Hey there fellow travellers,

I too am wondering about whether in a past life I was a grey or something due to the strong feelings I feel. I have battled with feelings of utter abandonment and desolation for a long while now (years). I had no idea what the heck was going on and thought I was going into depression again like I did in in my past. Since I woke up I realize it must be some kind of karma thing I need to sort.

I woke today with such a strong sense of yukkiness(i call it) and tried to feel into it and do the bow thingy to intensify the pain and not run from it. It lasted ALL day! And I didnt seem to shift. It paralyzes me and I can hardly function, like wading waist deep in sticky mud. And sometimes its so bad I just want to bail out, but I realize it isnt an option for me anymore. I so desperately want to shift this hideous thing and get the gold! Am I missing something in the process? Aargh! its sooo excruciating!

The good thing is, that at least I am not running and distracting myself like I used to, just feeling it, but ALL DAY, long! without a breakthrough is a bit daunting to say the least. It almost feels like grieving after someone has passed on.

I am fairly new to this and still learning how to process things the openhand way so any input would be greatly appreciated.

Much love

Zee