amongst other key ones, there's a fundamental distortion that I believe many will encounter on the road of Enlightenment. I call it the "Pain of Existence".

    You've expanded out of the density and disharmony of this physical plain. The mind and emotions have quietened. There's much less struggle. Internal body chemistry slows to a gentle pace. Brain wave patterns are theta. In this state, consciousness expands outwards and 'upwards' (actually inwards) through the dimensions. It'll keep hitting resistances where there are levels of identification and karma to process for example. But then you may start getting close to the sense of unity consciousness nearest the source - an infinite sense of connection. The quietest peace. A deepening sense of bliss. You're on the verge of the void itself. Finally the bubble bursts. You drop into pure presence. You're in the void of existence - the absolute Seer of all things.

Yet even here a realisation must dawn: if you are presence, infinite potential, if you are the absolute 'all that is', who is here experiencing it? How can there be an experience at all? Experience presupposes relativity and with relativity comes separation - multiplicity of form once more. You come to realise that indeed duality still does exist. This is where we need to discover how to hold multiple truths simultaneously in the mind: everything is one and reality is an illusion; separation and form is an illusion; yet it's a very real illusion because it's perceived as real. So because there is perception, then there is awareness, consciousness, energy, light and therefore form. Both conditions of being and not-being exist simultaneously.

The Pain of Existence

In this dynamic of being/not-being, you may come to sense and feel that way back when, there was infinite stillness. Peace. Indescribable completeness. No disharmony whatsoever. Absolute crystal clear clarity. Then you may have the thought that you - as an experience, as a soul - can never get back to that point. Not completely, because if you did, then you'd cease to exist. To me when I touched it first, it felt tragic. A sense of intense loss. I realised you could never again experience absolute silence. It felt like 'the pond' could never again be still.

    When I experienced this in the Akashic Records, I could see it was one of the defining experiences of existence itself. And this had shaped all manner of distorted form in order for souls to be able to rationalise and come to terms with this fundamental truth.

In my perspective, many people on Earth today are unknowingly living out this original "Pain of Existence". To me, that's what has precipitated the ever spiralling need for entertainment, for comfort eating and distraction, for the anti-depressants that so many people in the world today are taking (nearly one in four of American women aged 40-59). It spawns conditions like self loathing, self harm, ADD, ADHD and also suicidal tendencies. Indeed to me, it has manifested a key element of the Opposing Consciousness in the field all around us. It's what I call the "grey consciousness" - entities that keep the ego locked in limiting spirals: never ending thought streams and uncontrollable emotional outbursts.

There is a solution!

Have you ever wondered why science is an art? It's because it is open to interpretation. How ever rational, how ever logical, it is still open to intuition. That's why some of the greatest scientists (like Einstein) were spiritual people too. There comes a point when we need to depart the logical conclusion. There comes a point when we simply need to let go... experience. This is what happened for me.

    As I sat in the well of despair that my realisation has caused, I realised there's a point, very close to infinity, where there's an infinitesimally small experience and nearly infinite potential. Experience totally dissolves at infinity, but somewhere down the curve, there's an experience that is so close to infinite potential, it might as well be one and the same. In effect you have reached nirvana - an experience of infinite potential. You have your cake and can eat it too. It's what the scientists call the 'fudge factor' (and very tasty it is!).

So here's the point: you can have your experience, and no matter how painful, how challenging, you can 'tunnel your way through it' into an experience of pure peace. There will be a way…

    The other day, I went out onto a beautiful, golden Florida beach, invited by a friend I was visiting. He often likes to sit in meditation on this particular beach at the sunset. The view and sense of peace was indeed magnificent as the golden sunlight shone across the gently rippling ocean. But I was not guided to sit in the relative peace of the beach itself. I was guided instead to sit on the edge of the car park overlooking the beach. Curious.

    People were still sitting in their cars watching the sun go down, engines on, presumably so that the Air Conditioning would still function. It was a painful noise, a sense of disrespecting Mother Earth and not really tuning into what our divine Gaia has to offer. Nevertheless, I followed the pull and sat with the noise of humming motors in my ears and field.

    I focused on the sun, and its beams of light shining across the surface of the ocean. Because I'm short sighted (what a blessing), the images were all blurry and so as they often do, took off into their own multidimensional dance. It was simply divine. Yet still the motors hummed and I knew they wouldn't go away. Instead I penetrated the sound (found 'worm holes' through) and touched the sun with my consciousness. I knew not to depart, to go out-of-body, because I felt to ground this consciousness.

    So whilst connected to reality, exactly as it was, I visualised the light penetrating all. Now I know that visualisations are really only working on the intellectual plain. If you're not careful you get lost in them and they bear no relationship to reality. It's the same as trying to imagine the pain doesn't exist - you only create a shadow identity avoiding it. Instead, together with the visualisation, I felt the feeling of the pain inside myself, but just a small part of myself, enveloped in light. It was awesome. Beautiful. I allowed the light to expand me way out beyond the sound yet encompassing the sound. The sound was there, but I was not it. The pain of existence was still there, but it was not me…

Synchronistically, after completing this, I came across this wonderful piece of writing...

    An aging master grew tired of his apprentice’s complaints. One morning, he sent him to get some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master told him to mix a handful of salt in a glass of water and then drink it.
    “How does it taste?” the master asked.
    “Bitter,” said the apprentice...

    The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”
    As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?”
    “Fresh,” remarked the apprentice.
    “Do you taste the salt?” asked the master.
    “No,” said the young man. At this the master sat beside this serious young man, and explained softly,
    “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

To be and not to be

So there is a place where there is nothing. Infinite stillness. Peace. It's a non-experience now dispersed throughout the universe, within the experience. You can be in this void, but as long as you still exist, you as an individual can no longer turn off the noise, not completely. And when you penetrate really deeply, through all layers of the cosmos, you might even taste the sense of bliss as an irritation!

But in the penetration of it, of the irritation, a sense of 'nirvana' can still be found through, above, below and around it. Then interestingly, if you stay connected to reality, then you can 'be' and 'not be' all at the same time. And when you're in this place, the very grounding of your beingness, just might change the physical material circumstances to something more favourable too. As long as you're not attached that is, as long as you don't need it.

To me, this Pain of Existence will never go away, but I'm able to work with it so it feels less and less like pain. You can become awesomely okay with it.

from my heart to yours

Open
(on behalf of Openhand)

Comments

Thank-you for your article Open. Perhaps the shift is also part of the mecury retrogade ?

This is where the existential angst of the famous quote ''To be or not to be'', can transform into '' To be AND not to be''simultaneously.

Life and death in one shining moment.....of one long stretched now.

Namaste. Tess

Open's picture

I think all of these various shifts will have an accumulative impact on people who are working to be fully conscious Tess.

Gwen's picture

THE VOID

The darkest of night
Penetrating to the core
An exploration of love
In all loves forms

Sacred, and holy
In peace
Daring to look deeply
At the reflection I see

There’s the hardest shell
Entombing my divinity
Blocking the light
Terrified of this place
This void that appears
In honesty’s place

To fully realize
All I can’t accept in this world
Is somewhere a part of me
Self realize
Self realize
The protection of my core
Can only be shattered open
By bearing all

Can I really find true humility?
Acceptance and surrender to it all?

These lessons of the soul
Confusing my mind
Deeper meaning through it all
Sometimes hard to find
Why is the world this way?
What is the cause?

I’ve forgotten my divinity amongst it all

Sadness draws in and swallows me whole
That I can never feel complete
Here
Never whole

Mind frozen
Heart broken
Just don’t understand anything at all
Path seems so harsh
It’s divinities call

This exploration of darkness
A whole universe of blackness
Self-loathing, cutting open…exposing it all

Different layers of healing
Take responsibility
For EVERTHING I create
Can I be this honest?
Accept the hate?

Slowly I plunder, stumbling
Eventually I fall
Want to give in
I’m just so tired of it all

Acceptance
Surrender
Soften into and through
To hold multiple truths
Here I’m not perfect
Yet the imperfection
Guiding the way
To divinity within

Unfolding slowly
Single petal at a time
Though hard to recognize
At all with the mind

Void of shattering Aloneness
Waiting silently
In the background of my consciousness
Resisting the pain
Of existing at all

Wrestling, screaming
Terrified to the core
I just want to deny it all!

I feel I know nothing
Nothing at all
Duality all around me
Mind can’t grasp two opposites
Oneness yet separate
Splitting me to the core

The only thing left to do
Is to feel it all
No escaping it now
Acceptance of opposites
Is this humanities call?

I love this article Open, so much to get my teeth into and at the same time inviting surrender and to go within...timely guidance.
Thanks
Jaq

Open's picture

Thanks for the support guys.

Here's the point about accessing the void - the eternal existence...
You can't aim for it. At least if you do, you'll miss it, because you immediately establish your separation from it.

Instead seek to align with the rightness you know as your soul. Keep doing this. Keep feeling through any disharmony. Access that eternal knowing, a feeling through and around everything. Align with it, dissolve into it, become as one with it, by following the obvious path that unfolds before you - that which confronts the tightness and sheds the layers. The one that keeps you breaking through.

And then if we keep following this path of the soul, we'll effortlessly drop into the void. All the lights in the universe come on. We're home.

After that, it's ever finer tastes of this sublime being. For ever!

Open

erica r's picture

Pain doesn't exist. It's just another illusion or veil that further validates the emotional response of the interpretation of energy that flows through and is allowed to touch the physical being. It's the minds choice to perceive it as such through the conditioned responses of neural pathways which instruct the mind to apply such meaning. In pure consciousness, potential remains as potential.. neutrality synthesizes entity. These known reference points accentuate envelops. Emotions are a choice in which to express the vibrations/frequencies. It's strange that "joy or bliss" is invited to ripple up and through yet perceived lower responses are no longer "in tune" therefor are inactivated somehow by the mind prior to reaching thus vessel. The heart swells where it feels to fill entire torso at times.
If only I shared in the moment, to find the accurate words to convey what is currently ensuing.. It's so divine.
The words read here align with much.
So gracious for so much sincerity of insight..the concept of holding multiple truths in the mind is perplexing.. Is it referring to the concept of realizing that if the mind were existing simultaneously in multiple dimensions then the truths being crossed through various plains in one being are coexisting therefor its almost feasible to transcend or when needed descend but still holding the truth within of the transcended plains yet its the "higher" vibration that channels or ripples through to resonate into possibly said 3rd dimension?

Ma Elena's picture

Thank you, Chris. Muchas gracias. I needed to be reminded. It is awesome to experience it and joyful to know that it is always there. Silence, interior silence it is a requirement, just observe and keep doing what the moment requires.

It’s truly amazing how although many might have a soul felt desire to be at peace with our current situations, we play the best possible, the most ludicrous and self defeating unaccepting avoidance ‘’separation’’ games we can ever play, addictively ,dogmatically (or at least our egos do)- playing God i.e………This isn’t how it should be, this is how it should be , why is this happening , how can I change it, how can I make it better, how can I climb out ? etc……

We can forgive ourselves. Perhaps in this way, forgive the masses who don't want to awaken for their futile distractions or games they convince themselves with because of fear to face self or their own pain..... In this way we can feel empathy, yes...... even for the ones bringing on the pain...and work through the layers, our own distortions/judgemnets of what we find excruciatingly irritating and dishonest about others........

It’s like reality should be everything which it IS NOT. I seem to have a real difficulty in accepting reality as it is, because it feels often as far away from the divine as I think it ‘’should be’’, and I am being really totally honest with myself and finally am fully flat on facing the GAPS I have created,or perhaps which the flow has unfolded out for me to work through ther disharmonies, totally resisted between me and ‘’life’’. It’s a fatigue, atotal surrender, a feeling of slipping spiralling downwards, descending, a feeling of no longer fighting, a place of total vunerability, transparency- if I saw an exit would I run this time …… ? I am not so sure.

It’s a dark place to reside because I am seeing things as they are and at each point I am observing my own escapes and resisting them at each point which of course makes me face the ‘’reality’even more. I don’t know why I have had such a problem with facing reality, perhaps because as it is can sometimes seem impossible to master, I even wonder if I am giving up.

Bur I know from here only’’ change’’ can take place, I know avoidance, distraction is useless. It does seem like there is so much glamour in whatever form whether spiritual or mindful is crazy.

I was feeling the taste of the void this day, total peace, total acceptance, total stillness, silence-indeed the noise was a distraction and yes I understand the bliss to be a distraction- I had a feeling of totally emerging into the moment, totally becoming one with the moment/ situation.

Totally emerging, accepting . The density totality drains my sense of physicality. Infact sometimes I wonder if I have been a ghost hovering around my own body, never fully emerging embodying…….(sounds a little strange I know)_

So here is what I learned today and how this article has progressed for me without efforting, it just happened as I let go.
That there is a STABILITY in this ''emerging into the void'' and that most of the time as we avoid, disengage from, jump out of ,''fill in the gaps'' wish for something more desirable, i.e existence, or not accept, we throw ourselves off balance, separate ourselves from ‘’what is’’…….. We choose to be separated. Infact we choose to disengage from the divine and only taste bits of it in our separation and again play God with our ego........ it si totally foolish.

WE create GAPS from ourselves and LIFE.Gaps from our true divinity And that is where the divine is residing. It isn't supposed to be easy.

I just have noted the craziness of it. So for me what I am learning is what is is what is irrevocably what is happening and that is the only option i.e reality, there are no should be’s anymore. Only a realisation of merging and uniting with what is. No matter how painful, no matter how much it may make us feel defeated and let down.

Within all dualities we play with, it is forever there.-One ultimate and indivisible reality . So when we merge with what is, taste our own death, touch the void and breathe life perhaps, just maybe the gaps will be closed and change can take place.

‘’Merge and unite with what is ‘’ Adyashanti

Gratitude for this article Open and how it has progressed for me at a soul level . As for working on being fully conscious, there is only one choice to wake up, accept what ''is'', no matter how dark and be gentle with ourselves as we emerge deeper and deeper into the forest and mist and soemhow how develop full trust that it will dissolve and carry us though exactly as it's meant to, just as a wave in the ocean, but with some idea of where we want to go and what we want to achieve.

Tulsi Parvati's picture

thank you...my love has recently passed away...the pain can be almost unbearable some days...your article is help. God bless.

Open's picture

So sorry to hear that.
Glad that you can find comfort in it.
There is no separation - we are all one!

Blessings and love

Open

Tulsi Parvati's picture

Thank you <3

Trinity's picture

Sending you loving etheric hugs Tulsi!

Tulsi Parvati's picture

thanks Trinity, I could feel the love from both you and Chris. I am sure all will be understood at the right moment. And I need to accept that we made an agreement to have this experience together and its all done from love to bring us closer to the truth and back to oneness. xo

....May I add.. There is much beauty, serenity and grace in that acceptance,(and feeling from your words) Tulsi,so many new gifts which will unfold in that oneness of connection. I know what it is like to loose someone close, and that they never, ever leave you. It moves you into another place,with the possibilities of connections not of this place!
I want to share some soul pulling song lyrics from Schiller, (it's also a comforting song.)

I feel you
In every stone
In every leaf of every tree
That you ever might have grown

I feel you
In every thing
In every river that might flow
In every seed you might have sown

I feel you

I feel you
In every vein
In every beatin' of my heart
Each breath I take

I feel you, anyway
In every tear that I might shed
In every word I've never said

I feel you

I feel you
In every vein
In every beatin' of my heart
In every breath I'll ever take

I feel you, anyway
In every tear that I might shed
In every word I've never said

I feel you

I feel you.

Nancy Wait's picture

Love this comment, Open ~ and the article... came along at just the right time!
Thank YOU ヽ(ヅ)ノ ♡

Tulsi Parvati's picture

Thanks for you kind words and support Teresa. You are right it has done so much for me. I had a dream almost 2 years ago that he and I were married and he got a job elsewhere and took me with him, the job was in Phoenix. I know this dream was a premonition of him having to leave to do work elsewhere, the Phoenix is the legendary bird of transformation, resurrection and rising from the ashes, she sacrifices her old self in order to transform. I know he has moved on to to do another spiritual job in another dimension and he has taken me with him there.....

By the way my name given to me by birth mother in this incarnation is Theresa Smile

This is really incredible, that as I am finding my peace with the pain of separation and distortion, over the last couple of weeks, this article appears, as if it's some kind of confirmation, that it's ok.

To me, it feels as if I am continuously realizing the wall between me and this place where I can disappear and finally feel at home. Because this place... it brings tears to my eyes every time I am touching it... is just unattainable. There will always be a wall, as long as I exist. It's a promise never fulfilled. I stopped mourning about it, and started to see that if this wall was not there, I wouldn't be able to experience home. But I didn't stop crying, both in the moments of experiencing its beauty overflowing my heart, enveloping me, taking everything away, and in the moments of deep sorrow and painful yearning. I cry my heart to the universe a lot now and it washes and comforts me with love.

And I know for sure, I will all get there when the time comes. At this point I don't mind to spend eternity in this longing, because I found my peace with this feeling I am experiencing as I am writing, with the tears, with contradicting feelings and I found way to be happy when I feel this way.

What is happening, that with acceptance of the way things are, the world is and I am, this pain turns to some sophisticated kind of deep spiritual pleasure, it's almost like making love with the experience. No resistance at all, then it just flushes sweetened by grace and purified by light.

Unlike before, instead of allowing the sadness fully consume me, I am also celebrating that I am so blessed to even feel so close. This is the moment of peace, a sense of absolute perfect completeness, feels like totally empty and full at the same time, and the feeling that it's finally over, it's all over, and I can rest in peace now.

Just a little taster reminds me of who I am and where I am going, and gives strength to keep penetrating through all those walls of separation again, and again, and again.

Sometimes this can be unbearable, to see how far I am, and sometimes I know it's always there, inside me, and I can rest any time leaning on this transparent thinnest glass and looking through it at the only thing that is real, that makes it possible for me to stay alive, to know that in truth, one day, I will cease to exist. It's a paradox.

I guess the only thing that helps me is really not judging, rejecting or resisting any of what I experience and observe.

So for me, in cases when I feel like my soul is 'offended' by some piece of reality, I just feel everything and then work on 'arrogance'. I call arrogance anything in me that is judging or having an opinion about reality. And it looks like I sample and try anything that looks wrong, so that I can understand why and how it can happen, how it feels.

I lost a lot of my 'spiritual pride', many rejections fall away. Rejection of myself and reality as it is. It brings me peace, and it brings me closer to myself, people and home. I don't exclude anything. I just do what is right, no matter what I feel or think about it. I guess it's just that there is nothing you wouldn't do to make another tiny step towards your own disappearance, once you've touched it, and this is the one thing in life I don't want to have boundary or condition with.

Whatever the universe wants, I want it too, and vice versa. This is where I want to live from, this is how I feel it should be. I believe that in this kind of surrender and commitment there is nothing I can't endure really, even if feeling like it's too much.

So I guess one of the great things about all this is that we're just on our way home Smile

PS: BTW, it's funny, because I feel so belong on this page, talking about this thing I experience all my life, and my picture is here, Trin catching me in one of those moments...

Biggrin

Beautiful Yulia. I was just reading the article "What is your purpose" from the site and the passage below reminded me of what you were speaking of.
"The external mirror is showing us two things: both our distortions and our magical gifts of beingness. If we can accept the distortions, not need them to go away, but explore who we are through them, then what happens is we tend to drop into the void of infinite potential and from there, we touch a magical gift of beingness which is being reflected in the outside mirror. Then all we have to do is to attune to that gift to have the most incredible creative impact".

Hey Mike

I am really happy to 'see you' here Smile

Thanks for the quote. There is always a shorter version of what I say haha

I am experiencing this one as long as I can remember myself. Recently it's become pretty intense.

I wrote a post on fb today, sharing Hammock's West, something that sounds like home and takes me home,

and sharing today's experience. And then remembered there was an article on Openhand and that I should share it here actually. It was funny to see the photo too, as if confirming something, saying "it's ok".

I am copy-pasting:

"Today I was flowing with Hammock, got lost somewhere deep within myself. And then I had to pop back up. When I realized I am here, and have a body, it was a shock. But with all the pain I felt contentment because I also was calm in this panic, which is usually not the case. Thoughts of killing myself floated softly and then disappeared, as I was surrendering into the illusion that I must live and the sorrow about it. Was tough to contain. I was looking for a place inside where there would be no conflict anymore, where everything would fall into place, the two opposites would collide and resolve each other, and couldn't. So I just felt it all, watched it moving, changing, spreading and dissipating.

It was just another doorway. Another degree of acceptance was reached and with that another level of separation digested. Sometimes it seems there will be no end to this. I guess it is ok.

And till then, I have ways to bring my home with me wherever I go, and keep me floating between the two worlds, somehow, so I can function.

I am really grateful..."

Thank you for his article Open - it's come at just the right time: a lot going on both physically (what ever that is) and emotionally. Interestingly the mug your young lady is holding in the picture at the top of the article is exactly he same as one given to me when I moved across from Eastbourne 2 1/2 years ago. (She also seems to be experiencing a head ache - spot on at the moment). This article was definitely meant for me!

Thankyou!

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