Jen and Marije,

Thanks so much for sharing, for Relating! I'm really glad I reached out now. It really helps to feel that connection with both of you, going through similar individual themes within different life circumstances.

I didn't realize it til just now, but I watched an Ellen DeGeneres stand up comedy special today (not my typical fare I admit!) ... and the name of the special... was "Relatable." :) She talked about a time in her life in her early 20's, when she lost her best friend and roommate in a car accident, and had to live in a crappy basement level tiny one bed apartment infested with fleas because it was all she could afford - and not knowing what the hell to do or what she was good at. She wrote a heartful letter to God involving those fleas at that low point, which turned into her first comedic bit, which turned into going into stand up comedy, which turned into achieving and having everything she could possibly desire.

The one thing necessary to keeping it all together was that she had to keep her sexual preference under wraps. Which she didn't think was that big of a deal. Plus at that time, 15+ years ago, it was considered family and career suicide to "come out of the closet." But she started gradually feeling like something was amiss - although she still didn't know what - and began noticing strange signs like seeing 11:11(!) every time she looked at a clock.

One morning she woke up after a vivid dream in which there was a bird in an ornate wooden cage, and noticed that the cage was pressed directly against a window. And the window was open. In the dream she told the bird to stay in the beautiful cage, where it was safe, but then she suddenly turned into that bird herself. She responded that she needed to go. Suddenly she realized that the space between the bars were large enough for her to fit through - that they always had been - and she flew through them and out the window into the open sky.

She said that dream made her aware of the fact that she could no longer hide any part of her true self, and was no longer willing to. She said wasn't even aware she was living in a cage at all until having that dream. So she made the immediate decision to come out, ignoring the advice of pretty much everyone close to her, and did so live on the Oprah show, the biggest television stage around. After that, she suffered for three years, lost all of her money, and no one in town would cast her in anything.

And man... Ellen now - at least in how she came across to me in that hour long special - is living this over the top, epic yet simple life being true to herself, doing so in a way that IS actually Relatable, and that relatability inspires countless people to have a look at and even break out of their own cages.

Open,

Thanks for inspiring us to do the same. This particular one hurts like the dickens. LOL at the cowgrazing though.

E