Hi Open,

A month ago I had a strong judgement from one of my family member. It wasn't direct but it had all the impacts on me. His judgement was this ~ I'm doing nothing even I have all the calibre to achieve materially, I'm just copying my partner and being a shadow of him . A lot of anger came through as my initial response which was swept away by a lot of tears. I started questioning myself. It is true I came across this level of teaching through him. We are in a similar situations and we use the same tools but we have different inquiries. Does that mean im copying him? I started resisting/fighting the judgement internally. It shook me in all the mental and emotional layers. Until I reached the point, I have no problem copying others, I'm an exact copy of universe. I don't know from where this knowing came through but it softened the internal resistance and I welcomed the judgement as an opportunity to look where I'm unconsciously following my partner.
The thing is when ever we plan to do something together this judgement pops up and I start questioning my response. It feels like I'm not ready to let go of this judgement. Still it affects me what other people say. Another dynamics I'm involved in is self protection mechanism. It's like I'm being protective / overprotective to myself. I don't have any connections/ communications with my friends in schools, colleges, places I worked before and with my sister's. When ever a message / call come from them , I feel irritated like ' why are these people calling me? They don't get me and I have nothing to say/ask. Later I feel bad about my response. I know their motivations and orientations are different yet I feel to ask ~is it because of my judgements I can't connect with them? If so I wont connect with any people plugged into the matrix. How can I move on? What are my attachments. May be I'm expecting them to accept and see me as who I'm now and I'm being irritated because that's not happening.It is the prejudice in me telling ~ No this person can't see you,.do not engage and lose your energy. How far the protection go? I know it's not alligned. But somehow I feel hard to let it go.

All reflections are welcome

Soumya💥