Emotions so real, so raw
Self-realization, a double edged sword,
Duality all around me, the two sides of the same coin....
Through deeply feeling our pain can we come to find our deepest peace,
An expanded awareness that travels from other dimensions, through time and space,
The material and ethereal, all must be embraced, as to know one is to know the other.
I cannot escape these thoughts and feelings - so real and so raw.
No matter where I go or how far I travel, whatever I experience or with whom I meet.

I cannot deny myself.

My conditioning, the distortions I carry bubble up and out of me with the fullness of my soul.
Feelings of not being good enough haunt my dreams and disturb my heart by day.
How to accept this world with its pain and suffering - I sense a reality so different from this separation I feel.
As if from a distant memory of another lifetime where there is no illusion to confuse the heart.
Where we dance in completeness as radiant as a thousand suns.

Did I arrive here too early? Frustration surfaces with what I see and feel around me - Is this reality?
How to accept this world yet at the same time hold the energy for a new earth to form?
Where we live in harmony as ONE.
The earth is so beautiful - I am filled with wonder at nature's awesome splendor.
Yet my heart cries at its destruction as if I feel the pain as my own.
This invokes a deep sadness and longing within...inner peace...just a dream?

I sense a restlessness within my being, an impatience...I have gathered much knowledge along this path,
now it’s as if all I have ever learnt is exploding into nothingness before my eyes.
I wish to follow no-one, no guru, no method, no teacher, no dogma, no concepts.
Just to stand strongly in my own deepest truth, be my own guide, with no system, no control.
My own light illuminating each step on the path, unfolding and ever changing.

I wish to feel every part of myself raw and naked to the world, letting go of fear so that someday I will explode into a thousand pieces, the pain a catalyst that turns the hungry caterpillar into the humble butterfly.
Though in this moment I cannot hold any particular form or concept - I have no clue of who I am becoming,
I have no energy to hold any particular outcome.
All I am left with are feelings...
No past and no future - growing weary of efforting at all.

Everything I thought I was is dissolving inside me.
I can hold nothing..

Who am I becoming?

What is my purpose here?

I have no response....

I am nothing and everything as one.

By Gwen