Deep thanks for your reflections Eduardo and Open,

Eduardo - It was nice to see you reflecting back to me part of what I had realized...that I was fighting the not knowing.

Sense of rightness seems to disappear, as does any sense of support or guidance, in these moments when I perceive a need to rush an answer. The more I find it unavailable, the more I spin mentally.

As I regressed myself into this feeling of being pressured to respond with a decision, a lot comes up...everything sinks into my solar plexus and feels like there is a fist squeezing my diaphragm. I feel cut off and without any guidance or support - I notice there is a rushing sense of anger - around the sense that someone should be telling me what to do. It feels like I am spinning like a flat disk. I resign myself to not being able to decide and let things happen on their own - though I don't feel this is an aligned surrender - it's more a giving up. I notice that there is an underlying sense, very subtle, that when I need support or guidance I will not have it. That causes my arms to feel heavy and squeezed in toward the center and a general sense of dropping - like falling down.

It seems like there is a resistance to connecting to willful internally motivated action and it goes into anger projected towards external sources. There is still a sort of helplessness and seeking for assistance that comes up and cuts me off from connecting to my higher self. I will keep exploring this and see where it goes.

Much love and gratitude for the reflections. Jen