When the inquiry went deeper, I realized I was holding on to a sense of myself as identity, a reference to the old me. I now see myself standing on a precipice staring into the void and the invitation is to jump, but there is an internal panic of "who am I when I let go??" The old behavior gives me a reference to something I know

I can relate to this. I've noticed that there will be an old sense of self or identification with certain behaviors. Even when we fully realize that the behaviors don't serve, the sense of comfort of being in the old identity can pull us back. I think the key for me is to be completely honest about it. And to watch myself when I go into the limiting conditioned behaviors, but much more consciously—to be in the feelings when I'm in them and not to judge myself. When we touch and express the aligned behaviors like eating healthy food for instance and how we feel about it, it becomes easier to know where we really need to focus and put our attention. Then it becomes natural and not a matter of discipline. I sometimes purposefully go into the old habits, just to see how I feel about them at this point. Even those become learning opportunities if we are conscious of them.

The likelihood is that all the conditioned behaviors would have some karmic source pain in them. The behaviors are formed from it and, in a way, stop us from fully going into the source feeling. We have to unpack the identities and thought patterns to go right into the karma. When the karma is resolved the behaviours wouldn't have a place to hook on. I hope that make sense.

Vimal