Thank you, Open and Eddie, for the comments. They were an encouragement just when I needed it. Posting set off a lot of (somewhat unexpected) emotions, like feeling exposed and small, self-judgment and doubt and last but strongest shame. Yes, I think there are some more distortions to unravel.

Kind of looking forward to it, actually. :-)

Eddie, I feel such joy that my ramblings struck some chords inside you. Let's sing together. :-)