For me it is when I am experiencing intense suffering and contraction and seeing everything sinking into darkness within and around me. If I manage to 'not believe' what this darkness paints for me, believe that it is just a veil, allow myself to rest in it, pray and find a spark inside that will carry me into at least partial expansion, joy, gratitude, compassion and love for life, then suddenly I can 'take it'.

Then it feels like I am lifting all this darkness up.

I still struggle with the right words and actions when this kind of processes happen and repeat some of the 'loops' and actions, thoughts. One day I will be able to transcend in time so that I don't repeat what I know is destructive and damaging. Then this alchemy will be fully fulfilled for me. This is what I yearn for.