I think there probably was an element of 'forcing' it to happen, and going along with what others wanted for me. That's probably true. I did question if it was meant to be when all the emails started not arriving, but let myself be talked into it as it was a beautiful offer from dear friends. So hard sometimes to feel the pull. Thanks for sharing about your wedding - it helped to understand the situation.
Regarding the 'being left out'... there is a reflection here but I don't know what to do with it. I have tried the openhand way of surrendering into the feeling and trying to come through it into a place of light, but I am still getting repeated occurrences of it and now have done it to someone else.
I think I need to consciously practice gratitude for my life as it is right here and now and forget about friends. But that is hard. And just writing that brings up a lot of sadness / resistance. I am truly attached to my friends and wish I could see them (no-one lives closer than a 1hr30 drive). But our life seems to be here where we are right now.
I've neen stuck on this for a few years now and it's driving me mad!
J
x