Boundaries

Hi! I am curious about Openhand's approach with regard to boundaries. I have been operating under a belief that boundaries just enhance the idea of separation. However, this is being shown to me over and over again to be only partially true. It seems to me that though in an absolute sense there is no boundary, in a relative sense perhaps one needs to develop and discern a level of healthy boundaries - on a physical, emotional, mental, energetic level. It seems that one would benefit from a helathy sense of relative self rather than trapped in an idea of what the absolute Self might behave - another level of escape from the relative. Once one is resting in the absolute in a permanent way are boundaries still experienced on a relative level? Or perhaps one does not attract those with out of balance boundaries once one is without internal limitation?

I have recently been attracting many people who seem to tie me down by continuously talking without break and telling me all of their personal story. I see that I need to develop better boundaries and also look at where I may be doing the same to others or how I am allowing this to occur as well.

Thanks for any clarification!!
Jen

Comments

http://www.openhandweb.org/healthy_hugging_boundaries

I found this article on the site and it answered my question. Other areas that have been the topics of self-reflection and discussion on here have related to a sense of enmeshment and dependency in a relationship that has been furthered by weak boundaries on my part supported by false ideas about separation and unity. Recently both my house and car lost power on the same day and I have been repeatedly given the opportunity to feel the experience of disintegrating when I allow an anything goes receptivity. Developing healthy boundaries and tuning into what I feel versus what I think I should do or what I think someone would have me do or what a spiritual practice seems to say I should be like will be an ongoing development...I see it now...and I am sure there will be plenty of times to express in alignment with authentic feeling!

Hi jenny,

Seems like you're having your own great self-realisation discussion!

Yes house and car often represent our bodymind vehicles and what's going on in them. So clearly the boundary issue is bleeding energy.

For me it's about understanding the nature of relativity. Often people confuse relative and absolute truth. So they'll feel the absoluteness of the source as themselves. But then as this feeds down into a relativistic, separated experience - as the soul - they'll be a trying to mimic that sense of total oneness.

This can be felt, very close to the source, as the finest layers of unity. But if we try to perceive that within another, in the depths of their density, then we'll harmonise with their density and bleed energy through it.

So if you want to experience the oneness with absolutely minimal barrier - you have to go much 'higher'. It's more easily done through nature for example because other creatures mostly have no separated agenda. But when connecting with another human, where the soul is not fully self-realised, then internal discernment is necessary - it is where we need to feel and maintain a healthy boundary. At least that is, if we're not going to get pulled down into their stuff!

Open

Hi All! Been experiencing a great deal of density, heaviness and anxiety over the last 4-5 days and the topic of boundaries seems to be back up for me at every turn. I have become aware of my tendency to allow my energy to be shape shifted by the energy of others and the underlying sense of lack that is creating that situation. That sense of lack then creates a situation where I both attract and create those situations/relationships that would run over my boundaries.

The idea that I need to maintain better boundaries feels complicated to me. On one hand, if the sense of lack and willingness to take on other's projections is caught in every moment and instead I tune into my own sense of self and wholeness, then boundaries will evolve naturally...as a way of being. On the other hand, I see myself now getting a bit tight about boundaries and being overly protective of what's coming in. Finding a balance here is tricky...not letting the mind be the guide for what is allowed and what is not. There seems there is a distinction between creating imposed limits on others/on self behavior/feelings/actions and feeling for what is aligned in the moment...I suppose I just don't feel that clearly yet, so instead the mind is stepping in to create the boundaries...whereas action coming from the soul would not be predictable or fall into a "don't cross this line" feel.

When the anxiety and feeling of others being up underneath my skin occurs and I feel to strengthen my own relative sense of "me-ness" - essentially edging people off what feels like an encroachment, how can I know when I am simply holding my own shape and when I am limiting my own growth by saying "no, this is not ok" - perhaps just protecting the ego desires/needs?

Is it even possible to take on someone else's energy or is my own energy merely resonating with what is around me and dipping and lifting in response to that? And then there would be the natural flow of your own energy which has it's own flow with the distortions that occur within myself.

I keep seeing animals with a missing or broken right foot/leg - a blue heron and then a deer...and recently a shoeprint in the sky...feeling now perhaps it relates to keeping one foot in "heaven"/inside and one outside...perhaps this is all just more invitation to keep feeling me more and more deeply in every moment.

I would love some insight on this as I it feels confused!

Thank you!

Love,
Jenny

Hi Jenny - fascinating sharing.

So you said...

    "I see myself now getting a bit tight about boundaries and being overly protective of what's coming in. Finding a balance here is tricky...not letting the mind be the guide for what is allowed and what is not. There seems there is a distinction between creating imposed limits on others/on self behavior/feelings/actions and feeling for what is aligned in the moment...I suppose I just don't feel that clearly yet, so instead the mind is stepping in to create the boundaries...whereas action coming from the soul would not be predictable or fall into a "don't cross this line" feel."

This sounds to me exactly like the process of inner alchemy taking shape. The mind wants the immediate solution, a logical, formulaic solution that can be applied in all situations. But the soul is much more malleable and flexible than that. So you have to keep working with it. You have to feel the tightness. Because it's only in the tightness that you can work to soften it. In this way, it's just like healing a sprained ligament or developing a muscle. You have to keep working it!

You say...

    "Is it even possible to take on someone else's energy or is my own energy merely resonating with what is around me and dipping and lifting in response to that? And then there would be the natural flow of your own energy which has it's own flow with the distortions that occur within myself."

You have empathic qualities, so at least a part of your flow is to empathise with others! It is to 'take on their energies' so to speak. Or to put it more accurately, you flow into their landscape and it serves your soul to feel by taking on an impression of their landscape. But it's your impression not their energy. This will serve you because it means you can hold the space for them to evolve a higher expression. That's where you also need to hold a vibration of your own truth, whilst in a landscape that looks more like them. Yes it's tricky and the only way to master it is to expose yourself to it, knowing that you'll need to tweak your feelings here and there, knowing that the way to 'get it right' ultimately, is to probably get it wrong many times before!

Finally you say...

    I keep seeing animals with a missing or broken right foot/leg - a blue heron and then a deer...and recently a shoeprint in the sky...feeling now perhaps it relates to keeping one foot in "heaven"/inside and one outside

Yes to me, the right side of the body always represents the spiritual connection into the higher dimensions. The Heron and the Deer probably reflect different, blending qualities which may help you maintain that bridge. The Heron is about focus. The deer about softness and surrender. But this would be surrendering into your inner feelings, exactly at the point where you perceive a person in the outer world needs a particular response from you.

I trust this makes sense!

Open

In reply to by Open

Thank you Open - yes this all makes very clear sense and is very helpful!! =)

Feel how it all just comes round and round, again and again, picking up little pieces to be integrated...little pieces to let go of...when I see it this way it gives me such a sense of acceptance.

Focus and surrender - and thank you for reminding me that the surrender would be into my own feelings as you said, "exactly at the point where you perceive a person in the outer world needs a particular response from you". Yes this is when I am LEAST in contact with my own inner feelings and get caught in meeting perceived needs and staying out of conflict.

Beautiful! I am so grateful for this site and all the energy that goes into it - I never get over feeling grateful that I can share these confusions, these places that I get stuck and receive such a bounty of gifts.

Much love,
Jenny

I am grateful for your ability to share so clearly and openly Jenny about what you are working with. What you put out there helps me so much too as I am sure it helps others out there as well. Yes thank you to Openhand for all the Energy put into this site.

Awww Kim! Your sentiment felt like a big heart hug!! =)

It is amazing - it seems nothing we feel or experience is felt or experienced alone...I love that this site mirrors our unique expression - yet common journey.

Much love, Jenny

I resonate with you Jenny! I have had similar experiences this week. I think my vibration raised quite a bit when I participated in the Sweden Level 1 last weekend. It has become so clear to me how I can sense different energies in different situations. I guess it will take some time to master the new me. It feels really great though! Even when I get lost in lower energy I still keep space for my observer to se, feel and work with it. Your post and Opens answer helped me too. Thanks both of you.

Hello!

Martin! Thank you for sharing your resonance with this exploration =). Great how you are able to sit in the middle space of observing AND feeling. Amazing how we all benefit from sharing our experiences!

For me getting clear about what surrender really means has been pivotal, as I have misunderstood it for many years as essentially dissolving any desire of my own so that I would dissolve the patterns of the ego. It's only fairly recently that I see the distortion in this understanding and am now working with just constantly softening inside to a place where I can really feel my own energy and stay open energetically to all that is occurring, but THEN tuning into how I am feeling to respond and looking at the motivations for that response - not just accepting and not just standing my ground...but feeling for the response that would best serve my soul...this is still grey for me...so for now I am just continuing to feel inside every moment. An interesting shift has occurred inside where I use to feel me somewhere up higher in the back of my head...especially in that witness place - though I was observing, I wasn't feeling anything in the moment...just mentally choosing what I "knew" to be the most spiritually "correct" response. Now, I have been feeling me IN the body which is such a different feeling! It's like I have actually dropped down through my chest, belly and pelvis...funny to observe the difference and wonderful to feel more in general! This increase in feeling is helping me to feel where I am essentially totally dropping the sense of feeling me inside and letting the feel of the other fill the whole internal space. As soon as I notice that, I remember to keep an anchor into myself.