Hi Nikki,

I feel your struggles, and very much relate. Especially now. Things are getting so intense and food grounds and eases, and can also feel like a connection to better times. In my case it also became a stuffer-down-of-feelings, and even punishment. When Open mentioned the 'energetic vomiting' it jogged a memory that at one point i had started doing that during particularly intense emotional purging, and it made me feel lots better. Just make sure if you feel to do it, try to do it before eating so you can feel the trapped emotions coming up and out and don't have to worry about making a mess if it comes up suddenly. And don't hold back!

I was pretty much raised on junk food and have struggled with binge eating just as long. For me it comes from not being certain i was always going to eat, and having experienced hunger during traumatic times. Food was also used to pacify and appease. So it's no wonder i became very food-driven. I have started talking to the little girl who still feels the pain of her childhood, and it has helped so much. It has to start with self-acceptance for me as i spent so long beating myself up. I still struggle with food addiction but a recent illness has forced me to change everything. No one should have to learn such a hard way but for myself, it was a huge blessing. But the cravings are coming back as my body heals, although i think there's enough damage i will never be able to eat like that again. It's going to have to come down to the very thing Open speaks of, to dig deep into those feelings and work through them. So I'm right there with you and hoping you will be kind to yourself because it's not your fault! Love and blessings, barb,sylvanheart