Hi Open,

The reflections coming to me recently have been that I want to control everything and I definitely see that now. So that would be a shadow that I need to question Why? I seem to manifest really great things without even trying, yet when I have them, I'm always worrying they'll go away. (the poverty thing) so I get anxious. I'm really able to see this much better now since the recent retreat and the crossing paths with someone who outright pointed out how I want to control everything. Ok, I see that now. The next part is to figure out how to work on that and I've been still stuck on how to stop controlling it all. Maybe it's a karmic thing? Maybe I embody too much of the partriarch and not enough of the matriarch. I'm looking at that. Why can't I let go? What has happened that causes me to feel the need to control every little aspect of my life? I see it but not sure how to work it out. I know to relax and allow but that's easier said than done! MOre than that needs to be worked out.

So I'm sure recognizing is a big part of being able to finally start breaking through it. I bet I focus too much on the what could happen "IF" and that brings up fear, which brings the urge to control life the way I think it "should be". Why can't I just relax and enjoy my new creation instead of worrying about how it may not last? I know the answer is there inside for me to find. Sometimes I don't see the reason for signs and synchronicities until afterwards in hindsight. But one person popped into my life very suddenly and for a very short time recently and said outright how controlling I was. They were right. Something in my shadow side causes this and I just want to find out why and then really understand and process it out. Any reflections?

This is scary but also a sense of excitement that I'm on the brink of getting it, if that makes sense.

Sherri