5GATEWAYS remastered 2022: Life's Game-Changer

Submitted by Open on Mon, 02/14/2022 - 06:18

"Being is the Change" is something you often hear on the spiritual path. But what does it mean exactly? Beingness is far much more than simply surrender. That's just one quality of the soul. In your essence, you are a rainbow of fabulous frequencies, which when actualised, have the capacity to transform your life in the most profound of ways. Embodying the 7-Rays of Light is one crucial aspect of Openhand's remastered 5GATEWAYS work 2022. It's life's game-changer...

The Time of the 5D Being is Here!

Reality bends around what you are being. But the soul has been buried in a global mass of doing. What if you could uncover pure treasure, nuggets of buried soul gold?

When you can do this, then you won't have to effort and struggle in society's great transformation, because everything will shape around you and the path unfold before you. That's the power of the 7-Rays of consciousness that Openhand is working to bring to light.

We've remastered our celebrated 5GATEWAYS work - the transitions encapsulated in the story of Jesus. But far from a religion that we all must worship, we've liberated the truth in the story to provide a profound multidimensional routemap for every one of us.

Where are you on the path right now?
What karma is activating that is so influencing your life?

Illumination is the Key

Let's confront it by illuminating it and processing it through. It's the only way life can change for us as individuals and at a planetary level. It can only come from an elevation of consciousness.

And just how do you navigate in these crazy times? How does your own personal soul compass work? Knowing this, and constantly tweaking it, can spare much pain and heartache.

That's the purpose of the Openhand 5GATEWAYS work, which we're guiding on our upcoming zoom and terrestrial retreats. Even if you've attended 5GATEWAYS previously, we can guarantee you that you'll discover something priceless for your journey forwards right now. Because the work keeps evolving with the times.

Testimonials - what are people saying about us?

And for newbies, what's it like on retreat with Openhand?

Here's what people are saying...

It was tremendous! I really felt like it was family. Thankyou for your strength compassion and honesty and lets not forget humility which is not that common these days. I am so blessed to have come across this work. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart.See you down the flow. Erin

It was such a privilege to be part of this retreat. I don't really have the words to describe it all, except: love. Within a few days the whole group felt like home, family and beyond. It was such a healing experience.The deep(ening) openhand work, the fabulous care of the hosts.. just, wow. Much love! Hannah

"What an amazing, powerful experience.. To me it felt the most important thing I have done in my life so far. Powerful! I am so grateful to the facilitators, to every body Who was there and to Open for the valuable teachings and his presence. Something unlocked for me.. Something that i ve been looking for quite a while. I am so grateful! The Meditations mindblowing, the energies so powerful the transformation so Present. Thank you everyone for sharing and contributing to what took Place." Vaso

"I was wondering how the virtual one would work and now I know the answer...brilliantly" Diane

Upcoming Program

Here's our upcoming 5GATEWAYS program for February and March...

Illuminating your spiritual emergence from the defunct old 3D/4D reality. Navigate a path of light from your higher self guidance. Embody 5D consciousness now for divine manifestation. This is Openhand's Seminal spiritual routemap of the Journey of Ascension, remastered for 2022.
Your pathway into 5D!

Illuminating your spiritual emergence from the defunct old 3D/4D reality. Navigate a path of light from your higher self guidance. Embody 5D consciousness now for divine manifestation. Spiritual routemap of Ascension, at the marvellous Eden Rise Retreat Centre on Dartmoor.
Your pathway into 5D!

Join Open for a powerful evening of high alchemy in the Glastonbury Town Hall. These events always coincide with tremendous field shifts and light infusions. We'll film it for the wider community, but be there if you can. It's by donation at the door with refreshments.
Your pathway into 5D!

Illuminating your spiritual emergence from the defunct old 3D/4D reality. Navigate a path of light from your higher self guidance. Embody 5D consciousness now for divine manifestation. This is Openhand's Seminal spiritual routemap of the Journey of Ascension, remastered for 2022.
Your pathway into 5D!

Contact Tilly

If you're intrigued, explore further and contact us about getting involved.
Do you have any questions that need answering?
Our community connector Tilly Bud would love to help.... contact us.

In a world that's gone crazy, where you can't trust the landscape or the old pathways through, it's high time for a new way of navigating. It's high time to unleash a profound new aspect of being. Beingness is the change indeed. See you there!

Here are those contact details again...
Tilly Bud would love to help.... contact us.

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I felt to share some lovely closing photos from our marvellous Eden Rise retreat a week ago...

Hannah & Chris sharing free-wheeling experiences...

Ellen and Freya - having a punch up!!...

Alex and Jane - telling a tall story!!...

A wonderful group of souls - a pleasure and a privilege hosting you...


We still have a couple of places left on next week's 5GATEWAYS remastered retreat on zoom. It's a real game-changer. It's the last in the series. Don't miss out!!...

Illuminating your spiritual emergence from the defunct old 3D/4D reality. Navigate a path of light from your higher self guidance. Embody 5D consciousness now for divine manifestation. This is Openhand's Seminal spiritual routemap of the Journey of Ascension, remastered for 2022.
Your pathway into 5D!


16/03/2022 Journal Update

It turned out to be a wonderful evening at the Glastonbury Town Hall last night. A vibrant group from the rainbow tribe materialised and greatly contributed to the energy - thankyou from the bottom of my heart for coming and making it such a memorable connection Heart

Fortunately, we were able to capture some good video footage of the whole seminar and it's my aim to have a video together for this coming Saturday - fingers crossed 🤞

Meanwhile here are a few photos to share with you...


I'm very much looking forwards to the 5GATEWAYS seminar tonight in Glastonbury Town Hall - you always get a great group of rainbow souls show up. They also seem to harmonise with fascinating alchemical shifts in the field. I'm sure this will be no different. If you're in traveling distance, do come along. All the details are here...

Join Open for a powerful evening of high alchemy in the Glastonbury Town Hall. These events always coincide with tremendous field shifts and light infusions. We'll film it for the wider community, but be there if you can. It's by donation at the door with refreshments.
Your pathway into 5D!



12/03/2022 Eden Rise Update

It's been a rich and bountiful week here at Eden Rise thus far. We've been weaving together the various components of the spiritual compass and bringing it all into one.

I could summarise it thus...

1) As you follow this movement more and more, you'll hit 'choke points', where identity switches you off, gets stuck, or gets confused into thinking you must have or do something particular within the 'matrix'.

2) you realise these chokes points are not about the practical outcome of them. Rather they are about unravelling the pain of identity and false self within them. Paradoxically, as you do this, new more aligned outcomes happen that lead you to greater harmony in life.

3) As you wind out of the choke points caused by identity, you're looking for the real gold in the situation, which is the new element of soul that wants to now come through. This is the real 'game changer'. Life and the Torus is all about the integration of this Unity consciousness. So you're now looking for the new aspect of beingness that wants to come through.

4) You embody and express this new beingness, then reality transforms around you, progressively, step by step in all your life's circumstances, from relationships to jobs and general living circumstances.

Yesterday I took the group off "treasure hunting" in a nearby town. In other words, I took them free-wheeling with the question, "Show me!!" Then just following the pull wherever it goes and picking up the signs and reflections. They always speak into where your process is right now.

So I encourage everyone tuning in to take some time out and experience some free-wheeling. Especially where you've been inquiring deeply, the universe is bound to reflect to you.

This video from La Palma conveys a sense of it....


11/03/2022 Eden Rise Journal Update

We've been working with the 7 Rays of consciousness (that form the soul) here at Eden Rise. And I can tell you they're a real game-changer. To anyone tuning in I have a challenge/opportunity for you...

Take your greatest wound situation. Feel into it. Go right to the source of the pain. Accept it. And then, ask: which of the rays below would help me transform it?

To begin, here's a key pointer - recognise in any given situation that your distortion is that of a particular ray. Let go of the need for an outcome. Then inquire, "how can I transform the distortion (of beingness) into its corresponding gift?

Ray 1 Warrior
Gifts: purposeful creative will, drive, commitment, strength
Distortions: control, manipulation, lack of trust

Ray 2 Servant
Gifts: acceptance, empathy, unconditional love
Distortions: non-commital, accepting anything goes, carrying the other's burden

Ray 3 Interpreter
Gifts: reading authentic reality; interpreting patterns and flows, creative in the arts
Distortions: intense, overly questioning, self-doubting

Ray 4 Diplomat:
Gifts: compassionate, understanding, respecting the other's truth
Distortions: procrastinating, dithery, two-faced, dishonest

Ray 5 Scientist:
Gifts: entrepreneurial, creative, building and shaping reality
Distortions: box-like, lacking imagination, rigid

Ray 6 Spiritual Guide
Gifts: altruistic, divine servent, helping others to the bigger picture
Distortions: self-righteous, aloof, arrogant

Ray 7 magician:
Gifts: spontaneous, creating alchemy, signs and synchronicity
Distortions: ungrounded, disconnected from 3D, New-agey

I'll be intrigued by your responses and happily offer a reflection.

In reply to by Open


Here's a brilliant video clip that demonstrates the transformation of the ray 3 which turns a distortion into a tremendous gift.

The student has a wonderful poetic ability to translate and express reality, but is shrouded in self-consciousness overly self-questioning and self-doubt.

Watch what happens when he's encouraged to meet the pain and instead let the truth out...


In reply to by Open


Thanks for sharing the journey with us!!

As I elaborated in my last post I feel at the root of my deepest wound is Idealism.  In it's most pure form, perhaps there is the holding of an energy of harmony, equity, non-judgement and acceptance - a felt sense of possibility without an attachment to what happens.  However life seems to not meet the ideal that I sense…whether that is on a soul level or conditioning, which concretizes it to specific outcomes. When life, myself or others have not lived up to this idealistic reality (tainted with conditioned expectations and judgements), then there is indignation, control, sense of self-righteousness, inflexiblity. 

I see the ray 6 which in different moments would also express with ray 1 to harness the commitment and drive of purpose (to keep going when it feels like it is useless), the ray 2 (to soften, surrender and release the need to force, to open and feel into what is happening now), the ray 4 (to navigate each specific interaction with the greatest degree of harmony and respect for the other's reality), the ray 7 (to guide with synchronistic magic)

In the circumstances lately, I think it has been the distortions of ray 1 and 2 that have impacted the ability to be effective with ray 6 (4, 3 and 7 hahah all of it really!) ...

I notice often that this energy is noticed… “it lights up the room” in some way… I hear it from people … it’s never about intelligence or achievement… it’s what people call disposition and regardless of any identity need to do or be something more… this seems to be enough and what is responded to in a way that  feels alive, real and meaningful. 


In reply to by .Wren


That's totally awesome Jen!!

When you can keep expressing like that, and actually grounding the beingness of the rainbow here and now, then some pretty superlative realities will create.

Keep going!

Open 🙏

In reply to by Open


Lots of powerlessness here (ray 1), having not taken responsibility for my own life and expecting everything to just turn out (ray 2). Now i have no control or sovereignty in my life as a consequence and have greatly diminished my chances of improving the situation. Now i need the warriors strength to not only get through but to somehow find creative solutions to align myself to an autonomous, more independent life where i can have dignity and freedom. The lessons are invaluable as this experience has forced me to grow up and take ownership of myself and my life. Aligned ray 1 especially, and 2 would help me greatly, i think. Maybe some ray 5?...


10/03/2022 Eden Rise Journal Update

To my mind, there's still a lot of avoidance and spiritual bypassing in the spiritual mainstream. The intention is to "feel good". Yes, but everyone has subconscious karma and unless we've dug deep into it and processed it out, then it's always going to be there under the surface to derail.

Often healing is simply being allowed to express your deepest pain, your deepest wound,
NOT have it fixed, NOT have it healed, NOT have it justified, eased or made to feel better.
When you can stand in the space with me, recognise and honour my pain,
then I feel heard.
It starts to heal all by itself!!

At Openhand we've developed this deep diad healing process which gives people complete permission to dig deep into what's holding them and to express it. It's absolutely astounding what then transpires...

Getting into the Diad channel - it harnesses and accelerates the energy beyond belief...

"Tell me about your deepest wound? What is it that you often come back to? How does it feel?"

Aeons of Frustration, anger, rejection, alienation...

As soon as you can touch and feel it, you're already starting to break through it...

"I'm done with that, time to let it all go!!

Yesss. It leads to deep peace...

So what's your deepest wound?
Share with me and I'll happily offer a reflection.

Bright blessings

Open 💙

In reply to by Open


Honor and Integrity seem to be my deepest wound(s) and for which I seem to be holding on to deep levels of self judgement and guilt. I continue to sit with the energies, even as painful as they are, and keep being directed, or so it seems, to paths of self sacrifice and martyrdom to resolve these wounds. I do not accept these paths so it seems that the pain will never go away.  I want to stand for truth and Integrity, (honor seems to be more of an intellectual/ego ideal), but I keep running into road blocks and no inquiry seems to be deep enough and the pain is way too great to sit in for long.  I've tried over and over.  

In reply to by Infinity_Kyle


Kyle, the crucial thing here is to recognise the path of resolution. Even if, at the moment, you feel unable to walk it.

The path is into and through the pain. There is no magic wand to take it away. When you speak of shame and guilt, yes, I can reflect these are a key trigger. However they are mind-based triggers. Whilst you resist the physical/emotional pain underneath, then these triggers will keep bouncing you out of the source of the pain. That's why you keep attracting entities and other distractions.

The healing will be to lower yourself steadily into this really hot water, feel it, and become awesomely okay in it. Then it will heal.

But you have to be willing to go there.

There tends to come a point on the journey when we realise the distractions never brought any comfort from the pain. They never solve anything. They always lead to the same outcome. When you realise this, then you're ready to truly confront the underlying pain.

Best wishes

Open 🙏

In reply to by Open



Thank you again for your love, understanding, and patience.  As you have correctly seen and stated, my core wound is much deeper.  I feel like being hurt by women and relationships has me terrified of life now.  It's a deep dig, and very painful one. I guess I didn't really want to admit that until now.  Where is she... 


In reply to by Open


Hi Open,

thanks for this invitation and I would be very grateful to get some reflection about this one. I've worked a lot with sense of betrayal, guilt, not finding the space for myself in this life/society, especially  in last  years of my awakening quest... What came to me strongly in these days is the word avoidance and I was guided to review part of my writing from three years ago.

"My way of expressing all that I feel has been obiously hidden in order to protect what is sacred. However I feel that it's safe now to clear the dust in my spiritual closet and open it for the sake of sharing all that is inside. When I was able to restore the threads to my own portal and awaken to all that is there I was shaken by the magnificence and light that is ingrained in my own being. I feel so much joy to pursue the truth of my own being and surrender to my own divine guidance. Times that we live in are safe enough to make the next step in awakening the collective consciousness and I fell honoured to dedicate myself to serve my innermost passion of sharing the luminous essence of beings that we all are." 

Well, I still don't feel safe in expressing my own truth. Most of the times, I look for a ways to somewhat soften or plaster additional layers of misconception around it. When it comes to most of "human interactions" a part of me is looking to escape and not having to deal with the confusion/surprise that arises in another, if I am to honestly share my perspective. It feels that the diplomat (ray4) is nicely engrained in my personality, so I don't have problems in connecting with others. Yet, compromising the biggest part of myself that yearns for depth, feeling sense of connection and authenticity is blocked in big ways... This is what usually stops most desires for further connection. It helps me to express the yearning of my being through writing, because it tends to create more space/time that the perspective might get processed.

Nevertheless this sense of "perfection" is so alive with me, that my way of living, tools of meditation and daily processing assist me in touching the sacred ground of being very often. It's a good way to keep myself sane and be on the safe track with my motivations. Yet in my daily endeavours it might many times build to impatience that builds to frustration. I often come to this conclusion that others simple don't get me, and who am I even to be telling them what's the right thing to do? No one has truly asked for guidance, and another messaih might once again lead the world on the wrong track of looking for the "outer savior"...

I've somehow accepted that there is a capacity within me to always find broader awareness about any given situation and connect the dots towards the whole. It feels like assisting in the process of creation through minimizing the need/feeling of growing pain. So what am I avoiding in life and within myself?

The acceptance that "other souls" prefer to discover their true essence through opting for painful deaths and suffering?

The realization, that the decision of my "higher-dimensonal Self" to loose myself on this plane of existence has been made with arrogance - not knowing what am I really getting into?

The fear of facing the possible wrong-doing of my own (past)decision, discovring my own fall from Grace?

The obvious nature, that I am currently living "human life" with all the limitations and possibilities that it entails, yet I am striving to continously "upgrade" the experience?

Or maybe just the fact, that I am lost in my own shadow of progresively building trust towards the Universe/Life through my own "inner guidance", and tend to impose it to the world around me?


In my own "transcendental vision of things" I tend to get lost in order to escape the inevitable. The complexity of being a human, separation from my "Soul family", wish for reconnection and the fact that I can not (yet) fly with my current physical vessel.  I miss flying...

This sense of flying is probably not my deepest wound, nevertheless it felt worth mentioning here as well. It might soften my feeling that I might be to weird/persecuted for sharing other things as well. Thanks for creating this space and the endeavours to read through my own creative expression. 

In reply to by miha


The question is Sunbow, "who needs to be safe?"

So I sense that what you're hitting is an identity layer as you drop back internally into the void.

As you know, it's BOTH an internal AND external journey. As you realise the True Self inside, it actualises internally. But often you hit this point where the manifestation is so sublime, so divine, that you attach to it and form identity around it and then seek to protect it.

You have to break through this by falling backwards into the void within yourself. Then a more fearless external expression will come.

So I would explore fearlessness and see how that helps the next step.

Best wishes

Open 🙏

In reply to by Open



how blessed am I by your capacity/gift to find and formulate "perfect question" that capsulates through my extensive use of words..🙏

"My own sense of Soul" tends to feel endagered, which comes in various expressions. I am faced with sense of nostalgia and clinging on to "my creations", while gracefuly releasing them back into the void keeps opening up the internal storage. As " the sense of me" has been greatly pollishing those creations, it might take some time to fall backwards completely.

It's interesting that fearlessness invites me towards (renewed) sense of creativity, that immediately sparks more freedom of expression.

The process of creation is becoming more of the mutual journey, where I need to simultaneously witness " the impulse that arises" , the human in me that fully immerse in the process, and the feeling sense when all of it transpires.

Developing the capacity to let go of any creation and yet be fully present with it, untill it's taking place seems to be "take home message" at this point of time for myself...

Maybe the toroidal/universal flow starts to reach even my inner shores, so there is hope afterall...

Much gratitude 💙

In reply to by Open


Some form of poverty consciousness seems to be at the root of all the challenging feelings that I experience: 

- I am a failure in the eyes of the world...not meeting the standard achievements and references

- I am a failure in the eyes of God/Spirit/the One that all is...and so I am disconnected

 - I am a failure in the eyes of my expectations...being unable to prevent my children from being caught up in the buffet of distractions and addictions - I was under some illusion that it was my job to keep them in a bubble and protect the purity of their essential nature...that seems to have been an impossible and I suppose misaligned mission =)...as it is part of our journey (one I often resent) 

- Life fails to support me/Have to do it by myself

I do feel that I have moved through a lot of this in relation to the people in my life (the kids especially) - though the question of what I am responsible for is one I feel I am constantly feeling into... There is the sense of failing others/failing myself...a huge weight of responsibility is there. 

A short story: I've been sharing time with those in the community that are in need of additional resources, hungry - some also living on the streets...serving them lunch in a community setting that is intended to provide nurturance with dignity.  I can say I don't know if I have ever felt more relaxed and in joy around a group of people. There is so much less pretense, the striving to meet the external bar has perhaps been set down/broken down...there is openness and softness, a slower pace...eye contact, gratitude, community.  When I am there I realize how fast I am moving and downshift many gears!  People are singing and dancing to music, trading with others at the table - their salads for an extra dessert. There is no rush...no where to get to.  This is the kind of relating that feels real, feels meaningful. To feel so at home among those that society would say have "failed" or that some might say society has failed...I could see the freedom in being considered a failure...by some external and ridiculous measure of worth.  

The word hungry spikes for me when I read this back...and a constant hunger/dissatisfaction/discontent is something I have come to know as part of this human experience - thankfully it doesn't define in the way it use to. 



In reply to by .Wren


I think failure is a key one that comes up for plenty Jen.

The question is: "failure at what?"

From the moment we tie our shoelaces "in the wrong way" we are rendered a "failure".

So in this case, is the sense of failure related to not getting something done?

The scenario you describe of helping the homeless sounds like you come into your element. Where you are naturally doing from being. It sounds perfect!

Here's the key: in the creative action, many things will likely fail or not come to fruition. Particularly if we're truly coming from the soul. Because reality steadily crysrallises from the field and not always are the right conditions met for the form to happen. Can you let go and wait for the next crystallisation? Or can you wait for it to crystallise in a different way?

Now can you take doing from being and apply it to all the other general circumstances of your life?

Open 🙏

In reply to by Open


Thank you for the reflection Open. 🙏🏼

You asked “is the sense of failure related to not getting something done?”

Yes, I think a lot of what provides some inner torment is the internalized cultural conditions especially around the role of mother and the perceptions of my capacity as a whole and in contribution to life…

I have been sort of held in this role longer than expected, one child having long term medical challenges… and in this I’ve been invited to break down the need to achieve something else, break down the need to fix him, help him, "save him" or me … there were no answers that could take it all away… only coming to terms with it… accepting that this is how it is with all the feelings it stirs…deep down I  feel the inner blame still for his experience, that I could have done something that might have prevented this … although I realize it is what we both need on a soul level… that it’s here for this exact reason… to break down my need to have answers, fix it, remove the obstacles….it’s softened these edges greatly.

I see this has all been composting this unrealistic idealism that was out of touch with the real grit and messiness of 3 D experience. Everything can’t be fixed (by me) - nor is meant to… of course it’s our co-creation and if it was perfectly harmonious and utopian it wouldn’t flush out everything that isn’t.  This all still being wrung out as a feeling experience… but the awareness of the dynamic is there and helpful. 

I seem to naturally be very idealistic… which leans into perfection and judgement, and stirs efforting and control when life, or myself or those around me don't meet this ideal (twisted by the internalized conditioning/expectations).  However I also see the beauty and gift in holding the sense of idealism in my heart while life strips away the need for things to be different, meet any expectation or perfect on the outside  …this holding of a beautiful harmonious energy can create change. 

thanks all for listening ❤️

In reply to by Open


I am right there with you Jen -- failure -- and how it is coming up for me is with FRAUD layered in deception and being an imposter. 

Next Tuesday is my trial date, the divorce will be finalized. Once again in a lifetime I am asked to stand up and defend myself.

AM I truly who I say that I am.    DIG DEEP  How can I be? 
Am I really the caring mother I am portraying myself as?  TRIGGER  Don't label me and make me be a mother. 
Am I really prepared to be fully responsible for my part of this deal?  RESPONSIBILITY  Ouch--shadow and inner youngling rebounding inside. You have been here before, Gwyn. Divorce, co-parenting. Nothing is fair in 3D. It is always a battle for what you perceive to want.
Grace and grit. What the heck is SOUL asking for? 

Brutal honesty--I want dad to pay me and get out of the way with parenting. I want freedom to be myself at all times. Instead I have to co-parent with someone I deceived myself into a contract for 10+ yrs. I did that. Soul perfectly placed me there. Unravel, unwind, unattached...I placed myself in a relationship for breaking up the karma, life lessons, and potential release of whatever the $@^*#+% I did lifetimes ago.  
I am here--not a victim. I am here, very much a sentient being that has an over abundance of patience and trust. I am here to learn, as Open says, "to push up against the density."  I have the upper hand--I do the pushing up against--density does not push me! 

Truth--when anything is presented to me as an adventure or fun or an exploration, I will dive into this with such joy.  When presented with the 3D messy and ugliness of immature relationships, deceit and fraud, there is NO joy.  There is only a big dark hole of doing it alone. Ego and Shadow show up happy to steer things for me. I feel that in the moment vigilance regarding the shadow is so important and so easily set to the side. I am a fraud. I don't want to confront failure. So the shadow poser shows up -- spiritual guidance, the inquistitor -- talk yourself out of this, lie and stay in the passive space of safety, girl. 

YET--when I really sit with this, I feel it is important to take stock of what has been showing up for me. Yes, I am on trial. How am i going to BE when asked questions? How am i going to be heard and seen? Think of the energy, the torus. What's the worst that can happen? Remember how others see me. They see the gratitude and the compassion and the joy that shines through. It is not a hoax. It is not a pretense.
Beloved whispers: Gwynnie, you truly do radiate. So much beauty is there. AND get your little tush in gear! Dig deeper!  Find those nuggets of inspirational UMPH! You have it within you. That's why you are still standing--and standing in your power.  It may be a bit turned down at the moment--get out of your head and into your heart and then into those hands of yours. Turn on the music. Sweep the floor. Draw and sing and breathe deeply. Bend and stretch and bow down to nature. You know this dance and the steps very well. 


In reply to by cosmicbeloved


The honesty is crucial Gwyn - therein, there is no fraud!

Two things pop out...

I want dad to pay me and get out of the way with parenting. I want freedom to be myself at all times

Freedom is freedom, it doesn't depend on any condition, circumstance or thing. Drop back into it and come from there.


when anything is presented to me as an adventure or fun or an exploration, I will dive into this with such joy.  When presented with the 3D messy and ugliness of immature relationships, deceit and fraud, there is NO joy.

Why does there need to be joy in the 3D messy? Let go of the need for joy. Sometimes there's a need for grit, and it's not joyful.

Work to drop back into awesome okayness, and embrace different soul ray configurations that come through for different moments - seek not to judge those different states that come up. Accept you created the conditions to let them come through.

Open 🙏

In reply to by Open


Hi Open, thanks for holding space for this, even while you're busy at Dartmoor. For me, besides the usual childhood betrayal, dismissal, neglect, etc., it would be this intolerance of other people's behaviours which of course usually come from my own. It's like i have this overbearing sense of superiority and i try to control other people. It's like i'm two people and one of them thinks she's the queen of the world. And then when people find out what triggers me by my getting frustrated with them, they use it against me to get their power back, understandbly. i read in a psychology article that people who only get attention from parents when they're being punished but otherwise get marginalised and ignored often end up with this dual narcissist/people pleasing personality. i wish to break free of this. Prescence and awareness are helping, but i'm still working on anchoring to my SGOB so i can become non-reactive, but i'm finding it challenging as i'm so used to disassociating and letting my attention wander off into some fantasy or plans for the future. Staying present is taking work. But staying calm and letting people be and being nonjudgemental and fully authentic are some of my biggest struggles. Also attention-seeking, needing validation, limerence is a big one, and just all-around ego attachment. i appreciate your thoughts, thank you💙

In reply to by Open


Incredible. i think i may have caught some of that Diad energy. As i was riding on the bus to work no more than an hour ago, i was able to explore and express a core wound unlike ever before. Well, express as much as i could given i was surrounded by people lol. But while i'd finally had the courage to "go there", i'd only ever just skirted around the edges of it. Today i was able to go deeper and really feel it. And because of this i was able to see just how much this wound has been affecting me. It's been a huge source of my anger which was hiding my self-loathing and guilt, and i've been projecting all this vitriole instead of dealing with it. And of course projection is a boomerang. All the hurtful things that have happened to me were from me hurting myself because of intense unexpressed guilt and self hatred. To be able to finally really start feeling and understanding this is like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. My gratitude is inexpressible. i hope you can feel it and my love. 💚💙💜🙏


09/03/2022 Eden Rise Update

We got right down to it yesterday in the studio - applying ancient meditations, in a modern context, to soften into the layers that bind and derail. Then expressing them outwards applying Opehand's Breakthrough approach. Here's the process we're applying that you can explore in your journey...


1) Confront the Truth of the Situation: what's going on here? What is truly being invited? What am I resisting? What outcome do I think I really need? What's the worst possible outcome and how do I really feel about that?

2) Honour and express the tightness: in allowing yourself to explore the truth about any given situation, you'll expose some form of tightness within. It could reveal as a busy mind, unsettled emotions, nausea in the solar plexus, tightness somewhere in the body. And even a complete numbness can be classed as 'tightness'. The point is to delve deep, then to honour what comes up. Allow yourself to fully express the tightness, in whatever way your natural guidance invites of you. It's like you blow this inner layer up to fill the world around you for a while. It enables you to see where you were holding on, where you felt you needed some form of outcome, what couldn't you accept? Where have you been in avoidance?

3) Become as-one with your feelings: When you're at the height of the expression, now soften into the feelings, surrender into them, quieten and let go. Become so accepting of the circumstances you don't need them to go away. Hold the feelings within - be witnessing and observant. You're becoming as-one with the experiences. When you've reached this level of surrender, then 'open a doorway' of complete acceptance through the tightness. Remind yourself that you are NOT the experience itself and that all experiences are transient. They come and go. Thus you're becoming The One in the experience - that which you truly are.

4) Unwind soul out of the constriction: once you've become so accepting that you've found The One amidst the tightness, contraction and pain, you're already at the point where you're healing; you're already digging up the roots of the constriction. Let go even more at this point. But then keenly watch the new energies of soul wanting to come through. You're reclaiming nuggets of soul gold that were originally stuck in the drama and creating the tightness itself. Let that now unwind, unleash and freely express new aspects of soul. Now the flow takes off for you, and the newly liberated soul creates in unimaginable ways. Yihah!

For the full article: The Daily Process of Working Through Karma

Getting down to it in the studio...

The studio has an awesome solid vibe, built from Dartmoor rock...

Dropping deep in the layers quickly...

Dropping deep in the layers quickly...

Sometimes when the ego lets go, all you want to do is sleep!!...


Hi Open,

I hesitate to post this as it seems that every time I try to write something or express truth, I feel regret or am intimidated by energies to be quiet.  As you know, I asked you to delete some of my recent posts, but that was only after I was energetically attacked by a human friend and other beings for making those posts and another one I made on Facebook speaking out against the war in Ukraine.  My post, ironically, mirrored your post about Ukraine, and part of me regrets bowing to the fear.  However, given my background in the military and with intelligence agencies, it is not totally "out there" to believe that I may be persecuted or imprisoned for speaking out against my own country or its controllers about issues even though I am no longer in the military.  I really want to know, is it safe to post our personal beliefs on Openhandweb, or any other electronic forum, given what is going on?  Is being on the 5D path protection?  There are so many memories, thoughts, and past life events that I want to share, but I feel like they could be misinterpreted by those who have an agenda of control and want to silence free speech.  


In reply to by Infinity_Kyle


Firstly an entity can't intimidate you. You can only allow yourself to be intimidated.
"Become as nothing in the face of your enemies and he has nowhere to strike".

It's good to speak out and express, BUT, there's the right place and time for everything.
Some things are better left unsaid. Some things are best only hinted at. There's a need to accept that with some people, no matter what you say, they will not get it. So why waste your energy?

The ray 4 helps us feel and walk the straight and narrow in all these things.
Then you can walk through the minefield without exploding the mines.

Open 🙏


08/03/2022 Openhand Journal Update

Our guests all arrived safely last night here at Eden Rise and we enjoyed a scrumptious Corsican Curry, courtesy of our marvelous Dartmoor Chefs...

We dive deep into the work this morning - it's all about how we can actually live in 5D consciousness now.

Here are 5 classic signs of 5D Consciousness

Do any of them feel like you?

1) Living with Synchronicity: People are witnessing synchronicity as a way of living and being. The old reality is based on a system of logic based rules that are severely limiting and contracting - they control your consciousness, it feels like living in a box. But as you tune into synchronicity, it guides you on a different path - one that expands you, opens you up and tunes you into the wider interconnectivity of life. You feel loved, cherished and supported by a heavenly choir that's singing to you through numerology, signs and symbology, heart felt feelings of belonging. Here's a short video on how to understand what synchronicity is telling you.

2) The expansive peace of non-attachment: You've realised that attachment to things, people and places is severely contracting and limiting - they compress you back down into the 3D box. However, to truly ascend into 5D, and stay there, is not simply to ditch your attachments like dropping the proverbial hot coals. Otherwise you simply form a subconscious identity with the heat. You have to feel into the heat of the moment, and become as one with it, so it no longer defines you. Then you find yourself naturally expanding through and out. Here's a video on expanding through subconscious attachments.

3) Miraculous manifestation: When you're living in the 5D, the resources you need will manifest for you, around you. But there's a big caveat - 5D consciousness is definitely NOT about intentionally manifesting. The purpose of the 5D paradigm is self realisation, growth of the soul, and spiritual enrichment, as a way of life. As you self realise through any given situation, and then self actualise, your infusing beingness of the soul draws to you exactly the resources you need by the Universal Law of Attraction (Bear in mind this Law has been much distorted here in the lower realm... Here's a perspective on allowing resources to naturally come to you.

4) Living with higher guides: there is currently a vast army of higher guides in the surrounding realms come here to support and assist in the 5D Shift. They've come from different constellations such as the Pleiadies, Sirius, Andromeda and Arcturus (to name but a few). And also the angels and higherdimensionals. Many of you will have originated from these groups. It's right and fitting that each of you should have your own team of integral support to assist you on your journey. But true benevolence will only work with you if you open your heart and invite them in. And they won't always give you the immediate answer to any given situation. Instead, true benevolence amplifies signs and synchronicity within the flow of life, asking you intuitive questions, 'spiking your consciousness' to what needs to be integrated so you can figure out your own best alignment. Remember, this is all about your self-realisation and sovereignty as a soul. They're here for you, always, but they're not here to spoon feed! Check this out: Connecting with Your Guardian Angel

5) Feeling like a misfit, a maverick, a pathfinder and wayshower: Just about everyone I come across who is on an ascending path into the 5th Dimension and beyond has felt like a maverick and a misfit at one time or another. You've often struggled with the rules and regulations - the limitations - of the old reality. It's often been painful feeling misunderstood, unloved, and even unworthy, as your divine gifts don't seem to have value in this old 3D world. But now, as the old reality is steadily fragmenting and breaking apart, your life and the choices you make are increasingly making sense. You're embodying light through the challenges and increasingly people are drawn to you. They may not fully understand you, but they can see the light in your eyes and the warmth in your heart. You're finding yourself becoming the pathfinder and wayshower. Without any original intention to do so, you're naturally becoming a facilitator for the new realm. (Discover more with the Openhand Spiritual Facilitator Program)



07/03/2022 Journal Update

We've got a full house at the marvellous Eden Rise on Dartmoor, UK all this week, for another fabulous rendition of 5GATEWAYS. What adventure and alchemy there will surely be. Come and join us, as I work to share what's unfolding through the week. And to get a sense of it, here's the popular video we shot from there some moons ago. Ascension is Now - Let's Thrive in 5D!!

In reply to by Open



I don’t want to go to battle. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. This morning I woke up to a barrage of feelings —waves of lifetimes where I had donned the armor of God or blind stupidity or arrogant conviction and stepped onto the battlefield, emerging from the destruction with death all around me or lying there in a state of dying myself. One more lifetime of blood and sacrifice of life.

It has never been my soul expression. Even in the most powerful and successful experiences of winning in this lifetime, duking it out has had no appeal to me in the end. Presently. I do not appreciate the warrior within or without. I feel that my drive to fight has died.

These days there is no sacred warrior energy. All of it seems twisted and tangled in the weakening and dismantling of humanity and the purity of our sovereign power.  The exterior warring reflects my battleground within.

In my soul existence, there is no desire to battle unless the competition or fight is based in joy and connection--the sheer childlike curiosity to see the fun in taking on a challenge. I'll smear you at Uno. Don't think you can beat me at one-on-one basketball! Drag race in my minivan any day. File for divorce before you-nana boo boo. 

Presently, I am not feeling the connection of the 3D battlefield. I am not wanting to integrate soul in the 3D. As I CONNECT the dots my deepest longing is the connection of the dots aligning.
#%@&*#*% the dots!

So I watch your video 

Integrating soul
Letting go of the NEED and the FEAR of the outcome.
Create from the 5D
Life is creating from…
Not the mind intuiting — the movement of consciousness wants to express.

I don’t want to fight, Open.  And yet, “giving up” seems too easy or that I am “abandoning” my children, ultimately myself. I don’t want to fight for anything!  And yet it feels so defeating and wrong. I SEE those spiked words within that one sentence. I have felt into it. It is a bloody massacre. It’s a mad dash away from the battlefield. It is a series of lying to stay safe and away from the warring—like the many men that took off for Canada during Vietnam to avoid the draft. Such shame and guilt. No pride in standing for one’s sovereign choice of life over death.
Over and over again, there is no possibility to FIGHT for what is right because there is NO RIGHT!

Am I failing by saying no to standing my ground in a place where conflict feels too much and not right??
Who says you are failing, Gwyn?  I am.
Who says you have to fight?  I do.
Who is running this show of warring both within and without?  I am pretty sure there is something outside of me creating the netting and manipulating the energy!!

That is whose ass I want to kick.  I don’t want to kick my ex’s ass or beat the corrupt court system. I don’t want to be a part of anyone or anything that is not aligned in the purity of soul expression.

Am I judging the corruption? Am I judging 3D? Am I judging and resisting the existing in 3D?

Hell yes!!

I sit with it.  I am quiet. I am placing my attention in the uncomfortable feelings. I am observing daily the reflections, yet, I must be missing something. If I am still doing this daily grind of integrating soul as I breathe so deeply through the challenges and tensions and conflicts within—it feels unsuccessful, slow moving, definitely not aligning and smooth.

CAN’T I have smooth and effortlessness when transitioning?!

DEEP anger of how fucking full of effort this whole planet and human existence feels day in and day out. I feel like a kid having a tantrum who can’t get to the other side where the higher self is running the show. And then I hear “Gwyn, is there really anywhere to get to?!”  Fuck off voice of reason or deception or paradox. I hate this stuff.  I hate the battle. I hate those that thrive in the battle. I hate the aftermath. I hate the cycle of it all.

I took a detour while driving this morning—instead of going to a safe place to sit before work, I plant myself in the public at a cafe. Masks all around me although the mask mandate has been lifted. My children were dropped off at school and continue to wear their masks because half the teachers, the fucking adult mentors, are “doing the right thing” in this godforsaken county.  The cashier gives me the stink eye as I walk maskless into the establishment. I am on the battlefield all the fucking time.  My soul drove my car to this cafe because my beingness is asked to sit and BE here. It feels shitty. I have been a crying mess all mornning already. Breathe, listen to the music. Show me. Feel into it all Gwynnie—this is you truly.  In all the uncomfortableness you thrive—you always have.  Is this my cross to bear? The employees are masked and miserable.  They are so anger.
  I must be soooo angry deep within me.

Cry through it all.

A stadium — I have always felt best on the court, playing the game. Being a spectator I thought was for all those who were not really willing to risk anything or have fun. AND when being a spectator, I would be the loudest, cheering the players on. Thought: Satanic ritual—those fuckers creating fuckery and false joy for all. I am not impressed. Everyone I might have ever felt inspired by out there in the world is a fraud. Gandhi, Mother Teresa, the Virgin Mary, Frida Kahlo, Madonna, anyone I looked up to!!
I am probably a HUGE FRAUD. 
Oh—there it is!! Go with that one Gwyn. Probably best to go to the car to work through this one. 

Invert the image, you are not a spectator or the one battling on the court, Gwynnie. You are the soul soaring above observing it all. How does it feel? What does it look like? Where is the efforting — in your head thinking stuff through. Just observe. Find a ledge and sit there taking it all in. How long must I sit here to integrate and find the pure channel that allows me to move freely between it all?    



In reply to by cosmicbeloved


There with you Gwyn. 💙

As you know, it's all about the triggering and reactivity that points to the karma. The word "fighting is strong", which clearly conjures a great deal - no surprises, we've all been on the battlefield.

First of course we need to honour the reactivity and explore deep in - that's where you get to the underlying trigger.
Remember the One in you can accept all, because everything came from the One.
And there is always truth buried in any distortion. Would you have gone to war to stop the Nazis for example?

But then "fight" takes on a broader context within life.
There are plenty of times when I'll have to push against the density in order for action and light to breakthrough. But the ego, fuelled by karma, turns this into "fighting". Yesterday on retreat we explored this exact point: Can you flow with Grace, but apply Grit where necessary AND without fighting.
Where do you cross the boundary?

Grace and Grit - two rays that can work a great harmony together.

Open 🙏

In reply to by Open


I am working on the song, Grace and Grit, right now :-)  

I always have the music video running in my head before I have any lyrics bubbling up. 

Two different scenes playing side by side. Same character playing out the role of both--Grace and Grit. Not sure if it is floating fairy like character and a samuri warrior or a desert wanderer and a princess. It is a child and a teen -- the child shows the grace of being with nature and friends. The teen shows the grit of emo and trauma and challenges.  And they emerge into an adult with the fierce grit and eloquent grace of existence.  


Powerful inquiries going on here - thanks for your contributions Jen, Pam & Gwyn. 👍🧡

Yes, we're here in it, - the 3D - but not of it. We're working to transcend it. What's the practical effect of that?

I had an epiphany yesterday - a light bulb moment on 5GATEWAYS as I'm facilitating it. I'm exploring at changing my own personal 3D circumstances to be of better service (not living in a flat with others' energy above me!!). I know it's meant to be, but there's been a sense of frustration that it's not happening right now. I've been asking the Team why not? Surely, we have that power and strength? Surely, because it's of service, we can make it happen?

There's been a question about just what we can truly manifest and transform here in the 3D, without imposing a reality on others. Especially with the 3D society being so out of alignment, so unjust and even ridiculous. There's been quite a sense of frustration in this inquiry. And it's a part of the wound I know I've been carrying.

When the day ended I took off for a drive, and a song came on the radio. I felt the presence of the Team really close, actually singing through the song, and these lyrics jumped right out...

"can I make the earth and my dreams the same?"

My quantum shift depends (seemingly) on a quantum shift in crypto, which I feel is meant to come, but the shadowstate are blocking. I know the resources would help many - just look at what they've done in Canada for example.
That shift would be extremely powerful for the awakening. For me, the world of crypto all hangs on a court case (for XRP), which the state is beginning to lose. They fight tooth and nail to hang on, but evidence is coming to light strongly disputing their case.
I feel the involvement of benevolence in the case from the ether (actually in this instance realigned Annunaki). For example, adding illumination to it. It's their strong ray 3 -because legality is a translation, an interpretation.
I keep engaging with the dynamic daily. I keep yearning for it. Building a bridge across from the higher dimensions here into the lower, and then like turning the cogs of a machine - each day seemingly a notch.
But it takes time and patience - moving the society. It's immensely challenging, inch by inch, and frustrating to hold that tension, especially when you can't see the underlying field moving, nor any real observable effect on the surface. It takes an immense amount of trust to keep engaging that way.

That's how it is here in the 3D if you're an energy worker.
It's not nearly as responsive as living in higher dimensions.
But in realising it's interlinked with your own personal dream, that makes it okay. It makes it bearable.
Here's the song that brought the epiphany - thankyou team!! 💡

In reply to by Open


Thank you Open for speaking about crypto.  There is a fine-line dance between listening to the inner talk of putting oneself down for decisions that appear like failure on the outside coupled with the knowing that the flow and soul have actually created the motion of action.  That intuitive nudge. That faint voice of confirmation. The signs and inevitable truths showing up in the daily.  So often if there isn't a great banner of confirmation we start to dig holes and build walls that appear necessary to protect us from some mistake and failure our EGO is egging along.

You also mentioned "manifesting... without imposing on others" OMG that feels like my whole life at the moment. The yearning for it ALL, the knowing it is right there, the surrendering into EVERYTHING that seems to go against the societal groove. I spoke of sobriety and I am realizing I can give myself a break right here and now.  The sobering moment when I KNOW with all my Heart that my dream is being realized!!  Trust the whole shebang Richard Rudd has said. 

 and all I got was this lousy t-shirt ! 

I can also step proudly and firmly with confidence onto the bridge building construction team. And WITH a team--I believe we need that more and more these days. Building a bridge is nearly impossible by yourself unless it is a simple and easy plank across the brook. My inner child has fun playing with those kinds. Nope, we are talking beautiful new paradigm, galactic suspension bridge.  All hands on deck from your inner guides to your outer cohort. 


21/02/2022 Openhand Journal

We're beginning a 5GATEWAYS zoom course today, with an intrepid group of explorers. As always I'll be innovating the work and taking the most fresh, up-to-date approach possible. In meditation a few days ago as I began to prepare, this question arose, which I'll be inviting of the group today to begin with. And I ask it of you all tuning in now...

What is your deepest wound?

It's that which you keep coming back to. No matter what you do, no matter how you work with it, it seems to keep coming back. Perhaps it's to do with relationships? Maybe it's a sense of poverty consciousness? Or that you feel alone and abandoned? You can cover it up with meditation and processing but it always seems to keep coming back.

This is likely to be the core wound, the core lesson of your incarnation. It is your "cross to bear". I say that because it's not simply about setting it down. It's about carrying it until you transcend it. In actual fact, therefore, it always leads to your greatest opportunity of this incarnation. Because it's where you're going to learn and evolve the most.

Your deepest wound is your cross to bear
and leads to your greatest opportunity.

So I ask you all tuning in with us to contemplate this most essential question of your incarnation. Because it will define so much of what happening to you. If you share with me below, I'll gladly offer some illuminating reflections.

Bright Blessings

Open 💙

In reply to by Open


Hi Open,

Powerful, powerful question! 

When feeling with my core wound in the past, I have thought of it as my "cross to bear" ! But I am also fascinated by it. It's meant to be a long journey, and there is so much to be learned, gained and shared for the benefit of others along the way! That's where the gift comes I think. Or as Tony Robins put it, "to take the worst day of your life and make it the best day of your life".

Best wishes to all,


In reply to by Alexandros (not verified)


Hi Alex - yes indeed, I think there can be rightful fascination with the cross we each bear. Because it also happens to provide our greatest opportunity.

I've been working with someone, for example, who experiences betrayal in working close with a particular group of people. And yet it's not wrong for them to continue doing so. Just to be more careful of how much is given - to keep establishing firm boundaries and not losing self-expression or sovereignty.

Best wishes

Open 🙏

In reply to by Open


Wow that’s quite a question. For me there was a certain blankness just contemplating it before anything landed. The repetitive theme in this lifetime seems to be a sense of abrupt visceral betrayal - of going from states of joy and connectiveness and wonder into sudden shock and trauma. It seems like the initial “blankness” in the inquiry was a cover for a feeling of futility or pointlessness that no matter how well things may be going it is always just a moment away from sudden trauma. 

In reply to by Eric.


Yes, it's a powerful question for sure, and it's already leading to a strong energetic movements in the group here on 5GATEWAYS.

Thanks for sharing Eric - yes, betrayal is a big one indeed - the betrayal of landing in densities as we come into incarnation for example - you come to serve, yet suddenly you're buried in the sh**!!

Two other things spring to mind: 1) often the Pleiadian energy has experienced tremendous betrayal. It's because of the transparency and honesty of those beings - they simply can't fathom that others could be duplicitous and so they're very trusting of the face value of another. Something we have to work with in being more inquiring and establishing boundaries until trust is earned.

Also, you might work to contemplate the challenges you describe are very similar to those that caused the Black Snake to depart the divine connection and to remain that way (for now!). It's experiencing the pointlessness of developing something or establishing something only to see it broken down and disappear each time.

The crucial thing though is to keep feeling the pain.

On the retreat, we've considered this core wound as the "cross to bear". So in your case, it might be not losing the joy, innocence, trust and integrity - believing that others do have a good side. But at the same time having a greater degree of cautiousness - carefully lowering into situations rather than divine in.

Make sense?

Very best wishes

Open 🙏

In reply to by Open


This is a wonderful exploration and I am enjoying reading others experiences and relating to so much here!

I feel a mix of things, I can totally relate to the meaningless, pointlessness … a sense of futility in creation.

A big one is that what feels real and beautiful and harmonious (an idealistic sense of existence) is not possible here...that is the continuous sense that feels crushing and de-motivating. What feels important and matters to me does not have a place and does not matter to others. (not actually true...but this is the experience which brings up the feelings)

The feeling that there is no place for me in a worldly sense… I feel connected to place in nature and listening to music and with kindred spirits … but when it comes to feeling part of the 3D tapestry it brings up a lot of feelings of isolation, disability, and panic…. The sense that I don’t fit here and often imagine how it would feel to be a bird or a tree… existing without the question of where do I fit?  I can sense and be in this place of existence without questions or action… and yet there is some invitation to be part of this 3D world… I am here after all! 

In reply to by Open


Your question, Open, 'What is your deepest wound?' has inspired a lot of exploration for me over the past couple of days.

I think for me it's feeling alone and abandoned. My dad, whom I was very close to, passed away a couple of years ago and strangely it was not the bereavement itself which I struggled with, but  the awareness that everyone and everything which I had ever loved and who had ever loved me were no longer in my life. Thankfully, I have some wonderful friends, but somehow it doesn't feel the same as having someone 'special' in my life. I have done a lot of work on this and while the sense of aloneness is better than it was (fortunately I enjoy my own company), I cannot deny that it sometimes feels an uncomfortable place to be, even now.

Exacerbating this but, I think related, is the fact that my sense of connection to my soul, my team and my sacred ground of being comes and goes. Sometimes the connection feels quite strong and other times I can't seem to find it at all. That's the only time it really feels lonely (aloneness and lonely are two different things for me). My head knows I am part of the One so I 'shouldn't' need anything else, but when I can't connect to my essence that knowledge doesn't ease the pain much.

I have an awareness of one, or possibly two past lives which feel relevant  (I'm not sure if they were the same life or not). One of these felt like I was within a machine with no sense of humanity (I know humanity is the wrong word, but it's the best I can find) and that felt repulsive - like finding a big slug in your shoe. The other memory is of being trapped within something (machine, suit or something similar holding me there) and having no sense of 'I' or my soul, just an awareness of black nothingness that felt eternal.

I keep working with all this brings up, but exploring the question has made me join the dots and realise that these are probably related and that this is probably my deepest wound.

NamastePraying Emoji


In reply to by Open



No one is on my team.

Everyone is against me.

No one hears me.

I am just not that important.

Hence, I do everything in my powers to be there for my children. They are so very important. I said yes to bringing them into this world KNOWING whatever is coming down my birthing canal is made of stardust and extraordinary.

I am present for all those I encounter feeling deeply convicted that the kindness and grace I bring in every interaction, the other has felt how important they are in that moment. I so love connecting and going deep in the moment.

And I seem to forget myself in the midst of it all. I don’t feel neglectful. I don’t feel needy. I just don’t shine the attention onto myself in a way that I feel is worthy. I don’t even think I know how or what it could possibility feel like — full, unadulterated self importance — wow! What the hell is that?

In the shadow of my father. Not fully embraced by my mother. And then falling into the “clan” of family mingling about feeling a part of a whole group but not fully honored or praised for being me.

Life on planet earth is hard. It actually sucks and is very painful. So for half a century I have been able to keep myself from FULLY incarnating.  I have touched on it. I have others express it to me. I feel it when I sing and dance and laugh.  I can be present, willing and able to meet you here. BUT doing that stuff alone is scary stuff.  Why the hell would I come here to do all that hard stuff on my own?!?  And how quickly I was let down by people I thought I could trust and loved me. What a fucking silly dilemma I got myself into in Oct of 1970.

Pam, I hear you on the alone.  Betrayal rings a bell as well, Eric.  Jen, how to NOT fit in to fit in—not really sitting well with the disconnection.

Open has been holding the mirror up called BRUTALLY HONEST.

I am working with the word SOBRIETY.  I feel that my innocent honesty and willingness to openly trust only to be totally steamrolled or thrown under numerous buses leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Honesty has kicked my butt.

Being sobered up though, that I can sit with.  I can recall the numerous drunken nights in my early years and feeling the pain in the morning.  Real feelings of nausea, headaches, ridiculous talking, fuzziness and exhaustion.  Somehow, I can feel into the grace of sobriety. The blessing of returning to purity.  Its a crystal clear moment like an ice bath or deep sigh after being so raw after shedding a waterfall of tears. Its a sobering moment when there is $13.42 in the bank acct or totally accepting that I will never be with my children day to day as I thought it would be so long ago.

I don’t often look forward to those sobering moments.  In fact, I have numerous ways to turn off the spotlight headed for them; create stories and distractions to preoccupy me for eternity it seems.

When I do open up and allow the sobriety to come a callin’, when I feel supported and safe to crack open the chill of getting brutally honest, there is always joy and sighs of relief on the other side.

I have childlike optimism that there is a tipping point —a place of no return that once I have sat with sobriety long enough a gift will surface. That downpour of never-ending peace and love I have heard of will shower me once and for all.


When I signed that contract I asked for first class and unlimited champagne NOT a cross to bear called CoreWound sitting in the aisle seat. I forgot to read the fine print or something. 

In reply to by Open


Funny you mention it, had some great opportunities and breakthroughs re one of mine: my sister, who has been (read: i've been letting) keep me down to feed her own emptiness and low self-esteem. i'd known it on an intellectual level since starting the Openhand work and made a point to ignore her when she came round begging for energy, sneakily dressed up as offers to help or give me something (never initiated by me) which she uses as entitlement for my attention. Then the other day she texted me saying she was sorry for hurting me but to please let her help me ie give her her fix. i took the opportunity to tell her her behaviour was no longer welcome and suggested she look into her reasons for the unhealthy attachment. It felt so amazing to finally tell her no without caring what her reaction would be (usually ugly angry and manipulative). And i mean it this time, i will no longer let her leach from me. It feels like i've been let out of prison and getting ready to embark on a journey. And the realisation that i'm stuck in a place with someone who is exactly like my sister. But last night when i finally managed to sleep i had some amazing dreams that really made me understand the dynamic on a deeper level instead just at a lower mind level, and despite her (sister substitute) sad attempts to get my attention and cause negative energy in me that she feeds on, i found it funny! Sad, but funny and i didn't get angry or depressed. i understand so much deeper why i ended up there and how this is what i needed to free myself from my sister's influence! i'm always hearing how you have to free yourself in your mind first and last night, thanks to breakthrough breathing and sleep deprivation, whic i think helped higher self come through in my dreams, i have made a huge step in truly once and for all freeing myself from one of my deepest wounds! i'm in tears of gratitude. i might make it after all!💙💙💙

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)


...but still so much work to do! Going out into the world trying to be more present and catching my behaviours quicker and wondering why i continue to unconsciously create the same old conflicts. i need to work on my diplomat because i'm seeing more and more how my approach to things can be triggering to many with sensitive egos like my own. Must embody that razor-sharp prescence to start letting soul inform the best and highest way to appraoch and communicate with people. And so need that anger and frustration to take a back seat; i still look at everything through the defensive lens of my child and teenager, always expecting to be harrassed and bullied. This is hard work but i won't give up.💙


"Beware the Ides of March", so it sayeth in William Shakespeare's Julius Ceaser, because that's when the emperor of the controlling state bit the dust. Will history repeat itself? You'll just have to come along to the Glastonbury Town Hall that evening to find out!

I'll be giving another evening seminar. I so look forwards to these because they're always highly activational events and draw a wonderful crowd of beautiful rainbow souls. So come along if you can. And we'll be filming it for the wider Openhand audience. Here are the details...

Join Open for a powerful evening of high alchemy in the Glastonbury Town Hall. These events always coincide with tremendous field shifts and light infusions. We'll film it for the wider community, but be there if you can. It's by donation at the door with refreshments.
Your pathway into 5D!



At the end of the day, whether Valentines or not, it's all love!! ❤️
Come join us on 5GATEWAYS, life's true game-changer.
Open 🌹