Hi Open, thanks for this. Definitely feeling the Ra influence. When I focus on the crown I immediately notice a heaviness, like something's there. And no doubt I've got the foggy brain, although i'm sure that's also helped by misaligned habits. Very emotionally labile. Also feeling a strong pull towards the baser urges, especially socializing with drugs and sex. Strong urge to reconnect with a person who facilitated that for me but was not a healthy connection and also a source of obsessive attachment (limerence; not my first but by far the strongest and still going but making progress there too). I'm feeling pulled in two directions; one takes me back home to my soul and the other to a dead end. But that dead end is so much fun after all the turmoil I've put myself through this year. I keep flipping back and forth between those two paths it seems. How do I get to the center? I struggle to sit in silence; always need to be DOING. Endless mind chatter. It's frustrating. I have more success with the breathing though so will focus on that for now. Never stopped with the inner work and distortions though, and keeping myself present, and I feel like progress is being made. Question re Sirius and the lost souls: were there not higher benevolent beings around to help them relocate or move on? Where was the angelic support? Or was it just that Ra was benevolent at that point then started leeching? I guess I'm a bit stuck on that because I don't want to be a lost soul; I already feel like one. Another conflict I struggle with is the pull between the need for freedom and the desire for comfort of the familiar and safety. If I'm an old soul, and have gone through the death transition so many times, why am I still so scared of it. Why can't I remember? I had a brief vision of getting my head guillotined in what looked like the dark ages. Which to me seemed like an easy and merciful death. Taking a shower in Germany was very much the opposite. But that's it. So the battle rages on inside me. I'm just glad low income and health struggles are tamping my urges down and keeping me out of trouble. Hoping I can join in at the New Year's retreat. A focal point to keep me grounded. Blessings and love, barb 🙏🤍