Dear Open,

Let me too be a bit personal here:

yes, i know, i experience this pain on a daily basis too. As much as it is my pain, in this body, i experience it also as collective, planetary pain.

Haha: It's such a limbo, each day I awake not knowing what's today on the plate? ;)

Often I go into a state of ghostness... the pain is soo deep. And then by the end of the day (on good ones it's earlier), i dutifully command myself to be here. To feel. To be at peace with whatever I feel. It takes huge effort. And it's disturbing to see others not experiencing this.

Often I am exhausted though in the outer world seemingly not much happened (except workshops done, letters answered, loving family, husband, three children comforted, dressed, fed, schooled, etc etc etc)

Often I'm overwhelmed and having a woman's body, and its powers, I do also clean physically as well beyond the personal me. Realizing the body as well (and not "just" the soul) as part of a collective is a powerful experience. (Btw people might want to check the other thread Honouring our Sacred Cycles by Trin some days ago).

Often I do feel I'm going mad.

Often I feel alone. Solitude I can take, but this feeling of aloneness is challenging. Clearly I'm not the only one feeling like this but for me for sure it evokes karmic experiences of abandonment. I see people disappearing. Like in a fog. Or space. Others appear in the space. Some stay. Some pass.

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We will all have to go through an incredible amount of letting go. Sooner or later.

And here is the question, as always (a little joke, but not only..) "how does that make me feel"?

How does it make YOU feel that all your efforts and input are in fact there to take you towards your own dissolution and death (on one level, and daily)?

So to be able to face our own losses and changes, and passings and deaths, all in the spirit of inspiration, strength and power is really what we need to be practicing here and now.

We ARE already practicing it now. In spirit! I mean, in a spirited way.

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It's a desert. But some "not quite insignificant people" did survive a symbolic 40 days out there, faced their demons and came back. They did that to show that we all can (and must) do the same.

And so, in this barenness - it's not really a "choice" as i have nothing else to do - i drop into the directness of my Love.

(I know, I know... it's a "tacky", misused word, but i did work on cleaning it for myself hugely in the past years. Maybe better word: softened acceptance and an inner glow of being it all along with the vulnerable and raw sensations of losing one's own sense of self - but it sounds so silly like this ... haha)

It's not easy. But that's what I can do.

What's on the "outside" is important. And a clean mirror. And is continuously changing. Often people think that action MUST be in the outside world, the so-called "objective reality", else nothing was done, or is not worth doing. Our world is very extroverted, and externalising most of what's inside. And it's great (though often tragic).

Yet, the work inside sould not be underestimated. And having a look simultaneously in and out, in love, needs spirit.

What I see is that this "practice", this spiritual bravado, with the strength, flexibility and sense of balance of a circus artist in each and every moment is an important part of why I am here. Why we are here. Maybe this is the main reason to be here. Collectively and personally.