Hi Soumya,

You did ask for a reflection, so do be prepared if it's not one you'd considered, or could be triggering. 💖

You said this...

I realized I didn’t trust myself to stay there until every penny ran out. So I caught my breath and came back to my parental home—still with fever and cough, with no resources, no relationships or friends around, and complete uncertainty.

Each cell in me feels the density. I know it’s chaotic here, yet I chose to come. With debates blaring on news channels, reels playing on my parents’ phones, a door that can’t be closed properly—there I sit on my bed with my headset on, meditating.

I don’t know… I was laughing today while watching my situation. What crazy joke am I playing here?😁

To me, what I hear, is that the situation at home isn't uncertainty - but certainty, security, and even comfort - you're looked after, even if it's not what the soul wants. Right?

I wonder why you find yourself without resources etc - why do you need to always go back to the family home? And, what do you spend your time doing there?

Without wanting to patronise, you're a skilled and educated mature woman - with a degree in chemistry, I understand?

So why not change the dynamic and look for a job?

You often speak of poverty consciousness, but meditation isn't the answer - it establishes the inner inquiry. Dynamic meditation must then lead to a path that changes things - the requirement to confront: "What's holding me and why?" This is NOT an intellectual inquiry - it's one that directs you to engage with the fullness of life and really feel the density that triggers - then to process it out.

People often turn away from paying jobs in the Matrix because somehow they've misunderstood 'it's necessary to leave them to be spiritual'.

But our spirituality stands for nothing if we can't apply it in the day-to-day - that's the spiritual gym in which we grow. And we can't facilitate someone in the Matrix if we're not able to thrive and proper there ourselves.... "Teach what you embody, embody what you teach".

I think Profound Self-Honesty is called for - do you really want to grow? Surrender might have worked before, but it seems like other qualities are now necessary, if the path is to truly progress.

Have you considered looking for a job?

Much love and respect
<<< Open 💎