You maybe right Open. There most definitely is beating myself about the outcome. It's a funny cruel paradox. First there is need for it to be a particular way - perfectionism. Then there is a judgement about needing perfection. I think if one can watch themselves without judgment, then all of it's ok. So I'm doing that now. Also lack of patience. Oh how much I would like to just get out of this limiting loops. I can see how it blocks full creativity. So yea it makes sense of these limiting mind loops can hinder the creative energetic flow from the higher self. So in a way it's a good thing - I'm bringing light into these thought patterns. I don't think theres an attachment in the emotional level at this point.

This totally makes sense - go with the first impulse and not beat myself about the outcome. But the second part is the hardest. It's like programmed deep in the psyche. No worries, I got all the time I need. Man, I'm in touch with my soul. This much I know. Morning, I was walking to the nearby river, listening to some music. All this tightness and mind games where there, yet there was sweet emotive soul responding to the music.

I maybe challenging myself too much. I think it happens when I feel a lot of commitment towards the path. Even meditation at this point can become trying. So I'm giving up. It's about the joy. Spontaneity.

Today while coming back, I saw a dead yellow bird. Yellow has been my totem colour for a while now. I wonder if it represents the pleadian energy. I think the dead bird is speaking about how effort can kill joy and spontaneity.

When the over questioning is there. It's questioning everything. Even the things that I had felt passionate about pursuing. Now it's a dim shadow. But being in the inner joy all of the little things become an act of liberation and awakening.

I see how I'm not limiting myself by questioning what I write here because there is less investment in how it sounds or appears to others. It's a place where I'm learning. But in other platforms it's a touch differrent. There is an investment in an image of mine.. An image I'm preserving in these end times. Funny thing..

This helps man, really! I get it, I'm gonna do what I feel pulled to do and not care about how it appears. And you are right, the clicking in itself is the validation. That's the feedback mechanism of the soul.. Then this not clicking in and effort and urge towards habits are feedback for the ego I suppose. That's also sychronicity. I have been feeling pull and love towards putting out some recipes in my website and it has been flowing well. But today while coming back with some groceries I fell down with the bike while parking and something broke from my bike. This happens when I'm in mind or some hurry. This is feedback for the ego.

I feel some relief already by writing this..

Thankyou for listening. Great that my shadow inquiry has inspired you to write a cool article.