Marye I was reading your sharing and I felt a resonance with what you shared here....

"Fear of releasing/losing control"

I realized that there is management happening within my inner process...there is resistance to letting light in and there is this control mechanism for catching that. I realized that if I am truly present then there can be complete allowance for how/internally where, the current flows. If I can truly surrender to what is arising inside then I also feel the resistance to dark/light arise and can soften through it and release it. Not sure if this makes any sense but I am seeing there is a strong control mechanism inside that is managing the flow inside and creating complication.... Perhaps rooted in a lack of trust in the flow. Very illuminating! Thank you for sharing so vulnerably and honestly... It's helped me see myself. Love, Jen