Awesome exploration and expression - I love your poem! I totally resonate with what you wrote above especially here:

"How do you I hold two seemingly opposite energies at once? So I invoke a feeling I feel that I need to work with, and I become the observer of that feeling, so then its seems as if the feeling itself dissolves because the observer is neutral and non judgmental of the feeling, its just watching it, so then the feeling dissolves, but how do I know I have felt the feeling enough and not just dissolved it? As it seems that it is impossible to hold the relative 'issue' and be the non judgmental observer of it at the same time?"

Years of practicing detachment and being the non-judgemental observer has severed me from feeling. I have also observed that it feels impossible to watch the feeling and still feel it as it immediately dissolves when it's seen. From what I am gathering, allowing myself to let go of the observer and dive into the experience of the feeling is key...and then once really felt, noticing/feeling the sense of beingness that is right in the midst of the feeling and yet is not the experience at all. Perhaps someone else can elaborate on this more as I am only just starting to really go into this but felt to respond here.

xo Jenny