Thank you Reka for opening this space! I feel a huge responding within. Around 4 years ago a woman came into my life who opened up my awareness of the divine feminine... It was incredibly hard for me to digest... I had accepted so much of the status quo with regard to childbirth, healthcare, moon cycle, relating, that I felt like I was constantly on fire in her presence - much of that was quite positive in its overall effect...I felt/ feel so much guilt for what I have accepted, where I have given my power away, where I have lacked any true knowing that I could trust from within. It came in through this woman on maybe an over energized destructive quality ... There was an underlying anger that made the delivery overly harsh for me. ( this is an interesting statement to me). But it was a huge wake up call too.

This struck such a strong chord with me:
": I work as a doula, I accompany women to hospitals for their births, and what I see there is simply tragic. Women are literally abused, and raped. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but with medical equipment, they are induced, sedated, raped with metal utensils, they are robbed of their own personal will, and inherent power, robbed of their femininity, and connection to their own goddess inside."

This was me, every time...but like I said I hold such a sense of guilt for not being in my own power, for not trusting myself or at the time actually for being completely ignorant. Every time I would go in with the intention to give birth naturally and every time I was induced or or as the intensity increased I couldn't find the pathway through and those around me didn't know how to support any other way than having an epidural which would cut off my ability to feel the natural urge to push - there was a disconnect from the lower body....The whole birthing experience was cold and impersonal and actually almost hateful feeling. I remember one doctor upon my pressing to give the baby more time responded "do you want your baby to die inside you?" Or when a male doctor reached inside to check my progress with such an aggressiveness that it hurt me and he said "it's going to hurt a lot more when that baby comes out" ... I just felt so weak and powerless and yet my dreams since then about birth are always me in a tribal setting with other woman empowering me, telling me it's time, that I am ready to give birth and I feel so connected to nature to my own nature, to the Earth, I feel so supported.... Juxtapose that with the birth of my children and with my own physical birth (stuck many hours in the birth canal and pulled out with forceps) and it is a stark conflict. Of course this is all here for me as guiding lights to retuning to inner completeness... It all reflects the personal karma and as you say Reka the larger stories/ archetypes/patterns as well.

There is so much more I can explore and will - I so appreciate this space. I feel an enormous gratitude for you opening it... For fully putting this out here...I will engage completely as I explore this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! <3 with love, Jen