Thank you for responding, Open. I feel gripped and haunted by a particular past life in ancient Rome when I was a military leader and chose to go against the powers that were, take the high ground, and do the right thing rather than brutally annihilate a village. This resulted in a savage attack on my "innocent" family and loved ones. It feels like bottomless sorrow having failed to protect them. At a deep level, I feel I deserve to suffer for sacrificing my family on the altar of high moral ground. I haven't been able to forgive myself, which is why this experience still holds me. I feel as though I can't atone enough to assuage my guilt. Choosing a disability in this lifetime has enabled me to become marginalized and invisible to a degree and to hide out from any position of authority where I might be faced with similar scenarios. There is a fear that my actions might cause harm to others again. And so I choose to continue to suffer physically and to become more disabled out of fear, guilt, and sorrow. There are other karmic links to past lives behind my pain and disability, but the past lifetime I've described here is the one that is impacting me the most. At times, I get a sense that I abused my position of power in two other past lifetimes that resulted in the harm and suffering of others. Those experiences compound my attachment to suffering in order to atone for what I did. I know that I now need to ask, "Does this still serve me?" No, I don't believe it does. It's time to let it go. It's not who I truly am. Can I accept my past actions and be okay with them? I feel compassion for myself in those lifetimes. Perhaps that's a start.