Dear Open,

I'm feeling deeply overwhelmed. I think it comes from feeling torn between the old paradigm and the new within myself. I had shared earlier that my husband ( who represents security and a sense of home externally) is bitterly opposed to me attending the retreat in Belgium . I recognize that much of what I was reacting to within him was merely a reflection of my own deep deep Fears. Fear of changing ,fear of finding myself without approval from my husband ,fear of loneliness. These fears are competing with other fears . Fear of not doing enough ,if not being good enough when the time comes.

I am feeling I to these fears best I can and since they are so strong ,they feel deeply karmic. In my fear of loneliness I feel scared to be ' cast out into the black cold'. In my fear of not being enough I sense self-judgement . The last time around I could not save enough people even though I wanted to. I am even afraid of all the internal and external changes that will inevitably occur after an in person retreat .

And yet there is a part of me that's rubbing her hands with Glee. Bring it on she says 😄

Lots of love ,

Megha