Thank you for the reflection. When I wrote my post I had decided to take your opinion on this to heart and therefore, I will not follow through with my original plan and instead look at the possibilities you mention above. Incidently, earlier this week I have already started with breathwork and meditation for the first time in my life so I suppose my soul is once again way ahead of 'me' here.

Why do I reach out to Openhand and why do I consider your opinion to be of value to me?

Whenever a, haha, mighty coincidence takes place, I keep an eye out for accompanying synchronisities. Sometimes, these border on the improbable in such a way that even my left brain becomes so tired of trying to come up with a 'sensible' narrative that it yields. For example, in the period I wrote my email at the beginning of last month, the answer to deep questions showed up immediately or within a few minutes so often that the possibility of there not being some form of benevolent guidance at work just became an insane notion. It still happens; I have already mentioned it on the forums at least once that I ask a question and then find the answer shortly afterwards. Since I am not sure whether it would also work if I do not put the question 'out there' in a tangible form, I keep doing this. Higher self? Spirit guide? I don't know and frankly, I do not wish to define as it is my belief that definitions lead to limitations. How can I define that which I cannot comprehend and how can I hope that my stitched together and duct taped definition comes across as that which I am trying to convey? By doing this, I am limiting myself in my approach as my made up definition will nestle in my left brain where it can forever shout and throw rotten fruit from the sideline. In my email I talked about feeling surrounded by a billion years of knowledge which I cannot access because it is not all for me. That is as clear a definition as I am willing to make.

I had never heard of Openhand before subscribing to Ickonic. I subscribed there because for some reason I decided to reread David Icke's Children of the Matrix earlier this year which I hadn't touched since 2001 or 2002, somewhere around that time. The book looks heavily read, there is a tear halfway across the binding as if it has been opened hundreds of times which *drumroll* doesn't make any sense. I then became curious, is this bloke still around? Turns out he is. I went to Davidicke.com and looked around a bit. In the book section I looked at everything he wrote lately and there were two books I felt compelled to buy: the Answer and the Trap.

I read the Trap first. As I have mentioned, I have been, as you call it, jibjabbed and I have never felt so much dread as I did during the reading of the Trap. I finished it in one day as I knew I had to get through it as soon as possible so I could start facing what I had done to myself. Starting from that viewpoint, the Answer was quite a bit more light reading. Both books are now somewhere out there; I placed the Trap on a bench and the Answer on an outcrop somewhere with the full intention of them being found by someone who really needs to read them. All I can do is trust and know that it is so. I will keep Children of the Matrix as I am curious whether it will have crumbled to dust next year.

Now I shall be very honest here. After that I subscribed to Ickonic and at some point was browsing articles. I came across an article written by you, I don't remember which one because I only remember two things: first, it didn't resonate with me in the slightest and second, I thought: who the ** calls himself Open?? Over time, whenever I saw another article by you there was a, hey it's this Open guy again, and it was a good laugh. I just couldn't take you seriously at all (but this did not prevent me from reading all those articles... hmmm)

Later I watched the Divine Intervention video and waddaya know, here was that Open guy again. But now that I actually saw and heard you, the message was suddenly worth listening to. In fact, I was moved to tears about the Archons situation which you described, I actually broke down which didn't really make any sense, and it came from a guy I wasn't taking seriously at all which also didn't make any sense. So the end conclusion was: this is so improbable that it can only mean that I have to follow up to this. What is this Openhand foundation?

Then came the email I sent and the rest is a bit hazy, I do not really know why I waited for a month to sign up, it's probably because my sudden emotional outburst settled the day after and I once again found myself categorizing, rationalizing and explaining once more. But over the past month, the amount of visual cues, song lyrics and conversational snippets just added up and here I am.

Every time I have been on these forums have ended in me finding an answer, or a question I didn't know I was asking. The universe always finds a way? Sometimes that way is just very funny. I have always been someone who can't really believe anything until I experience it. I think that may be why I am experiencing so much synchronisity to the point where it no longer makes sense to believe anything definable. And when faced with an eternity of everything, does it truly matter whether I reach enlightenment five minutes or five million lifetimes from now? I am letting go of these desires, it is tempting to believe that this path will culminate within this lifetime but I might drop dead at the end of this sentenlacnAWLnffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

just kidding. I am letting go of the desire to reach anything, if 'I' die then 'I' come back and whatever happens happens. Sometimes I just need a nudge in a feelgood direction and right now, this site seems to be full of nudges.

So I apologize for not taking you seriously at first, but also I don't, because otherwise I might have never ended up here. (is that the diplomat speaking? :D)