Thanks for your sharing Jen. I resonate with what you're writing. Because I started this life fully awaken with crystal clarity at some points on the path I was hoping I'd go through an awakening, a major shift like many people describe but now I'm unsderstanding in my case all I need to do is to look deeper in those areas I take things so for granted and when I look closer what I find is that I'm following the voice of society not my own and when I go deeper I start to get nauseous, I've accepted things that are so far away from my truth especially with regards to accepting those aspects of the divine feminine that I've ostracized and with regards to the body and pleasure. I've also used my gift against me and over giving in places where I need to be firm and don't actually want to give anything at all. The extremes within me are so that I've got courage to do all this crazy stuff but then for things that really matter I dont know why the energy dissipates. Or rather I do know. I bought into the fear and I understand why because ti was so rampant because practically everyone I'd met had bought into it and at some point it became comfortable not to test it out. Still its hard and I can only face certain things with a fair amount of food.
It saddens me that Chester and Chris moved on. Its crazy to think that there are some people walking around thinking they are replaceable