Chester's suicide, his childhood abuse and suffering, his addictions and recovery, his abiding love for his friend, his grief, his courage, his vulnerability, his honest music and lyrics, the brilliant light of his soul...all of it stirs up so much pain, anguish and sorrow, but also ignites deeper compassion and love for all the lights out there.

My sister committed suicide when she was 29. I was a year younger. She was a misfit from day one and probably would have been diagnosed as autistic in today's world. I was told to stop crying at her funeral because I was upsetting my mother. I didn't cry for many years after that and recall thinking when I was 35 or so how strong I must be. Ten years after her death, the tears started rolling down my face. I couldn't stop them. That was the beginning of a long healing journey, realizing over time that being 'spiritual' isn't about not feeling emotions, coming to understand that expressing and honouring the vulnerability of one's soul is true courage and strength.

Perhaps Chris and Chester are happily united as brothers again in their home star, beautiful light beings once again, singing free. I like to think so. Not long after my sister died, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a brilliant light that filled the room. My beloved sister was standing there. Shining like the sun. Telling me she was at peace. Telling me I needn't worry about her anymore. It's taken a long, long time to process my grief. Somehow this post helps.

Thanks to Katie, Open, Trinity, and Jen for this.

x Cathy