With all the craziness going on the first thing I did is looked at my feelings. What I felt was sadness and frustration. I was born and raised in violence, and during my life I had to deal with reverberations of this violence and aggression in myself, watching it destroy or damage my relationships, including the one with myself. Years after years I am going through therapy, doing my inner work, processing, unravelling, letting go and basically finding out who I am under the layers. So being far from saint I am in no place to judge the insanity going on. What I am doing is looking in the mirror, realising what this kind of consciousness can do if allowed to spin out of control.

Open, you wrote "see it as the manifested shadow and everything you are NOT"

But what if , unfortunately, I still have this shadow inside of me? What if many have some kind of shadow to deal with on the inside? I am always careful not to externalise my own distortions and direct my attention somewhere out there instead where it somehow always belongs and goes back to - inside. In my personal experience all these "dark" forces permeate the fabric of life, at least here on earth, and it is a very delicate work to untangle it and choose, consciously choose what's right, no matter how hard it is, working against the habitual, almost instinctual reactions and responses. It is not enough to declare what we'd like to choose, what's necessary is to actually act in new ways, building new pathways.

So before I can say I am not this shadow, I must act like I am not, which is still work in progress, and it goes much slower than I used to expect.

Yearning for all this situation to resolve itself asap,

Love,

Yulia