Thanks to all for this illuminating discussion. Egads, it is so hard following the openhand way as Yulia pointed out. This morning I found myself singing the lyrics to "The Impossible Dream", which my father often sang, and these lines, in particular, stood out: "…to be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause…to run where the brave dare not go." Seems impossible, indeed, like the title says. Why would anyone sign up for that, I asked myself, feeling exhausted and battle-weary. A close family member had a melt down yesterday and asked me why "we" (she and I) haven't been blessed by the heavens when the gods seem to be favouring so many around us? She was mirroring my unconscious wish to find the flashing neon sign that says in large letters, "ALTERNATE ROUTE: EASIER WAY OUT." I also found myself listening recently to a popular musical from the 60's called "Godspell." Many of the song lyrics beseech the Lord Jesus Christ to save us. Another mirror that spoke to my unconscious longing to "put the load" on someone else -- some "god", some wizard, anyone but me -- to beam me up and magically deliver me from hardship and suffering into the fifth dimension. I pondered all of the mirrors and felt the truth that only I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul: no-one else -- and no critical mass -- is going to self-realize for me. My karma, my responsibility. I thought of Nelson Mandela, Ghandi, and Martin Luther King Jr. and their astounding heroism to run where the brave dare not go. Little 'ole me, I thought. I'm hardly up to their calibre. I shrunk down for awhile and flopped back down on my bed, thinking: "too hard, too hard." Then I sat up, meditated, felt the light of higher consciousness embody me, and decided that little 'ole me is going to go for it. Because it is a "possible" dream for those willing to march into hell. And because for me there is no other way, scars and all. Love to all, Catherine :)