Hi open, and thank you chad for your post on CPTSD.

I continue to experience CPTSD as a result of a series of traumatic childhood events, in combination with my previous work where I worked with victims of sexual abuse.

The symptoms are not as bad as they were during a ‘breakdown’ I had around 2 years ago but I do still get what I would call intrusive images. I have tried telling myself that the images unrelating to me (a ‘video’ or a flash of a made-up image of an abuse scene based on a description given to me by a victim of abuse) are not my experience but this doesn’t seem to work. Even when my own stuff comes up, telling myself it was just an experience doesn't seem to work very well.

Do I just keep pushing on and telling myself these experiences are not mine when they relate to a ‘video of abuse’ playing in my mind? I can’t seem to shake off the images I have accumulated over the years in my previous role.

I’m working to break down identity and karma and have just recently had a couple of breakthroughs, one being directly linked with the distorted goddess identity where I am aware of being in a position of power and toying with men, having them at my beck and call whenever I wanted. A sense of entitlement and ‘don’t you know who I am’ attitude has surfaced, which is linking with numerous other aspects in my life, and which I am working into.

I have to wonder if I’m somehow holding onto these images as a way of punishing myself for my behaviour in the past life. As I write this, an emotional response is surfacing and I realise I may have touched on the real issue.

Any reflections of observations are very much welcomed.

With love

Nikki 💕