What to do when someone is being pessimist?

Hello dear travelers,

one of my best friends is very pessimist. I just started a new project with him and this is leading us to spend lots of time alone with each other. When we're hanging out with our group of friends this doesn't bother me, but being alone with him is becoming fatiguing.

We may be talking about trivial or existencial things - he always presents a negative view, although he does it in a calm and conformed manner. I try to offer the truth, but he obviously don't want to hear and keeps telling me unfounded reasons why it's better to be negative (and I can easily see where this reflects in his life).

So today I said "I'm sorry man, but you're always pessimist. This is getting annoying!". He felt embarrassed and agreed, but nothing really has changed.

I certainly feel like I'm resisting this aspect of him, but when we're together I just can't stop and sit in silence, so I feel locked in the situation. My vibe lowers too and I notice low patterns of thoughts.

I love him from the depths of my heart and I want to work with him, but I'm not sure anymore!


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Hi Eduardo,

I don't pick up the pessimist in you much at all. My sense is you're there to reflect as the wayshower. It's just a question of how. I'd say it's about finding the empowering question.



(PS - yes we still have some bugs in the web system. We're in the process of looking for a new web development team)

I remember posting this on the Spiritual questions section, but it seems like it's not there anymore! I only knew you answered me because I clicked on your comment in the Recent comments section on the front page. I also wasn't notified by email for your reply, even though I checked the notification box. Weird!!!

Hi Open,

is there an exact answer on why I manifested him? I feel like I'm pessimist too but maybe I'm here to teach him the opposite and serve the flow as a wayshower. Or maybe both!

Your approach is very pertinent. My judgments won't serve him much because they don't offer a true inquiry. I do use the 'why' approach with myself, but didn't think about using it with others when needed... it seems so obvious now :)

muito obrigado,

Hi Eduardo,

Yes these situations can be challenging indeed. Always the first question to ask would be "why did I manifest the situation?"  - as in this case - why did you manifest the pessimist?

Let me quickly add - it doesn't sound like you're being a pessimist! But maybe rather than telling him he is, you might empower him by accepting him as he is, but then asking him open ended questions about why he's like that? What does he think he gains by it?

That way you might ignite the inner inquiry for him, which will be the only true way he can really change.

Wishing you well with it!