Thanks y'all for the insightful and inspiring discussion! And thank you, Open, for raising the topic.

I've been feeling into where I'm at in the Gateways since I first read this post. I felt it as an invite to go deep into what conditioned patterns are holding me back (always a feast for the Grays). I looked back to when I first joined the Openhand community in 2013 and feel pretty darn good about how far I've come since then in expanding my consciousness. Back then, my soul longed to express and free itself. But I was too fearful to express my feelings honestly, in general. I would suppress, suppress, and suppress some more. Then the lid would blow off, and I would over-express, pissing myself and others off, blaming myself, feeling ashamed and guilty. I still have my moments, but I'm far better at expressing how I honesty feel now without dishing out the 'loaded' words. That's not to say I always get it right about how I dish it out. But better, yes, indeed.

Thanks to participating in Openhand workshops, I came to realize that I had denied the vulnerability of my soul and had attached to a false, love/light spiritual identity, and had sunk massively into an 'anything goes' mode, allowing others to trample over me with disrespect and a lack of kindness and compassion. I burst that love/light bubble a while back! Now I call it for the most part when whatever is happening feels deeply misaligned, disrespectful, and unacceptable to me. I am getting better at 'calling' it respectfully but firmly from a calm, centered space.

I have honoured my soul's longing at various points in my life to express aligned, right action due to the powerful uprising of warrior will I felt from deep within, but I didn't always do that with calm resolve. Sometimes I got the balance between Ray 1/will and Ray 2/Surrender just right. The Peaceful Warrior. Sometimes not. At times, I quelled the uprising of warrior will out of fear and did not act on what felt right and aligned in the deepest depths of my being. Now I act on those feelings much more often and then move into right, aligned action. What a sense of joy and fulfillment that brings! That's not to say it's always an easy path! That's an understatement! But I increasingly have experiences when I spontaneously go for it. Instead of getting stuck in a mind maze of intellectual over-analysis and dissection, dampening the embers of my soul in fearful 'what if's'. It's a powerful sense of fiery commitment, resolve, and rightness that proclaims ultimately, "I'd rather be dead than not act on what feels right. This is who I am. This is what feels right here and now. This is where I stand and hold."

So when all is said and done, I feel I'm in Gateway 2/Realignment, aligning most of the time with the fiery will of my soul, supported by synchronicity, flowing with the divine, taking that first step down a path of light that beckons, "Come hither! We are with you."

In feeling into the invite that Open put out there (Where are you in the Gateways?), I have been contemplating the conditioned habit patterns that hold me back at times from aligning with my soul's authentic pull. When I first got into the Openhand way, I tried to 'control' aligning with what I discerned as right, denying deep-set patterns of behaviour that I have been immersed in throughout my life. That kind of 'forced' alignment most certainly did not feel effortless and harmonious. It felt like torture, in fact. So I've learned to honour my conditioning (I am not to blame but I am responsible for letting it go), finding patience and acceptance while observing myself caught up in all those ruts, those neural pathways, aware of OC's tentacles in the background. Continually refining the balance between Ray 1 warrior will and Ray 2 surrender and acceptance.

All in all, I feel I'm getting close to letting go of what no longer serves my evolutionary journey and realigning most of the time with my soul's will and the flow of divine benevolence. And when I do, I'll be heading down the corridor to Gateway 3/Transfiguration. I have some fears around that as in, "Lord Shiva, please don't let my kundalini awakening be too disruptive!" :)

x Cathy