about "softening"

Hello I would like to ask about the method of "softening" . In a recent event with my wee grandson I lost it. He punched his friend, stuck his finger up at me and shut the door in my face. I reacted pretty harshly grabbed him made him sit on a chair and shouted at him. As soon as my reaction died away I felt ashamed and guilty. What I wonder is when trying to understand/soften which emotion do I focus on? the anger at his defiance, my guilt/shame? I don't seem able to connect with any of these emotions/feelings now. What struck me is that as it was happening in total about one minute I felt he was acting it wasn't really him, he was acting out something seen somewhere. His heart wasn't in it. Its like I observed that but still had a huge reaction This has happened before a couple of times with him. It makes me feel like he has to know this behaviour is not acceptable. Only a short time before he was collecting flowers for me! I know he reacted to his friend trying to take something off him but its not acceptable to hit out. I have always seen myself as his guardian the only person in his life who seems to work consciously with evolution . Before he was born I dreamed I was fighting with a sword with the dark for the baby that was to come. I had a vision a few days ago of many grandmothers getting off a bus with their grandchild - all trying to protect them energetically and to try to help them find their way through society as it is these days. This is the role I have taken on - unsure if its soul level agreements or I am rescuing I don't really understand the role of a grand-parent. I know each person has to walk their path but don't know how far the role of protector should go and if it even should be the case! Obviously as this has happened before - him acting out, me reacting pretty harshly and then falling into guilt etc is a pattern I need to look at but am unsure which emotion I should work with . much love Elaine

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Thanks Open - no angry parent stuff from my early years never saw anyone shouting at all. I havnt had time yet to work on this but asked for insight overnight. I woke remembering a relationship I had about 17 years ago - I remember that right at the very start I had a feeling of "something isn't right here " and an impression inside me that I was caught in a trap. I pushed this away and carried on. This became one of the most traumatic times of my life that included an infection which docs said if I hadn't gone to hosp when I did my life was at risk. It seemed I could not escape this man I felt almost like I was wrapped up in spells that prevented my getting free. I think I havnt forgiven myself for ignoring the warning feeling I felt originally and I am angry with myself for that and for allowing another to dictate my life so much so that my dad said he saw me fading away losing my bubbliness etc . I have not understood why I called this into my experience yet although have sat with it and focused . So I guess there's a deep anger and maybe this is what triggers with my grandson and others when they won't listen . Sometimes I see what they are doing is dangerous etc and am ignored then the anger is triggered . Perhaps the feeling that I didn't "listen" to self perhaps soul all those years ago . Yet I know all must have their experiences as I do. The sharing about the little soul struck me deeply as it showed me that those we feel do is the greatest harm are really those who love us dearly in that other realm. The experience with this man has left me afraid to trust myself and any decision I make I only realised this today and it has led to my reaching outside myself for guidance ever since . Now finally I understand this


Hi Elaine, greetings :-)

The first thing I would say to work to realise, is that kids often take behavioural reflections from their, parents/grandparents - but just in their own way. So if you are harsh with him - grabbing him and telling him off strongly, then he's likely to feel that very emotionally, store the energy, and then release it violently in another direction. Subconsciously he's saying: "well it's okay for you to behave like that, so I'll do the same."

Which clearly is the kind of example we wish to pass down. Even if we're not doing it intentionally.

So the 'softening' here would be regressing yourself back into the situation and feeling deeply into your reaction. Why did you react so strongly? What did you think was so wrong? Did parents behave with you in that way? Did it hurt emotionally? Work into these kinds of feelings. Perhaps you might have anger toward a parent figure? Some of these feelings will be deep in the subconscious. So you have to regress into them by reflecting on the situations where you might be storing such pain. Let the anger out if it arises, by shouting perhaps, or beating a cushion, but importantly, don't direct it at anyone.

Then you can work into the feelings and normalise with them. This video gives an insight into how we approach it on the Openhand course work....


Open *OK*