Hi Open, thanks for this space I wish to call it out from myself.

I do recognize that my personality has a tendency to come through a lot in this distrotion. Take some of the BS energy, blend it with the karmic knots of Sirian archetype and particular absence of Ray1 (alligned warrior) and you might get me in closed relationships. There is basically no control in my expression, it is more of subtle manipulation. Might I eventually learn to persist long enough sitting with unresolution, without trying to manipulate the outcome?

I've probably mastered the pull away technique when it comes to relationships. My first (and only) intimate relationship has started at my age of 28. Therefore I know very well how to hide this aspect of myself when interacing with people on a daily basis. What I am experiencing in my partnership is probably the other side of the spectrum. I'm expereincing even greater tendency of avoidance coming from the side of my partner.

Being aware of my own programing and tendency to re-shape the reality it is very natural to me in holding an open space for her own inquiry. What I can clearly notice is that field of exploration predominantly comes out of our wounded selves and tendency of escapism. This sentence in your text spoke directly to me: "which is because you're always holding back your own expression because of how your father was with you".

I simply don't know how to transcend this lack of "healthy fatherly figures" that has became a fertile ground for the reality construct that we've created together in order to lock ourselves away from our own distrotions. There is an underlying intelectual understanding of the process and so far we've been able to meet in the comapssionate presence. Eventhough it feels to me, that climbing the energetical mountatin for each next reallignment keeps growing stonger over time. Is there an end to this procees?

I hope that sharing my experince can make some sense. Just having the space to write about it has brought some sense of ease to my experience. There is definitely a recognition of the bigger picture when dealing with BS energy in the process of reconnecting with the figure of "heavenly Father". The reflection that came to me through some other writing of yours is that of being the custodian to the process of crystalization.

The prayer that is emerging out of this text invites me to become fully aware of my own "activity" through personal relationships. May I learn to become a vessel of compassionate embrace for all parts of myself that might get lost in interactions with others.