Thank you for having this forum to discuss these things that are so hard to make sense of sometimes...I'm not sure how to put this all into words so bear with me. Its a bit jumbly in my head...
I feel like a new expansion is coming through, I feel a pull to evolve into who I really am, and things are changing a lot. This is not my first experience with this. I fought it last time and basically lost my mind. But this time I am coming to a place of acceptance and wanting to go on that journey and am working through letting go, but since it started I am getting the strong feeling that I am supposed to not eat, or eat such tiny amounts that it cannot sustain-especially when all of reality feels like its breaking down to me, and I'm in the process of trying to learn tools to deal with all this energy coming at me at once. So just to fill in some details about me; I am not a food addict, I don't generally over eat or under eat, I have a healthy attitude about food, I eat compassionately and eat organic where I can, I am not obsessive about that, I don't judge myself harshly about what I eat, I am conscious about it-but am not afraid to eat a little junk food once in a while, but I don't NEED junk food either, and I am at a healthy weight.
That being said, this guidance i feel is telling me not to eat at all sometimes or to not eat certain things-like vegetables, or nuts, etc. I can't understand why I would feel such a strong feeling to do this. I can fast for a short period of time or cleanse if that is what is being asked of me, but I have trouble with low blood pressure so if I don't eat regularly i get really light headed and can't think clearly, I feel really low energy, and generally feel like I can't function very well, etc. So in order to maintain balance I have to eat at least a little bit everyday. But here I am getting extreme pressure to not eat, or to not eat a certain thing one minute but can have it the next-it feels really confusing and when I do eat something "I'm not supposed to" this wave of being "in trouble" washes over me. Or something is taken away-like I dis-obeyed so now I have to be punished. What is going on here??
This has happened before on my spiritual journey and I know its not right, or at least i don't think so, but I know that sometimes what doesn't "feel" right is the right thing. However, when I have followed that "guidance" before I almost died-I know that death is not necessarily something to avoid but I don't think starving myself to death is what this journey is supposed to reveal. So last time I was trying to pass through this-it took me down hard. I never made it to the other side of it and never got to get to the place of expansion that I know is waiting for me. I'm trying to do it differently this time and apply some wisdom-not just go off the rails into completely not attending to my body and my physical health.
So I don't understand this not eating thing. Its making me spin my wheels-but if I relax and breathe through it I am ok-but it doesn't stop happening again and again. Am I not learning the thing I am supposed to be learning? Am I just being mis-guided? Is it a control thing? Am I interpreting it wrong? Is it a hidden attachment?
Much love to you all,