thanks for the post chris,

when you say" bringing in the light," im confused. I dont imagine or visualise "bringing in light" at all really, i just work to completely accept whats there and then sometimes if its a dark thing i accept, it changes and i feel a bit more of myself come alive, sometimes i feel clarity, sometimes light as a result of the process, but i never imagine bringing light?
It occured to me that i could try to remember the feeling of christ consciousness that i felt to keep it "alive" in me, but its a tricky thing because the mind does the imagining and the mind can own the experience and deny the genuine one. ..

i just tried to imagine the christ light i felt in the back of my heart surrounding this density, it feels ...weak, the experience seems weak, diluted. maybe because my mind is hazy lately

is there something im not getting about "bringing light"?

Update on this karma that seems to be taking ages to process:

this density ball i spoke about in my last post that seemed to get lodged somewhere between my throat and my heart - im pretty sure it still hasnt budged and my awareness of it is waning. Im pretty sure the idea is not to lose awareness of it, i want to address this thing before it becomes "part of the furniture" and i dont notice it. I know that perhaps im choosing to ignore it as it is so overwhelming. I decided to take myself of to the beach a few times and the waterhole to try and "charge myself up" for this challenge, the density showed itself again to me a couple times at the waterhole and each time i just cant seem to get myself to stay with it. Its either too feint and i lose awareness of it or "too much" and i cant stay with it, i kind of just want to focus on the earth and connecting with it, more specifically, this earth body that ive been given to use!

but then on the other hand i want to deal with this density ball!!

im frustrated when i cant feel this density ball because i want to feel it to process it, anxious about processing it even.

but then when i can feel the density ball, i get overwhelmed and feel like im going to pass out, like its too much

maybe i should just let myself get feint next time, i get the idea somehow that passing out is like being owned by the wave instead of surfing it tho..

quotes about "taking the leap" cross my mind however when i surf ive seen what happens when one surfs outside their capabilities. So, when i surf i wait for the right conditions for my capability and as such i am far more likely to ride the waves -not just spend the whole time getting wiped out battling currents and exhausting myself.

thing is, with surfing, its clearer to tell where your at, capability wise, and what wave suits

but with processing karma, i have no idea what is comming and what i can handle!!

so it feels as if im at a standstill.