Exploring the Grief of Leaving a Soulmate

Submitted by Open on Sun, 01/21/2018 - 01:52

The classic mainstream idea of soulmates seems to be that you meet on a cloud and sail off happily into some distant sunset, there to live happily ever after in coupled bliss. It's a very limited perspective! In my experience, soulmates appear at key times on your journey, so as to have great experiences, yes, but also, to push you to the limits, to find ever deeper aspects of your unrevealed self. A soulmate will have exactly the right configuration to encourage you to find your highest light, and also, to dig deep into your density. Once the 'soul agreement' is complete, you may walk parallel paths a while longer, or you may diverge and each go their own way.

In my experience, parting was a gut wrenching illumination,
that initiated the apex of soul integration for both...

Looking deeply into the Mirror

To me a true soulmate bears a close reflection of your Twin Flame in some way: the Twin Flame being the unmanifest aspect of yourself that doesn't incarnate, but remains close to the source as a 'homing beacon', guiding you back to the completeness of your True Self.  You don't have to effort to find a soulmate; you certainly don't have to actively look. They will be drawn to you, when you're at the right point on your journey to benefit from the interaction - when you've already found a good degree of inner completeness.

Looking into the eyes of a soulmate, is like metaphorically looking into a mirror. Reflections naturally spark in day-to-day life, that encourage you to find the absolute best that you can be; but also, what's seldom spoken of, is that the mirror will activate buried density. So the experience is often bitter sweet.

To gain the utmost from it, requires each to completely embody your manifestations - to empower yourself by taking ownership of everything that is created in your landscape. 

If the soulmate relationship is a romantic one, then not only can it become serenely beautiful, but also there's the great challenge of losing aspects of yourself within inner blindspots. It's all too easy to bathe in the light of your partner, and settle into comfortable easiness. The risk is that energy fields blend, the other fulfils aspects of your dormant self, which if you don't delve honestly enough into, can become a subtle co-dependency. Not only is it limiting, but it can become fertile ground for deceptive Opposing Consciousness, that can bind you into a life of comfortable limitation. It's absolutely essential therefore, that in soulmate relationships, there is plenty of space and continual encouragement by the other to secure soul sovereignty. Remember, to become truly The One, will require you to frequently step into the Void of Presence in your aloneness - your all-oneness. 

"Rights of Passage" in Recovering lost Nuggets of Soul Gold

I have been blessed to have met with a soulmate in this lifetime, with whom I know I've traveled in past lives before. It has been the most beautiful, and also at times, the most challenging of 'dances' in my existence. It became especially intense, when after some considerable time together, having integrated our lives in support of one another, that the path clearly revealed: it was in our highest mutual interests to part company. We'd each buried crucial aspects of our inner most selves in the relationship. The time had come to dig deepest of all, and recover those lost nuggets of soul gold. 

The path had revealed we should part several times in the years that led to our final separation. Progressively incompatibilities revealed themselves as we each evolved. Although it became ever clearer, there was understandable resistance. In so many ways it didn't make sense. Despite the surfacing differences, we were both deeply in love. We each supported one another in our private lives and within our divine service. As the path became ever insistent, it seemed to drive each at times to the very precipice of sanity. How can you resolve in a lower human mind to separate from someone you are so deeply in love with? The situation was greatly complicated by exceptionally clever 'black snake' entities that confused the landscape by creating doubt in one's rightful path.

When the parting did commence, I have to say I was not at all prepared for the level of judgment I was to to receive, from apparently conscious people who knew us both. From the sketchiest of external perspectives and limited viewpoints, there was a shocking number who thought they understood the full picture, and put 2 and 2 together to get 13. I have to say it did teach me a thing or two about lower human nature, and the paramount requirement to nevertheless persist in the face of it.

“Cowardice asks the question, 'Is it safe?'
Expediency asks the question, 'Is it politic?'
Vanity asks the question, 'Is it popular?'
But, conscience asks the question, 'Is it right?'

And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but one must take it because one's conscience tells one that it is right.”

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Here's what to do when judgment and projection come calling

Finding the Sword of Profound Self Honesty

Finally, after the Universe spoke loud and clear, it took a step of immense courage, commitment and clarity, to break away from the cauldron, and unleash the conditions, that each might dig deepest of all: to separate the overlapping fields in which the roots of limitation, had for some considerable time, been sewn. For me, it meant leaving to a distant island (La Palma in the Canaries) and journeying deeply on inner planes, with the sword of profound self honesty and realignment, no matter what the external consequences might mean, both for myself and my partner.

The experience was utterly gut wrenching. I have never before, knowingly in my existence, touched that level of grief. It wasn't so much my own sense of loss that was the ultimate challenge - because I'd come into the Void of Presence many moons before. Therefore I was able to continually align myself and reclaim the experiential sense of completeness. I knew that by penetrating deeply into the grief of my own loss, that I'd penetrate through the eye of the needle, and reclaim the kundalini energy that had been invested in the relationship. I was able to successfully do this after several weeks of fully committed inner Breakthrough Inquiry.

No, grief of my own loss was not the ultimate problem. For me it paled in comparison to realising the immense pain my realignment was causing to my partner. To know that your actions are the cause of another's deep suffering, I found was the toughest of all to bear. It was my own inner veil of distorted, excessive compassion that had me writhing in agony. It didn't make sense - how could a truly compassionate being cause that amount of suffering to another? But of course suffering can only happen due to some kind of disconnect from the divine. The penny dropped. No matter what the cost, I must persist in the ultimate interests of both.

The resolve so steeled, I recall the final separation, which took place on the astral planes. I was with my soulmate, bordering the 8th dimension. It was clear my path lay directly into the higher plane, and I must finally set her adrift to follow her own journey of greater soul sovereignty. Empathically, I could feel her sense of abandonment and desolation. The feelings of grief reached their zenith. But with dogged persistence, the veil finally fell. It was in rightness to continue. I looked on as my partner slowly drifted off to the edge of the distant panorama.... and beyond. Some while later, as I settled deeply into myself, the miraculous happened - a 'doorway' opened into the higher plane of the 9th, 10th and 11th densities. The Higher Dimensional Team - "Openhand" - that I know, welcomed me humbly home. It was abundantly clear: I'd undertaken a Rights of Passage - an initiation into higher levels of consciousness and soul alignment. 

The Highest Interests of ALL sentient life

The parting and concurrent rights of passage was not something that I consciously chose. The soul does not make choices as the ego would - it simply flows in a direction of rightness, and works to resolve out that which would limit. The path of light happens all by itself. To reach the highest levels of consciousness is in no way easy. The higher up 'the mountain' you climb, the more 'rarified the air' becomes, and the steeper the challenges. But there does come a point on the journey, where you realise that no matter what the physical consequences, the only thing that truly makes sense is to follow the direction of your soul's calling - it is one that has the highest interests of ALL sentient life in the equation.

And so it was by these rights of passage, that I came home into the higher dimensional plane and my soulmate came into her greater soul sovereignty. The veils of limitation had fallen; the glass ceiling on my consciousness had shattered. For some considerable time I had been inquiring of the Universe how to open a higher dimensional bridge in the interests of all sentient life in the Great Shift here? 
I had been unequivocally answered. 

It was at the commencement of Openhand's 5D Shift Project in the summer of 2017, that this song by "Jont" came to me. How sublimely surreal it is, when your grief has been honoured by the Universe:
"It's okay, we understand, we empathise"....

May you always find the courage to walk your true path.


(Publishers - please publish with links intact and the Openhand brief biog. Thankyou <3)

About Openhand:
Openhand is a bridge into higher dimensions of consciousness. It is a way of tapping into the benevolent guiding hand of the Universe, to help you align with your soul through life. It empowers people to be totally authentic in who they are, and in so doing, facilitating a profound shift of consciousness into a new vibrational paradigm, in the Fifth Density. Discover more...Openhandweb, Openhand fb, Openhand TV

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I love you as much Trintrin Heart


Not much to say. I resonate with the feelings you share, Open and Trin, experientially. If you would say what you wrote here in real presence, I'd say nothing at all. I would just hug you both.

Much love <3







Hi Jen - in relation to grief, you said...

the coming and going of it softens the resistance and allows a progressive entrance into it.

Yes I totally agree. 

And, at the same time, there has to come that point when we dive right into the deep end of it... to come out the other side.

Open OK Hand Sign


"Learning as you go is better than not going at all" Yes!!! This has been a big key for me recently.  I notice that the main difference in those who show up and shine into the world authentically is a willingness to begin with what they have/are/feel now and grow, evolve as they go. It's sounds simple, and I suppose it is.

I love this video Open - so powerful and inspiring. 

You said "Grief and loss only persist when you resist the epicentre of their grasp." ...perhaps this is why it feels like it comes in waves...that resistance to going right into the center of it means it eases and then comes back for another round. And yet, until one is ready to surrender into it - to the core of it - the coming and going of it softens the resistance and allows a progressive entrance into it.  But wow, I am feeling how this is all there is - just turning into the core of it fully...how powerful just one experience of that is...to realize there's nothing to fear in going right toward it. <3


Grief and loss only persist when you resist the epicentre of their grasp.

But as you penetrate right into the heart of them, you explode the myth of their limitation.

Then you discover, the dreams of your authentic self, can never be contained or constrained...



Hi Margaret,

i loved reading your share - sounds like very a healthy practice to sit and observe the stories we have subscribed to.

Often it doesn't feel ok to sit in the unknown, story less. 

Come to the one with bare bone - that's how it seems. 



Dear Tonya,


You touched something really important here. We are true storytellers, aren’t we? We communicate with each other and deepen our understanding of the world through narratives. We put things in context; evaluate the environment and our place in it, using this handy approach. But then, sometimes, a story just grows on us and there might be a desire to hold on to it. You stated it so well:

It's kind of important to be willing to let go of the story - our own and others' - to truly walk this path, isn't it?  However compelling, however beautiful, it's just a story. And the more we attach to it,  the more we hold to it, rather than letting something crumble away that is given to crumble away, then to that degree we limit our own path, our own sovereignty.

I just sat with what you said… The storylines feel somewhat comforting, especially the ones with the beginning-middle-(happy)end. They explain things, make sense of the vast experience, give needed closure, help file things away under a predefined categories. They also have the power to encapsulate one in a version of the experience. I think we all hold on to one or two really “good ones” that can be pulled out to mask the discomfort, reinforce identity, provide a bypass into a more tolerable reality. Don’t we? ;-)


I find the strongly spiritually charged stories might be tricky to let go, especially if they bring out a manic energy. Glorification of past lives and excessive spiritualization of the lived experience can throw one in a dissociation trap. Dissociation from what? From the truth, I guess? So, what does it mean then to be truthful? There is surely a fear connected to that, yep... Feels like a childhood conditioning. A fear of not being able to control the environment. 


I wondered what part of me needs to encapsulate the reality with a story? Seems it is the same part as the one that creates it: the mind. The new paradigm can not be the product of the mind alone then. Perhaps it would be born in the heart, anchored in the body and somewhat understood by the mind? 


So, these are just few loose thoughts on that. I feel I’d like to sit with this a bit more… perhaps even hold some of the stories a bit lighter, take a look at them closely, and maybe let them flutter away, even if for a moment.


The visual cortex just kicked in and I’m seeing many colorful butterflies around me, ready to fly. Have you ever seen a group of butterflies waking up in the morning? Physiologically they can’t move when it’s too cold, so they just sit there in clusters on branches and leaves with their wings stretched out, gathering the sun light. Then, they stir a bit, opening and closing their wings…. And the first one takes off. It doesn’t just fly away, but circles around the sleeping ones and touches them with its wings. They eventually all wake up and take off in the search of the sweetest flower. The flower brings me back to the idea of truth. I like this analogy.


Thank you,





Yes. It's kind of important to be willing to let go of the story - our own and others' - to truly walk this path, isn't it?  However compelling, however beautiful, it's just a story. And the more we attach to it,  the more we hold to it, rather than letting something crumble away that is given to crumble away, then to that degree we limit our own path, our own sovereignty.
I've experienced this kind of soul-wrenching loss myself - a number of times, in this lifetime and others. And each time it's taken me to the very core of my experience. To the deepest level of surrender. And that's when the 'gifts' have come. It reminds me - yet again - of the quote that is at the foot of my email signature at the moment. Means a lot to me. I think I'll share it here:'
If we meet this world unprotected, our heart gets broken over and over and over. This is actually a gift. You let the world touch you, it shatters you open, and it shatters you open, and it shatters you open. And here you are, shining. After our heart is broken open a thousand times and all of the contents emptied out, there’s just this shining left'.

Living from this shining, for me, is where it's at - and it's worth any degree of breaking open. All love and blessings. <3


Hi Jo and Jen - I can feel the warmth, understanding, non-judgment and acceptance in your words and your energy. I feel blessed to be able to know you as friends. Thankyou. HeartHeart

Trinity - it warms my heart to witness how you've come through the challenges and integrated the lessons we were both meant to get. I'm so thrilled Trinity's Conscious Kitchen goes from strength to strength to strength, and that you continue to be involved here with Openhand. Above all, I'm thrilled to be able to call you "friend". Fond blessings Heart



What an absolutely beautiful sharing.  For me, having shared experiences with both you and Trinity over the last five years, what has always stood out to me most is integrity ... And the utmost commitment to whatever is truly given by the Universe...even in these incredibly difficult, hard to make sense of places. 

I have the deepest respect for you both and though it's been deeply challenging I am happy to hear that you both are coming through - shining even more than before! (Hard to fathom!!)

love you both... And best wishes and support for your journies!

The final line of your sharing you say "find the courage to walk your true path".... As I step out of some of my deeply ingrained comfort zones, I am finding there a zillion reasons why I can't, all kinds of self limiting ideas that stifle the movement forward, if allowed. It takes massive courage to step through it... Like you said in the article..."Suffering can only happen due to some kind of disconnect from the divine"... The options to me are to remain a victim of circumstances and Live within the self made prison of perceived limitations or move through it bit by bit even if it's only the smallest step forward in truth.

Thank you both for being powerful mirrors of potential through very tough circumstances!

? Jen


Open thank you for this post. I'm commenting here to show my love, appreciation and sadness for you and Trinity. I learned a long time ago there are multiple truths and that knowledge tends to keep me out of a rigid judging stance. I cannot profess to understand intimately the unfolding of your separation. What I know is I love you both and I support your highest unfolding. Around six years ago when I started to attend Openhand workshops I found the ideal curcumstances and energies to support my highest growth. As I grew to love both you and Trinity I admittedly loved your soulmate story and like every fairytale we've ever been subjected to we're conditioned to believe in never-ending togetherness. As an elder I know the universe is driving this show....if  we're awake, aware and committed we'll hold on for the ride and land where we're best suited. 

I feel deep sadness for the heartwrenchingly difficult times you and Trinity have had to endure. I love you both and wish you well on this journey!