Hey Aspasia,

I didn't feel to reply since i had cold for some days now. Thank you for your question - very catalytic. I believe it has to do with conforming to an idea of someone spiritual,successful etc and following that instead of following my soul or what's right for me. Deriving self validation, self respect from the external circumstances. I haven't really explored the flexibility that i talked about ,it just came out while i was writing that comment. So maybe i will see it more. If i see what is happening to the planet right now and put that into my situation then theres no reason for me to long for perfection as i see it is all transient. I observe it fluctuates between this identity in the head, true commitment and surrender and after a while it comes to equilibrium which is what is right for me. It may contradict with what i believe is right. Often others or some situations can push my buttons when i'm being inauthentic and this can serve as a pointer. Today im sitting here slightly feverish frustrated by all the loud noise,unfairness,clutter,dirt and all this feels real. My family seems very ok with all of these things. I wish if i could accept it like them. But i know it is in these moments like this that i can truly let go.

Vimal <3