Dear Open ,

I have been struggling to write anything at all on Openhand recently . I have been embroiled in feeling abandoned ( emotionally ,karmically ,physically ) and that is playing out into my relationships as well. I am seeing how I abandon myself and how the energy of my being reacts to bring in a relationship. Oh the swathe of neediness ,the contraction ,the drama ....all Me !

Even as I write this I feel like I am really far from unravelling it because it feels so ..seductive . My partner currently seems to embody perfectly all the ingredients needed and it takes SO MUCH Presence to stay with the rapid onslaught of emotions and neurochemicals as I feel like karma and hence life circumstances have hardwired my configuration this way .

I go from fixing things "outside " to remembering that it's me to unravelling a bit and then again and again. Whew ! :)

Strangely enough my biggest ally is my dog called Orion who helps me ground in playfulness and sheer physical activity . In the midst of the craziness ,I resolved to attune and express what I was feeling .

I feel this karmic energy echoes down to 2nd and 1st chakra layers and is an easy target for Ra. Who demands loyalty in exchange for appearance of family/community /a sort of forgetful fuzzy confusion that is a warm cocoon away from the brouhaha of feeling one's abandonment wounds .

Grateful for any reflection . And feeling rather overwhelmed by what feels like an enormous knot within myself .

Megha