I feel you, Keith. I'd been feeling this way since 2015 and it was one of the factors that contributed to my suicidal depression. But since several days ago, I've decided to become empowered and said to myself "F*** it all! I'm going to save myself no matter what!" And then I was guided to Openhand where I discovered the most efficient way of unravelling Karma/distortion besides being lifted out of my depression after watching a profound video here.

So it's not all hopeless. We can save ourselves by gaining awareness and quitting this control drama that doesn't serve us. (Btw, the reason why I still haven't killed myself even though I was suicidally depressed for so long was because I feared that if I died unenlightened, my soul will be harvested by the control source and be forced to reborn into this world again or worse, be forever trapped in one of their prisons/labs where I'll eternally suffer from their perverted tortures or experiments. Lol. Now that I think about it, it's ridiculous. Although this fear helped me stay alive until I've reached enough self-realisation to know that I'm sovereign, and for that I'm grateful.)