Hi Open,

Its been a rough road. What I've drawn to myself is very challenging and brings up so much rage and powerlessness. But yesterday I was made to realize even more profoundly that not only did I ask for it, albeit in an unconscious drug-addled time, but that part of me is still aligned with it. That was a gut-punching, heart-wrenching moment to realise that. But as hard as it is, I do remember where it comes from and that I have the choice not to go along with it. I also have a feeling I have created this from past lives. I have always been too enabling and appeasing of stronger personalities,thinking that doing that the problem will just go away. Afraid to say no because of violent backlash. Well now I ask myself what's better,being attacked or being in a prison where I carry monkeys on my back, barely able to walk and no privacy. Having to fight just to Chakra tone or eat healthy food. Having my choices derailed at every turn.

I'm worried soul can't get through but there are moments where the outer reflects to me a reminder of my truer self. A flock of Canada geese flying right over my window, and then again a week later flying right over me as I wait for a bus. They invoke such a deep comforting connection with nature. I have much work yet to do here but my hope is to follow them out to the country.

I have been finding solace in Chakra toning, and checking in with chakras a couple times a day. Also finally getting through 5Gateways and feeling I'm finally ready to hear what it has to say. Also being pleasantly surprised by it; I hadn't expected it to have so much information that was relatable. It almost feels like reading it is changing me somehow. It makes me feel anticipation for what's to come, though I see how attached to many things I still am. It feels like the child is readying to take the steps to leave the illusionary safety of the familiar yet dysfunctional nest, and courageously step into the unknown. Here's hoping! I just need to shed the things keeping me from the whispers of my soul, because without soul there's no pilot.

I remind myself that everything is to remember and reunite with soul, and that the more I commit the closer I'll get. Nothing stays the same so let's come out of this clearer, calmer and wiser, and ready to embark on a journey.

Thank you Open, for your unswerving commitment to helping us find our way. Enjoy Sedona!

Respect and appreciation, barb