Hi Open - thanks for the article. Very helpful as always. :)

The past month I found myself sitting with a very heavy energy. While in the past I could usually shift it quite quickly this time I wasn't able to do so. My energy level became extremely low, I couldn’t sleep properly, had lack of drive and the feeling of “here we go again” – why is my frequency range falling down after all the work I have done? At the beginning I thought I was processing old emotional traumas aka karma but as this went on for weeks I started having suicidal thoughts. What interesting about the suicidal thoughts was that I had no reason to have them. I find my life to be a beautiful one so why suddenly an urge of “going home”, of exiting the planet, of leaving it all at last.
My mum used to tell me that as a young child I had many breakdowns. I used to cry for days refusing to eat or sleep so they had to take me to the doctor, who didn’t really know what to do with me as I appeared to be healthy. When I tune into the memory now I know this was the age when I became aware of the timeline in which I was living in and that it was not a good one (if you don’t like drama or pain). But I stayed. So why suddenly I had a desire to leave or commit suicide in the middle of an extremely short game (yes, life on Earth is extremely short) that was just highly suspicious to me. After scanning all the bodies for the negative energy and asking “is this mine?”, my energy field vibrated with dissonance yet I couldn’t see any further.

Then one of the nights something that I used to experience often as a teenager took place. In my sleep, I felt a full force wave of fear projected towards me, the only difference this time was that I (still don’t know how) knew how to deal with it. I could stop the wave just before going into my energy field and remember saying something like: “I protest your attempted interference of my mind and free will.” And then I said they were breaking universal protocols and that I would report them. But report them to who!? Now that I consciously try to analyse what happened that night it feels so unreal to me yet at that moment it was, indeed, a very serious matter.

I’m trying not to judge the events of that night as I consciously choose not to have a light/dark paradigm experience and also hold no judgment on how and when a person decides to leave the planet. Leaving right now might be to avoid experiences that the soul has not subscribed to but I think most of us didn't come here to avoid life or the games that are being played on the planet, whether these are positive or negative, and it’s good to be aware of the desperate attempts of the matrix and the old system to keep the fear frequency alive.

Love

Desi