Hi Michele,

Thanks for the reply and honest reflection. Yes it can get quite overwhelming, and it seems as though the lessons are ramping up and pressing in on me, when all I want to do is get some rest and take a breather, What's that line from Harry Potter? 'The dark lord isn't resting'. Every time lately when I choose the soft comfort over spiritual self-care I pay the price, feeling more cut off and less able to cope with the shenanigans I created. Even in the dreamtime I feel like i get tricked and violated in some way when I get lax with my internal orientation. Today as I perused movie selections it came to me I didnt even want to watch a movie and that I needed to get back in touch so I sat and listened to some chakra music and focussed on each one and right away started to feel better. Like I was back home again and could cope again. I keep letting myself fall back into the same old habits but each time i see sooner where that gets me.

I get frustrated when i can't sense things; i could before so why not now? Whats blocking me? Could it be me? Im not sure. Ive never got to a place of confidence with reading things. Always second guessing myself but getting better at knowing when its heartfelt. I expect too much and want too much to impress. At least im aware.

I admire your courage at facing the unknown. I have a long way to go with that. But im focussing more on the moment now, getting used to keeping my full awareness on the present. Its hard work as i spent most of my life avoiding the moment unless it was pleasurable. I need to remind myself of that very thing, that every moment has opportunity in it. Nothing like meeting interesting and inspiring people, when one is not closing themselves off from those opportunities like i do. Still so much ego. Its a process, just feels like im spinning my wheels most of the time.

Thanks again for the feedback!