Hi Open,

I was thinking about the timeline. Since it was expressed that it had become shorter and that Gaia had moved on, initially there was deep sorrow. And I do believe I still have attachment to her though subconsciously. I think it manifests as concern and attachment to my sisters who I believe may have been my children in a past life. I know it is time to let them go. But since then I've fluctuated between relief, excitement and worry that I just won't be ready in time. I'm sure I'll face the fear and sadness again at some point, especially if resources get diminished and planetary energies ramp up the ructions. The other night I was contemplating my huge distortions and misalignments and frankly, abject toxicity, and it came to me not for the first time that I feel like i would need at least another lifetime to unravel the mess of dysfunctional behaviours and beliefs I carry. But the thought of having to do this again, well, not even the lure of a comfortable, prosperous life can seem to make me want to go back down that path again. My first feeling is I want to move on. I want to see what's next. I want to shake of the indolence and stagnation and bust out of this prison and explore all the wonders and marvels that lie beyond this 3d form. It remains whether i have not only the courage but the strength to persevere. At this point all i can tell myself is "Fuck it, keep going.", to borrow your expression. Let's see how far we can go. If I do have to do it again then so be it, but let's see how far we can go first. Let's push on till dawn!

Struggling with toxic people whom I've attached to me via my own typical distorted behaviours, I couldn't seem to pull myself out of the mire. Still working on the chakras, connecting with SGOB and anchoring to the base anyway; I won't give up even though at times it seems hopeless and that I'm more disconnected and foggy than ever. This morning a wonderful shift: The deep sorrow and dejection at feeling powerless was gone. Suddenly the behaviours of these people didn't matter anymore. This is my current journey and these are my lessons. Such liberation! I have to keep reminding myself how i created it and that I must align my toxic behaviours and that what these people are giving me is actually a gift. To see how my thoughts and feelings manifest my reality. But to be at this place of acceptance and possibility is such a relief and blessing! I ponder, "How did I do it?". I believe I've had help in the dreamtime though I can't remember last night's. It could be the obsidian mala beads I started wearing to ward off intervention. It could also be that I verbally expressed before falling asleep that I would only allow and receive anyone and anything that only had my best and highest interests at heart. That I would not entertain energies that negatively influenced me or misled me. It has been rampant in my dreams of late, how I keep allowing maligned energies to lead me around by the nose, even behaving against my values knowing my teacher sat nearby. This is not who I want to be. I need strong boundaries even in and especially in the dreamtime. Working on focus, awareness, presence is hard for me right now. It feels like trying to to wake up after drinking too much. But I will do it not because it is easy but because it is hard! Thank you JFK. Because I know it will be the making of me.

This renewed feeling of hope and possibility is all I need to keep pushing through even stronger, letting go even more the things that divert me, and committing even more to the path.

This morning as I made breaky, the dawn twilight was particularly beautiful and magical, and I was given to deeply express my gratitude to the universe and helpers for this much needed shift and redirection. My efforts have not been in vain and just show how I need to keep practicing patience and trust. Then as the sun rose, it somehow gave off a green light for several minutes that I basked in, breathing it into my being. What I marveled at was how the night before i had started to call on Archangel Raphael to help me with some healing issues as i struggle with internal disbyosis and an infected wound that so far has been resistant to treatment. I stopped myself because I feel I should be learning how to heal myself, but then realized I'm at a vulnerable place and maybe it's okay to have help until I can do it for myself. Till I'm safe and sound. I worry as i have no desire to take antibiotics but fear the infection may become systemic. But again the lesson of patience and perseverance is gifted to me and today the infection looks like it may be damping down again (thanks to the miracle of tea tree oil!). Just like the intervention struggle; it gains the upper hand, but then grace realigns it. I too think this can be expected across the board. It will gain traction, but then the light will break through and damp it down again. Until the final purge.

And now a beautiful fluffy snowfall which i love so much, purifying and cooling my infection. I am looking forward to this journey. So much gratitude and love!

https://youtu.be/GKe-sQ23f_Y?si=URqactwefrTd6ZJP

PS Forgot to mention yesterday in the middle of watching the podcast a truck went by with the word 'Findlay' which to me easily interprets as Fin=french for end, and dlay for delay, but didin't get a sense whether it was that it would be delayed or trying to be delayed.