Hi All! I am exploring things around the experience of choosing vs the experience of aligning with soul and allowing that to determine direction etc. What I am struggling with is the sense of pressure to move in a direction or not to within a time constraint. It seems like I keep creating the feeling of being in indecision yet it doesn't seem like it's ok to stay there. My sense of it is that yes, there needs to be an okness with the not knowing and patience to let it land, however, I see through multiple places in my experience that there is an internal pattern of letting things happen passively... holding the tension of indecision long enough for options to close down or for someone else to pull out of the dynamic. I know it has been reflected to me multiple times that the ray 1 - more active decisive energy may be invited...however, I don't feel that...I feel just neutral and containing, waiting, staying and this is reflected back to me.

Yesterday I took these feelings and experiences out on a walk and just allowed them all to be here and witness what arises. I was drawn to sit by the river and just observe. What drew my attention were suspended leaves...hanging by webs or spanish moss. The curious piece about it was that internally what came to me was how the leaves were having a particular (and what I perceived as a beautiful) experience of the wind, and its impacts, that would have been unavailable if not for the thing holding them. They were in suspension, somewhere between the world they knew on the tree and the one that gravity is pulling them toward. In the midst of this revelation, a man and his child came riding by on the trail and the man yelled to the child "WAIT" in a loud and clear voice as he jogged past me chasing his child.

So I find this all very curious ...I see myself in the suspended leaf and the experience I am having of in-between ness...I am ok with it until things arise that ask me which way is the wind going to take you? When I look at how I felt in relation to the leaf...I saw it as a unique and beautiful experience - yet potentially limited. I wonder what I am stuck on and why I am holding myself in this place of suspension...feels good to put this out here to illuminate it more for myself and perhaps life will show me more of what is going on.

Ahh and some things are coming together after a jog in the twilight (how fitting!)...I wonder what might happen if in the moment that I feel it's not ok to stay in suspension, I didn't try to figure it out or give an answer but really got completely ok with the suspended state...even if that means others have to move forward without me. And the challenge in that is then to keep some attention on it and see when something comes (and maybe nothing will come?)

Thanks for the space to share!! <3 Jen