dealing with my own energy

I have the blessing to feel, see other people's energy blocks and can harmonize them. On the way on the path of realizing this and acting upon it, I have had my share of traumas in life. I was ready to plunge into situations that would bring about changes within and had so much energy that I could pull through them, finding the roots and changing them, becoming a better and more honest person within, following my heart.

Somehow recently, as I am learning more about how to help others, I am faced with my own behaviour and reaction patterns that I find really difficult to pull through, in the area that is the toughest for me - relationships, or rather, finding the "right" man, being sucked into the energies of feeling devastated, rejected and "down". Even if I am working on locating the pattern, going into the past as far as possible - used to work for me - I am just feeling energetically wasted. I don't know how to handle my own energy blocks.

What can I do?

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Thank you Treebrother! I am happy for you! :-) Odd that I had this issue and struggle in the last week, at least that was when I admitted this to myself. I love living "alone", never felt being alone though, and this feeling just came and I went right into it. I need to find my own security within. I know what you are talking about, in my mind, and working on living it too. :-)

Open: you just hit the nail on the head!! I couldn't believe it when I read what you wrote, because when I wrote the above, I was already in the middle of this horrible feeling of being "lost" and not accepted, not loved and pushed away, complete rejection-feeling. I was aware of that it was in my mind only, because nothing like this actually happened physically, and watched it not knowing what was going on. The energy of it was too much at that point.
My "healers" is music, I play piano and guitar, make paintings, and heal people using music frequencies. So did just that, instinctively. And yes, it is carmic. Very much so. I the last week or so I was numb, could hardly walk, slept a lot, curled up, cried. Feel much better now. :-) And looking back, I know that I only followed my signs that led me to this path of living through this. I am committed to become and live like the true "me", and had some part of me to confront and accept. I recognized that I needed the attention and recognition, and love from others that I did not get from my dad, so I was looking for him, in a way, in a partner, and many other things too, that added the "untruth" to the energy and made it so dense.

So I am working on my abilities that I have that makes people feel better, and I am getting a lot of help from the archangels on that, people just show up whom I can help without me doing anything. My perception is getting stronger and sharper, so no wonder, why I perceive my pain stronger as well. Also, some situations came up yesterday to "test" whether I see this exact point - that I am the one who can only reject myself - and I actually overcame past patterns of falling into self-pity and dependency, and acted differently than I used to. I was actually proud of myself at that point and watched the people involved behaving differently, somewhat perplexed. I also noticed that I was more loving and became more intimate as soon as I did what I really felt I should have.

I am so, so grateful that I found this community :-). Sending you love!! :-)


Great advice Eddie *OK*

And also the question is "how to work with the energy, if you're attached to finding the 'right' person".

The spiking word that jumps out here for me is 'rejection'. I would say the karmic source pain at the root of all this, is the sense of rejection. So get right into it. Allow yourself to feel rejected. Where does it hit you? Solar plexus? Sacrum. Feel deep into it and express outwards - scream, yell, sob if that's what comes up. Maybe curl up into a ball.

Then work to realise, no one can or does reject you. You only reject yourself. So work to accept yourself fully. Get into all the other things that bring you joy, make you feel whole and complete. Let go of the need for someone to show up.

Keep expressing the wholeness, as you can. When this is fully integrated, then you'll draw the 'right' mirror to reflect the new beingness.




I was on the other side of this same conundrum for many years trying to find the right woman. I feel your pain!!! I had to stop looking, efforting and just be. Be your true self in everything, whole and complete, alone, single. Only when I was TRULY AWESOMELY OK IN MY SINGULARITY was I "ready" to meet my partner. She just appeared as a gift from the Universe!! POOF just like that!! TOTALLY UNEXPECTED!! When you meet the right man, HE WILL BE EVERYTHING YOU NEED IN A PARTNER BUT NOTHING YOU WOULD EXPECT!!! So Surrender all expectations and desires even in yourself and just be. A woman NEEDS a man like a fish NEEDS a bicycle!! Much Love and Many Blessings to You my Sister!!! Eddie