Dear Openhand Community -

What is coming up for me now as we transition into 2024.  Ah yes crossing the Karmic Plane feels right!  I've been around the Openhand work and community for a bit of time now.  What has always kept me coming back is a deep-felt resonance within the core of my being.  I feel I've always been committed but maybe it's been in a half ass way.  I will grow, learn and evolve as long as I'm in close proximity to those seeking the same thing.  I've learned a lot about myself and how I show up in the world and this community and energy has helped foster these realizations.  Some big and some not so big (very subtle shifts).  

Some things have transpired recently within my relationship that have really shifted somethings internally.  It feels like all the work that I've been doing up until this point is all being put to the test now!  Feelings of abandonment and betrayal are the 2 biggest things coming up for me at the moment.  Also, this feeling of being discarded.  So, I've been sitting with a lot of confusion, grief, apathy, anger, numbness to name a few.  I've invested all of my being into a particular mirror and now that mirror has shattered.  Feeling as if I'm at ground zero, all my old reference points seem to be dissolving from within.  It feels quite disorienting at times, but I'm working with it.  I also feel this energy of excitement through it all too!  I've been hiding and playing small for years only giving the world and others just a snippet of who I truly feel pulled to be.  That was an incredibly exhausting and inauthentic way to live.  I've always felt this dissonance within my being and as I've grounded my soul through this physical vessel, I've become stronger and more resolute in who I feel pulled to be.

I've always felt quite empathic over the years, really learning how to feel my energy and also the energy of the field around me.  I've lost myself many times in this energy, many times along the way.  I've always felt this warrior energy that has been lying dormant inside of me too.  Shame has kept that energy below the surface.  Old wounds, programing and conditioning did a good job of keeping the lid on that jar.  

I would say that my most recent life experiences have blown the lid off of that jar.  Whatever was blocked with my being was something very deep and I feel that it definitely extended past into past lives, that's why my soul had to create just the right circumstances to blow that fucking lid off because I wasn't taking it off myself because whatever it was felt so "BIG" and overwhelming.  So here we are at ground zero working with whatever is coming up in any given moment.  Starting to navigate forward one conscious breath and step at a time.

What is coming up for me now is the need to heal and integrate what has come up for me during this time.  It feels like so much so fast, but I feel I've been readied for this particular moment in time.  Learning to hold the tension of opposites comes to mind.  There is no going back and changing things to live comfortably in a reality that was slowly killing me literally.  

I feel 2024 is ripe for change, evolution and growth!  I'm grateful to be part of a community such as this to explore the deepest depths of my being and to hold space for others to do the same.

With deep love and gratitude,

Chad